What would you do if you were dating someone forlonger than a year and they haven't yet labelled it a relationship boyfriend/girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

[RHK36]

I wouldn't date someone that long without labels unless it was a sneaky link. You can just assume fairly accurately a guy is not that into you if he dates you that long and doesn't claim you or isn't even bothered you haven't claimed him. Whatever the reason is, doesn't matter. It'll be just lies and bs. If you stick around then you approve of his lies and bs.

[glennos89]

1 year of dating and not Having a relationship yet? 🤯🤯🤯

How long is the dating process going to be? 🤯

[Anonymous]

Just straight up ask them to define the relationship. Nothing wrong with asking.

[Anonymous]

I would probably start by looking at thier dating history. Is this normal for them or just your "relationship".

[Asker]

They had issues in two previous relationships with lack of commiting.
He said he wants someone to build a future with, but yet his ex had her own house and good job, they were together for 3 years and when she asked him to move in together, he wouldn't incase they argued and he'd have nowhere to go. They broke up

[Asker]

She also wanted to settle down an have kids. He is 40 and he supposedly wants the whole family thing to but yet didn't go ahead with her. His reason was, because she wanted her children to drink when they are older and because she is an angry person

[Asker]

He is manipulative so I have no doubt he fabricated and exaggerated this and he has gaslight me and manipulated our conversations many a time

[Opinion Owner]

Well it's possible he has commitment issues. But it's totally possible that she gave him good reason not to commit.
I think there comes a point in every relationship where if things stop progressing where you just have to make an ultimatum and accept whatever the outcome is. That is ASSUMING you exhausted every avenue of communication first.
This reminds me of conversation with another G@Ger who'd been in a relationship with a guy for over 5 years. And wanted a kid and he didn't he was fine to keep kicking the can down the road. I told her it's clear you love him. It's also clear you wanted a baby and have a limited amount I nt on years. Biologically to make that happen. At some point you have to decide which you want more, him or the baby. Because both might not be an option. It's understandable if you gave him an ultimatum ( again assuming she'd tried every avenue of communication). But you need to decide which is more important to you. Him or the baby. And if it's the baby you have to communicate that and be able to live the end result.

Because like your situation the ultimatum might be the final straw he needs to get off the pot and commit. But it might as be the final straw that ends it. And you have to be ok with that.
Have you exhausted every form of communication?

[Opinion Owner]

Well if he's all these "good things" why are you with him? Why would you seek a future with him? Do you really feel this way or are you just venting.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. You gave that lady very good advice there. I totally agree with you on that.

Anytime I have tried to raise it with him, we go round in circles almost, just getting frustrated at one another.
He tells me he wants a plan and doesn't know what the future will look like with me I. e where I will be living, my job and housing situation...
I live with my bro (saving for a house) and hope to move out in he next few months. I'm also applying to train for 3 years locally to where we live. So I have a rough plan, wven said I'd take mat leave to have a family during that time.

Anyway, he just keeps saying he's always honest and open about how he feels and he just doesn't know. He can't see what the future will be like. So I always say, we'll let's plan an talk about a year's time or what's next.
Let's put in a time frame or goal. But he seems to get stuck back on, well what about your financial situation and finding your own place, what about this an that. There is almost always something to turn the conversation back too. Like he wants kids soon, but yet doesn't talk about it. He says I'm not ready. He also says things like I remind him of his ex at times, which I've told him is a big no no. I am not an angry person.

He says he wants all these things but then days later says he wouldn't get married, not sure about kids etc.
We didn't go away together because he didn't want to make memories because in the past he's done that an it hasn't worked out. This time round he wants to know an he doesn't

[Asker]

We've broken up many times due to this and then he gets back in touch to 'talk' and then we never do. We never have a conversation about what happened or what we're doing. I think I need to give an ultimatum

[Opinion Owner]

I would counter with what if I make a 100k a yr. And then lose that job.
I had a friend that that was a reality. He made 98k a yr. Then the housing market of 2008 happened and he lost his job. He couldn't get a job offer for more than half what he used to make. Eventually after 2yrs. Of unemployment he landed a job only making 72k a year.
All I'm saying is there are no guarantees in life. What if, you two commit two eachother and 3 months later he loses both his legs in a car accident and can't work. You can't live your life worrying about what MIGHT happen. Or you'll never live life. A you can do is find the person you believe in and fight like he'll to make eachother better each day. Based on what you tell me of this guy you should be afraid of committing to him. A man of character doesn't make excuses or look for a way out. A man of character always fights to better himself and his partner. Because it's not in him to do otherwise. His man and is honor demand nothing less.

[Asker]

When get on well and have a very amazing bond. Minus all the headache stuff I'm mentioning. If he was to commit to me and listen to my feelings and be more considerate then I don't think I'd feel this way tbh. I like things to progress, by a year in my last relationship, we were living together. We had plans etc. I know how to have a stable relationship and it isn't this. The communication is lacking. The commitment is lacking.

I just want to be with someone who will be mature and have a relationship, and a wonder if he is capable of that given the way he is behaving

[Asker]

Yeah you're right. He makes so many excuses. To me he has no integrity. I don't believe he wants to be with me, because he will not commit despite us spending most days and nights together. Always on the phone. He's seen my place etc. He knows how I am.
I am becoming increasingly exhausted with him and feeling a bit annoyed when I'm around him.

I secretly feel irritated. He also makes comments about women on TV about their looks and appearance. Not just a one of comment hut great detail of why they are attractive and compares them to other women.
I sit there feeling horrible, wondering what he must think about me. He is extremely judgmental, an has made comments that are mean about women's physical appearance.

I'm just not sure if he is legit or a total liar

[Opinion Owner]

Well just my opinion but I'd make plans for YOUR future at the moment not your future together. Try to get your relationship together squared away if that's what you want to do but I'd do that first. My personal opinion is his commitment to you is contingent on too many things.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if the problem is uou have 5 things to fix in his mind, you might fix them only for him to hit you 5 mire... see what I'm saying.

[Asker]

Yeah that's true. Do you think I should stop seeing him and distance myself?
I am planning my future as I would anyway, I am no longer going to consider him in it. If he fits into it nice. Otherwise it shouldn't matter much at this stage since he is so uncertain

[Asker]

And yeah, I get your point. i have said that to him before. My life could be perfect an he will still find an excuse or reason not to ocmmit

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not one to tell anyone how to live. But I'm a big believer in everyone being OK by themselves before being with someone else and nobody should tolerate someone living off of them. Unless you know they're going 100% in whatever they're dealing. What I think about this guy is irrelevant. You're the one who has to decide if he worth 100% of your effort. If you think he is fine. But if not, what exactly are you doing. But that's me. I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong one. And I don't tolerate nonsense or lack of communication well.

[barn_stormer]

at your age just take what you can get lol

[Asker]

I'm 29. He's 40

[barn_stormer]

anything over 20 is old to me

[dudeinohio]

I would have given up. on them long before a year