Do all men like a challenge?

[HappyWoman34]

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. Be all over the men I liked or loved. I’ve noticed since I’m not, I’ve become a little bit more successful in the dating game. I also let it show that I’m not completely nice all the time. Do men really all like to know that they’re not needed?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'd say @Giddyup nailed it. I'm training for a marathon while carrying 35lbs. That's a challenge. First time I took a 1000m shot... THAT was a challenge. What I want from women is no drama and no games, which sounds like the opposite of what you're doing.

Now, "I also let it show that I’m not completely nice all the time"... that isn't necessarily as bad as it sounds. Nobody is nice all the time. If you're showing the real you, that's admirable. If you're picking fights for the sake of illustrating your point, you're about 20 years too old to be doing that.

I never expect to be needed outside of delivering violence unto people who make bad life choices. I don't need to be needed beyond that, I just want to be wanted.

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t pick fights, for the sake of it. I’m often mistaken as being weak, simpleminded and basic, even placid, because I hate throwing my weight around so much.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I see, soooo... when we talk about being a challenge, what does that look like specifically?

[HappyWoman34]

Not being a try hard I guess

[BoopBoopBeep]

If you're not trying hard why should I? I'm worth more than someone just phoning it in.

[HappyWoman34]

Good point.

[HappyWoman34]

So you’d rather a girl was all over you?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Also, not for nothing, but if you (not you personally... but... you know) are just going to phone it in, I'll end up with your friend who IS going to try. Or the lady at work who IS going to try, or the woman from my gym who IS going to try.

People act like they're in a closed petri dish or something and they can run their experiment however and control ALL the variables, but your petri dish doesn't have a lid on it, so it can be influenced by a WHOLE lot of contaminants. Relationships are the same. You can piss on your partner every day and be like "Where's he/she going to go?" Well... eventually you'll find out.

[HappyWoman34]

I’m not referring to anyone in particular, merely thinking out loud.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well I know what the phrase "all over you" means generally, but it depends how you mean it. All good things turn bad in excess. If you want to spend time with me, great, if you cry if every waking moment is NOT with you, bad. If we're defining "all over you" as openly flirting with you when they see you", then I can think of four off the top of my head who are like that now and I'm not dating any of them, so if that in and of itself is too much to ask from my partner how long is she going to be my partner?

[HappyWoman34]

Interesting 😊

[BoopBoopBeep]

A lot of people are interesting. Not in a good way. They'll do stuff for their best friend and have no iota of a willingness to do the same for their partner. My partner has always been my best friend. Your sorority sister has the flu so you go make her food all week so she's not weak but you won't even make me a sandwich when you're already making one for yourself? Okay, I'm going over to my coworker's house for a nice homecooked meal. Don't get mad now. Too late for that.

[HappyWoman34]

Well, I’m meaning women who are all over you with flirting. Really full on. Not women who don’t respect or treat their partners properly.

[BoopBoopBeep]

It's fun to flirt. It makes people feel attractive to the other person, which is different than just feeling attractive in general. We can negotiate on where to draw the line for "full on" and what's enough for one couple or too much for one couple is so nuanced as to not be effective to debate any more than you can dance about architecture, so it behooves a person to learn what the appropriate amount is for THEIR partner, because if they're willing to go an eternity without finding that out, they're also betting that nobody else will find out either, and that usually ends poorly

[HappyWoman34]

That much I totally agree with

[Anonymous]

Most men, no. It's a persistent myth perpetuated mostly by women.

But here's the irony in it. Half of women complain that men won't chase after them, and the other half complain that men won't take no for an answer.

[HappyWoman34]

So, it’s confusing?

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t read social cues well. I’ve just noticed that I’m doing better with guys, the less I try. But I was a real people pleaser, so my idea of not trying, is not trying too hard.

[HappyWoman34]

But I wasn’t referring to you. I ask a lot of questions because I’m bored and I enjoy discussions.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha, I'm the same way regarding social clues. I embarrass myself a lot but don't realize it until after the fact. Good luck to you!

[HappyWoman34]

Good luck to you too 😊

[HappyWoman34]

But yes you’re right that you do know me. I’m Kat. We were friends years ago, in person.

[Opinion Owner]

Were we? When and where?

[HappyWoman34]

Perhaps not then. Someone on here said they know me. I assumed it might be you

[Opinion Owner]

Nah, wasn't me.

[HappyWoman34]

Oh I see 😊. Must be coincidental

[Giddyup]

In general, I believe you will attract people that act as you do. If your not completely nice, you might expect a not nice guy? If you lead on that you don't need them, then expect a guy that doesn't need you either.

It all depends on what your looking for and what you want, in my opinion.

[rigmarole]

Men like to challenge themselves to accomplish legitimate goals. There are things we struggle at, that we want to get better at and overcome. Artificial drama from women isn't a genuine challenge. It's just a woman being annoying. Guys don't like annoying women.

[rigmarole]

Men want to see a genuine personality. Always faking being nice just to be likable isn't real, but trying to act mean and annoying to "show them" you aren't nice all the time is just phony and shows you have a shitty drama queen personality. No guy I've ever known wants to deal with that bullshit.

[Juxtapose]

Man whatever happened to the days of people just being madly in love with each other?

[HappyWoman34]

I totally agree

[exitseven]

A challenge yes, but all the stupid games girls used to play really soured me on dating

[jahaims]

Most men do not like games/challenge when it comes to a relationship

[Anonymous]

They used to, but not as much as anymore.

[eagle1951]

i'm always needed even at my age