How shy can he be?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend and I have been dating 6 wks. We are both 15. I’m his first “real” girlfriend. He is very shy and doesn’t initiate holding hands or hugging. We can talk about everything pretty openly and I told him I want those things. Our parents have met, his friends know about me etc so it’s not that he is trying to hide being with me. When I ask why he didn’t hold my hand he says “I just didn’t think about it”. Shouldn’t he WANT to? He did tell me that he just doesn’t want to do something wrong and that he likes me so much he is just nervous. I’m really not trying to compare but the guy I dated a year ago always hugged me, had his arm around me etc. I don’t want to always initiate everything and I made it very clear that he can’t really mess up and that I’m very into him. I wouldn’t really want a guy trying to get in my pants but we are talking about hugs here… any insight? Can you really like someone so much that you just won’t do anything because you’re that worried? I just don’t get it.

[richardcory]

Oh yes, its possible to be incredibly shy, especially as a teenager (ask me how I know). He may be so enamored of you that he can't believe you are actually interested in him and its also worried that he will screw things up.

Of course there could be other reasons too, but the above is my first guess

[Asker]

Well what you guessed is what he says. But I keep telling him how happy he makes me, I plan things for us, I initiate everything “physical”, I compliment him etc. like I don’t know what else to do to make him feel “comfortable” and “confident.

[Nikki1989]

You will have to be super patient with him if you truly think he is worth it.

[WhitneySnow]

He’s super shy and nervous. Just be patient with him.

[Asker]

I’m trying. It’s just not adding up. We “talked” for 2 before we became “official” so it’s not that I’m being pushy. I just want a hug without having to initiate it first and only when we say “bye”.

[WhitneySnow]

Hmm. I’m not sure what to suggest except that you should tell him what you told us in your post and ask him how he feels about it. I really think once you explain it to him like that he’ll get it.

[Asker]

I did. One thing he once said was “you just want me to randomly hug you?” I told him if he feels like hugging me he just should. He said well now that I know you won’t push me away I will but it hasn’t really changed anything.

[WhitneySnow]

Damn! He’s really shy. And still nervous.

Wish I had some better advice for you girl

[Asker]

Yeah. But he is pretty close to perfect everywhere else. No games, no secrets, reassures me when I need it, compliments me and literally anything I could ask for. I’m really trying to be patient but at this point I just feel like him wanting to be “close” to me should outweigh him being shy. He has no issues tickling me or pulling me into the pool or whatever I just would like him to “show” it more physically.

[WhitneySnow]

He sounds amazing. Talk to him. Tell him you love being physically affectionate with him, you just wish he’d initiate more.

[Asker]

Yeah. I’ll try again. I will try again. Thank you

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome

[boobliker]

boy and be very shy