To stay or to go? Advice please?

[Anonymous]

Pros: great chemistry, I feel like myself around him, we enjoy each other, compatible, great sex. He has said that he’s comfortable with me, I am beautiful, he really likes me, thanks me for being patient and understanding with him.

cons: he might move away in a year for his residency. He’s scared to get attached and then have to move. He plays hot and cold. He always leaves plans till last minute.

he says “what if it’s going well in a year and I have to move, I don’t want to get attached…. And you just make it so easy”

I really like this guy but I feel like he’s always going to keep me at an arms length my gut tells me he has strong feelings but he’s clearly scared. I’ve pulled back now and so has he. It’s been a rollercoaster of bliss vs despair. I’m trying to decide if I just cut off or if I leave that door open.

ps (3 months of dating but we had a fling years ago too)

[HollyK21]

I’d say cut it off for now, and if things align in the future, you’ll find your way back to each other. You shouldn’t have to spend another year in limbo, especially when you know that at the end of that year it could all be for nothing if he moves.

[Asker]

This is probably the smartest choice. At one point he said he would consider me in his decision to move but then he also said he doesn’t want to get attached because he might move. So it’s very confusing and probably I should just leave him

[HollyK21]

Honestly to me, that makes no sense. He’s saying that he will consider you in his decision making in a year right? So are you supposed to become more important by then? And how would that happen if he’s already saying he doesn’t want to get more attached? To me it sounds like him talking in circles. Like he doesn’t want to get serious because in his mind, if he moves then you two are done, which sounds like a decision to me. I don't know, it just sounds as though he wants to keep getting these girlfriend perks from you, without commitment because he knows he’s leaving. I’m sure you don’t want to think he’s be capable of being that sort of man, especially if you like him a lot, but a good guy who was really serious about you would pick you, right now. For instance, my current boyfriend have been together for a year now. Back in March, he got an job offer for more money, but it was in another state. He turned it down immediately, saying that before he met me he would’ve taken it, and that’s when I knew how serious he truly was. This is the sort of way your guy should handle his decision, rather than say “let’s see in a year”. But no thanks.

[Asker]

I don’t disagree with you, I just had been trying to juggle giving it enough time to develop vs wasting my time. How long were you dating your boyfriend when he turned down the job for you?

[HollyK21]

That’s the thing though, if he doesn’t want it to develop, then how would he gain feelings to turn down that move in a year, you know? I just feel like you’d be wasting your time and frustrating yourself, girl. And I met my boyfriend toward the end of last November. He got this job offer towards the beginning of March, so it hadn’t been a very long time, but he said moving away and throw away being with me would be the biggest mistake, and that there will be other jobs😭.

[Asker]

Well I love that you guys found your person that you can feel sure about! I’ll likely have to end mine

[HollyK21]

Thank you girlie❤️ honestly I don’t think this guy is your person. Despite how much you like him and want it to work, he’s already said enough to show your time is better spent elsewhere. One day you’ll find the right person, but he can’t walk through the door when this guy is blocking it.

[LazerBean]

Someone who wants all the benefits of a serious relationship but clearly does not want a serious relationship always belongs in the dumpster.

[Anonymous]

Well he doesn’t seem a 100% sure he is moving but if he thought that then why get involved at all. It’s just playing with your emotions if he doesn’t know for sure. Can you move with him if he does?

[Asker]

My thoughts exactly he probably wanted something casual when he first approached me but I think he got feelings. I can’t move because I have a son who needs to stay here with his dad

[Opinion Owner]

Well I guess he’s going to have to make a decision soon

[Aerolyn]

Go, it's going to be better for you in the long run.

You can always find what you find from that guy somewhere else.

[WhitneySnow]

Give him a chance. Don’t cut it off.

[TheFlak38]

Women change their men like socks.

[Asker]

Well if I had my way I would date him exclusively but since he’s not on the same page because he might move then my hands are tied. Hence my question if I stay or go