I am trying to get out there and start dating. I grew up with severe depression and social anxiety so it’s really hard for me to approach new people. It genuinely feels improper to me to introduce myself, chat up and then ask out a new woman or even an acquaintance.
First, what are the acceptable social norms in this regard?
And second, any tips on how to go about it?
First, what are the acceptable social norms in this regard?
And second, any tips on how to go about it?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
www.meetup.com
First of all, I would join clubs, organizations, or start volunteering somewhere. The great way to meet people. Then I would start by asking for their number after you’ve known each other for a couple of weeks and then a couple weeks after that asking you to say like to go to dinner with you, or a movie.
These are great tips. I’m active in my church and there’s a woman who attends I’m interested in. What sucks is I live in a small-to-medium sized city and there’s nothing around here as in classes or groups, etc. at least that I can find. The closest city that has such things is about 65ish miles away (roughly 1 hour drive, 1 way). My car is only really reliable in town and even if I had a more reliable one, by the time I get off work I wouldn’t be able to do anything with that 2 hour drive unless it was on Saturdays.
I was hoping there were dance classes here since I like dancing with women and most of the time women outnumber men in those. Oh well.
Damn that really does suck your totally right about dance classes. I definitely don’t think it’s worth driving into that town, one it’s really far away, into the more effort you put in the more bummed you’re gonna be if it doesn’t work out, and then, if you do get in a relationship with a woman should likely be more than an hour away from you. The church sounds awesome though! Have you asked her to do something together?
No. It’s a kinda a weird situation for me. I had been out of church for about 4 years because my old job wouldn’t ever let me off on Sundays. I quit in July and just recently got a much better one. Anyway, I had started going to a new church when I quit because my original one unfortunately closed.
The woman I am interested in is in the Sunday school class they put me in. I am not sure, but I swear she and I are about the same age and grade in middle school and high school. But, if I’m remembering right we never had any classes together.
She was very pretty then but she’s gorgeous now. She’s also talented and has all the qualities I want in a potential spouse. Her family is also a lot better off financially than mine has ever been.
She and I have barely talked since I joined the church. I’m naturally shy with strangers so I haven’t talked much with anyone in my class. It gets harder when I’m interested in someone. She also seems to not notice me and typically that’s a red flag for me because several times I’ve been hurt if there wasn’t some general interaction between me and a woman. It’s almost like I’m invisible to her.
I’d love to get to know her but I don’t know if I wanna face rejection from her. Overall, she’s like both the most attractive AND has the greatest personality of any other woman I’ve been interested in. And the part of me that wants to take the risk because of the potentiality of the idea doesn’t know how to go about it. I could get her number from another woman, a former coworker who is closer to her than I am, but I don’t want to come off weird or creepy. Plus, I have no clue as to what to say or what a good first date would even be in this stupid town.
I am tempted to ask her for her number but I may already have it; just not sure. When I first started at the church she took down my email and phone number for the church records. Not long after I got a text asking how my job search was going but it didn’t say who it was.
I would not get her phone number from your friend. I would either reply back to the text inquiring about your job search and ask “who is this?” Or ask her for her number or even better just start talking to her and say, “is there any chance that we were in the same grade in the middle and high school? I was class of ___ at ____ high school.”
I wasn’t planning on getting her number from my friend. If I did it would be just to confirm whether or not that text is from her. Knowing would give me an in (like saying, “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who texted asking about my job search but it never said who it was.” for example) but I think the most natural in is exactly what you suggest, simply talking with her and asking what year she graduated, etc. Whether or not I remember correctly, it gives us a topic to engage one another. If I do that, I think it’ll help me find a way to ask for her number. And if she says that I should already have it, I’ll simply tell her I never knew who was asking since it didn’t say.
That sounds like a good plan! Good luck!
Don't do it it never ends well