Guys, how do you deal with rejection?

[Poppy47]

I divorced my serial cheating husband a few years ago, I gave myself a few years to find me and take time out and remember I’m worth more than I think. So a guy I’ve been bumping into the last month or so has been making a point to talk to me and we’ve had great conversations. So rather than make myself go crazy thinking is he just being nice or does he like me, I thought just ask him! So I asked him today if he’d like to go for coffee and he sounded offended! I am totally confused as I didn’t ask a date or dinner, I simply asked coffee. I don’t like upsetting anyone or making them feel uncomfortable and I feel I read the vibe wrong and I’ve upset him, but I also feel rejected and i don’t think I’ll ever ask a guy for coffee again. I now have a tremendous amount of respect for men who have to go through this (my generation men always ask women). How do you deal with rejection? Was it mixed signals?

[elew4too]

There’s three phases. In the first, you have to reflect, cope, and get over the rejection; I usually do this by reminding myself of my value as a person and being humble about what didn’t work: recognizing that my framing/approach may have been poor, recognizing that we’re simply different people, etc.

In the second phase, you have to convince yourself to jump back on the horse. I think this is the hardest step because it’s not guaranteed. Most people will get over a rejection with time, but proactively trying to get with someone is more difficult because it takes time, effort, money, and the desire to be vulnerable. Convincing yourself to put in the effort can be difficult if your previous efforts weren’t getting results. I like to remind myself of my goals in dating to try and overcome this challenge. Staying goal-oriented will give you more motivation to put in effort.

Finally, you have to approach a new situation without holding grudges from the previous rejection. This goes back to being vulnerable. You have to be vulnerable without defending yourself against something that’s not the new person’s fault

[Poppy47]

Oh my days what a good answer!! Thank you 🤗

[Finchie40]

Don’t kick yourself in he ass for being rejected , understand there are a lot of assholes in this world and there are a lot of good people in this world as well , just harder to find to find the good ones , especially nowadays. His response to you was immature and disrespectful period , people like that are insecure selfish people that think their shit don’t stink and only think of themselves , So the best way to deal with rejection from an asshole. is to just be polite and just walk away , basically say sorry to ask you out for coffee and just walk away. Understand it’s not you , it’s them. We don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads displaying what we are into or what are relationship status is , so by you having the courage to walk up to him and ask him for coffee , you did nothing wrong period. People that are rude and disrespectful to someone showing interest in them are the biggest pieces of shit on this planet , Whether I am attracted to a girl or not if she has the courage to walk up to me and ask me out , I am polite to her and will treat her with respect , the only time I will get rude is if she doesn’t take no for an answer

[Poppy47]

Thank you, I’m not going talk bad about the guy, maybe he’s got some personal problems right now and his reaction is of nothing to do with me, I honestly don’t know as it is weird. I totally agree with no means no. Things are definitely different these days 🤗

[Finchie40]

I agree , I feel social media played a big part of destroying people’s perceptions of each other , instead of valuing what we have right in front of us are brains are glued to a device that is feeding our heads with useless knowledge , making partners feel like they deserve better or grass is greener on the other side , people are more selfish these days and only really care about themselves , When someone is actually wanting love and commitment there is a price to pay because people have a harder time trusting each other , and respecting each other , I have experienced and witnessed so many relationships crumble from selfish behavior that people only want what is best for them. For love to grow and last between 2 people , you both have to make each other your top priority and remove selfishness for each other , if someone can’t do that for you then they don’t deserve you , we can only treat each other the same way we want to be treated in return , and that’s the problem with most people , they only want what is best for them , why divorce and relationships are failing , no one can really point the finger at themselves , it’s always their partner’s fault or someone else’s fault , You can only treat someone like a punching bag for too long before they decide to walk away , nothing is this world is perfect and nobody is perfect everyone of us goes through ups and downs , so if you can’t accept your partner’s flaws like you expect them to accept yours , that relationship will not survive , Your partner needs to be your top priority , whether you agree with them or not it’s should be you and your partner vs this used up world, if you can’t do that for your partner , you are a selfish person period and most people don’t grasp this concept , you can’t expect someone to do for you if you can’t do for them in return , you are just digging your own grave , thinking someone else is going to save you , you are in for a rude awakening when your realize that other person

[Finchie40]

Is going to do to you what you is to your previous partner , Karma is a real thing , the only way you should walk away from your partner is if they are beating you or cheating on you , but arguing with you means they love you but if arguing is a consistent thing then that means your partner is only thinking of themselves , like I said you can only be a punching bag for to long until your partner decides they don’t deserve this disrespect , if they walk away or cheat on you more then likely it had a lot to do with how you were treating them , Yes cheating is a selfish behavior period but it is only really selfish if they did it knowing you still treated them with love and respect , and you were standing by their side then yes they were the piece of shit , but if they did it because you were belittling them , criticizing them , with holding intimacy and affection from them , choosing your selfishness constantly over them , then I am sorry to say , you in a sense deserved it , Girls don’t really realize how important intimacy and affection is to a guy , when she constantly makes excuses or is never in the mood she is destroying him , he starts to feel unloved unwanted , not respected , not understanding what he did wrong to make her not want to be in his arms , A guy doesn’t want a sexless marriage , if he wanted a sexless marriage he would of just stayed single. Sadly most girls ‘ don’t see it that way and they wonder why a guy will cheat or leave her , her actions are opening doors for him to be open to someone else that wants a man that wants intimacy and affection, that wants to feel valued and wanted , me personally isn’t going to cheat on a girl that values me and prioritizes me and treats me with love and respect, who wants to be in my arms and feels safe in my arms , if I cheat on a girl that does that for me , I’d be the dumbest asshole on this planet

[Guy13]

He sounds a little immature to me. Rejection is not easy to manage in our lives. I don't have a formula except for staying busy and throwing all my energy and time into improving my life. Id know the following website has been better at connecting with real people than the dating sites etc. Try it? put your zip code in it. www.meetup.com

[Poppy47]

Thank you, I’ve signed up to meet up to find activities etc near me. I am a registered volunteer for veterans charity for approx 7 years, so I’m going to do more community work/support and try walking groups as a good walk helps clear the head🤗

[ArrowheadSW]

His reaction was a bit odd. To actually act offended at that. Maybe he has some preconceived notions that a woman isn't supposed to ask a guy out for coffee or something like that. Reminds me of a time that I asked a lady who I had known for a few years, if she would like to get a cup of coffee at the shop right next door, because I was going there just then. She acted freaked out and said "no". THAT was weird also. She maybe was reading more into it?

[Poppy47]

Wow ok so it does happen, I’m sorry that happened to you. When did an act of kindness or compliment become so misread 🤗

[ArrowheadSW]

@Poppy47 Funny that she acted that way when I asked her out for coffee. Especially since it was right next door and that is where I was heading. People can be funny. Anyway, that lady is now on her 4th marriage, so she is a bit flaky. I ran into her 3rd husband in the neighborhood where I moved to 4 years ago. I didn't ask much about his former marriage to her.

[Ligerzzero]

He was just being friendly.
Being rejected is just something as a guy you half to expect to happen 100% of the time, yes we get frustrated and mad, but we just burry it and every time I get rejected it just means how ugly women think I am, and for some just realize women will reject us and be single forever.
But it would be nice for women to understand what it’s like to like someone and get rejected

[LegendaryDater]

It's a part of life the more you do it the less it stings.

[Poppy47]

I’m not brave enough to do it again tbh, but who knows maybe one day 🤗

[LegendaryDater]

Well maybe remove the expectations of it all and that will make it easier.

[Heolurt]

Back when I tried to date, I was always rejected, I always accepted the rejection and move on, however I've only ever been rejected and after so many years, it started to physically hurt and I eventually gave up trying altogether. I never acted poorly when rejected which is whatever.

[Fireguy17]

I get over it and move on.
Just like busses, there is another one coming along in a few minuets.
It's a numbers game, the more you ask the greater your chances of success you will have.

[serious]

I have always been single and I never had to deal with any rejection

[spartan55]

Could you elaborate about how you feel he was offended?

[Iron_Man]

Sorry….