So, you tell me if this was good text to send or not, because at this point, I am not even trying to play games anymore?

[DaveJord]

This is one of those classic situations where you meet a woman online. You text for few days and then you exchange numbers. This woman says this is the first time she had ever gone online. So, I was very clear with her, when I told her.

"I would like to exchange numbers with you, before I ask, I want to know if you are just testing the waters online for the first time, or are you here because you seriously want to meet new people?"

We exchange numbers, but she is relatively unresponsive. Like 6 to 12 hours between responses in text. Like when we were on the site, she was responding all the time.

So, this morning I sent this text.

" I asked before exchanging numbers if you were seriously open to meeting people and having a relationship, and this weekend we made no progress on that. Like I have seriously tried to make time for it, even when I was busy. So we are getting into this territory where I am messaging you first all the time, and you are kind of blowing me off.

So, if you are not interested, if you don't care, or whatever the deal is its all good to me. Just be straight up about it. Don't waste my time, let me know what you want, or ghost if you want to ghost.

But this is boring the shit out of me."

So, what do you think? Was it worth even sending, I mean women say they want honest?

Updates

6 mo

She read the text and has not responded in over week, and I feel better off for it. I don't have time for it. Never send a text like that unless you are 100% sure you don't give a shit about her.

I quit caring because of the bullshit she put on me. She needs to learn not to do that to guys but if she wants to find a good one that will not take advantage of her.

Which was never my intent or purpose to ever take advantage, but the next one probably will. But she needs to learn.

Updates

6 mo

I made her think about it for second, even if she only thinks I am an asshole. Doesn't mean that she did not have this opportunity to learn something about herself and improve upon it.

Let me tell you, I hear these stories from women all the time, and only the worst types of men entertain this type of stuff until they get what they want and bore of it. Now that I read this post, I can't even remember which woman this one was.

[Hawkes_Lady]

You could have been a tad less harsh and a little more polite with your wording... like what I've written below, it says the same thing, but I think a little less harsh.

"I hope you don't mind my bringing up a topic that's been on my mind. Before we exchanged numbers, I inquired about your openness to meeting new people and the potential for a meaningful relationship. However, I've noticed that this weekend didn't provide much progress in that regard. I've genuinely made an effort to make time for our connection, even amidst a busy schedule.

It seems like I've been taking the initiative in our conversations, and there have been instances where I sensed a lack of responsiveness on your part. If your interest or circumstances have changed, that's perfectly acceptable. I hold honesty and open communication in high regard. Please feel free to share your thoughts and intentions. Whether you wish to continue our connection or step back, I would greatly appreciate your clarity and respect for my time. Your directness would be sincerely valued."

Although, I do feel your frustration at the dating situations you seem to be finding yourself in. Maybe, and this is just a suggestion because I don't know what your approach has been, but maybe you need to make it abundantly clear that you are in the market for a long-term relationship with someone. The paragraphs below are usually what I lead with when I am questioning whether the person I am talking to or considering dating is being a little hedgy.

"I want to make it clear that I am exclusively interested in dating individuals who share my desire for a committed, monogamous, and long-term relationship. My intention is to avoid any kind of game-playing. I fully understand that our lives are busy, but I hold the belief that when two people are genuinely interested in building a relationship, they should make a genuine effort to invest time in getting to know each other and explore the potential this connection holds.

If you foresee yourself consistently needing to reschedule, not being able to allocate time for us, or considering the possibility of abruptly discontinuing our interactions, I kindly request that you be forthright and honest about your intentions. It's important to me that we both approach this with clarity and if this doesn't align with your expectations, it's best to address it openly and promptly."

I hope that this helps. Good luck!

[DaveJord]

Well I very much appreciate your response. I post's like this it's hard to list out all the details. Now I did make it clear to her I am looking for someone who's open to meeting. I told her after 2nd day... l am about texting for week or so and we should meet in person. That when it comes to online dating the initial meet is most important and more feet dragging and delay there is... I lose interest fast. Lots of women on line waste people's times. She said she unders6andvwe traded numbers after that. I have online dated a lot... so be honest, clear and upfront.

Now yes I could of been nicer... but your assuming at that piont I was still interested in her... which no I wasn't. I have tried nicer approach many times... trust you just know when got someone whose is a waste of time.

Lastly the whole time she's busy her online profile stays constant green on activity status... so I pretty much h suspect she linked up with other men... which is again a very common online tactic women do all the time. Talking to 3 to 5 other guys at once, so yeah in those scenarios the other guys will always want it more than me. I got no time for it.

I learned that from. Women... if they don't treat how you want thrn s rew them and never give them a second chance... trust me they aren't worth your time.

But you give some very good advice on improving my profile, thanks.
I do like that bit about making clear i am only exclusively interested in women that want build a relationship and make nesseccary time to invest. Like single Working moms are the worst at this shit, and they are the highest population of women on line.

[DaveJord]

And I am sorry, I cpuld never respond that nice to woman online tha I have never met in person... trust me if your too nice these women... they will walk all over you. Like they don't do it on purpose, they don't mean to do it... but that's how entitled they feel... they just don't ever see what's wrong about it.

[Hawkes_Lady]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Radiate143]

Yes, it was. This is something you write to yourself to get out of your system and then ghost the person back.

[Radiate143]

Sorry I meant you shouldn't have sent it.

[Radiate143]

@Nana995 what do you mean?

[DaveJord]

@Radiate143 I like your initial response better that is 100% my plan, and 100% why I sent it. You totally said exactly what I was thinking. Like seriously I got no time for playing these things.

[Radiate143]

No, I never meant you should have sent it. I made a mistake. I think it WAS NOT worth sending.

[Radiate143]

@Nana995 OK dear

[DaveJord]

Oh, yeah, I totally agree with you on that... duh? Like you only send that type of text when you are done with it and moving on.

[Radiate143]

Or, not and just move on and leave them wondering. Especially just at this early talking stage.

[DaveJord]

Not my style. I mean you are probably right, like on some level I know you are right. But I hate it when people do that shit to me... so I always leave parting text... it's just what I do. I mean it never works, as far as habing her run back to me and want to date me... but it ain't working any way so why not. I am not losing anything... and if I really am the first guy she has connected wtih on line, then she needs to learn... only worst types will entertain those types of game.

So, it's like not even 50% I will ever hear from her again, but I loss nothing in being honest. That what they all say they want, so that is how it works when you get what you want, and you waste the opportunity... but of course women will not see it that way.

[DudeofDubai]

Don't initiate a convo doesn't mean they're not interested, some people have a low self esteem. They are afraid to make a convo thinking we would ghost them. Its not a deal, give them a time and make comfortable.

About unresponsive texts, that too at beginning of a texting phase doesn't look good. You either don't take serious effort to message her or just leave her. Mental Peace should be your priority

[DaveJord]

100% mentally I feel good about it.

I don't really care what her issues are... there no space for that thinking when Comes to online dating and guessing what her deal is. Trust me she's way more tied up in her own emotions, needs, and wants then she's concerned about my feelings.

That thing these days, guys are all about being g concerned over woman's feelings... but they don't really give a shit about yours or how the things they do for reasons they do them effect you... so yeah ypu want go online and give womr. The benefit of doubt... your in for a world of pain.

[dynamicyandere]

I think the idea was good. To assert your expectations and lay clear boundaries. To not tolerate dilly-dallying or disrespectful behavior. You communicated what needed to be said.


The delivery though, was a bit harsh. If you could touch on all those points without sounding as harsh, it may have been better. Otherwise, you sound like you’re fed up and basically done with her.

[DaveJord]

I 100% agree... and you are right about way it sounds.

[Kevsker]

I think the general idea of your text was valid, but the execution could have been better. If you had kept it polite and sincere, she might have apologised and tried harder to respond on time. Now you completely told her off and to basically "go F herself", even though (if I understood correctly) you've only exchanged numbers a few days prior to this. Be patient. I've never online dated before, but I am sure you would have had a better chance at this if you asked nicely first. If she wouldn't have changed, then it would be justified to send her a text like this one.

P. S. Don't take this personally, I'm just giving you my insight and advice :)

[DaveJord]

I am not taking it personal at all.. and your response is 100% in line with someone who had never online dated before... like honestly 90% of women online do this shit... there is no back sliding into sex when they do this shit, you just end up wasting a shit ton of your time.

I been on line for two years, I have message 100s of women, and when out with 17 of them in the last 24 months... they are all huge time wasters. But I still have hopes, but I will tell you this and this is 100% truth... and even most these women will admit it.

If she is the one, and if she is in a good place to be dating... they don't do this shit.

So this woman specifically, was in a three-year relationship that ended three weeks ago... she not seriously ready to be dating... so its best on some level to give her the preverbally fuck off. Because online can be a dangerous place for women like this.

The only advice I give all women who go online, is this... if you are not 100% sure what you are looking for, and if you are not 100% open to the possibility of finding that online... then stay offline... it's not the place for you.

I gave her a legimate shot, and she blew it so... best to let her know that most guys will do what you advise... and then after they take advantage... she will learn the hard way.

[Nikki1989]

There are no good texts. They are cold and emotionless.

[DaveJord]

Ain't that the truth! ;) thanks.

[Staximus]

You sound like you had high expectations that didn't pan out and now you are bitter. Relax dude. You are expecting too much from somebody you don't even know. "And this weekend we made no progress on that" That sounds like you think she has to stick to your agenda or you are her boss or something. I think you have some issues you need to sort out before you begin dating again. You seem demanding, overbearing, and insecure. Relax and chill the fuck out, dude.

[DaveJord]

Actually no not all... I had low expectations and that's why it was so easy to so.

But thanks for the encouragement! 😉

[Nirmroth]

Always keep it short and match their energy. If you got her off the apps only write about logistics, some small flirts and thats it.

She doesn't want a penpal but a date, give her what she wants and dont be a penpal.

[DaveJord]

But they do want a pin pal that's the problem.

[Nirmroth]

Update: The mental gymnastics to shift the blame to her are insane.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, I see how you can make the that leap to blame shifting. I understand that... and I get it. But that honestly was not the case here with this one. But I cannot deny that it happens all the time... and you are not wrong for having your opinion and I respect that.

[DaveJord]

I was basically calling her out and giving her an opportunity to learn something and improve upon it, because real honest, sincere and genuine men you find online, will not really entertain this shit unless they are only into it for sex. And that was my only point, I gave her every opportunity to earn my trust... but obviously I cannot provide two weeks of talking and interacting with all the details and facts of all the things that were said and never backed up in actions.

So, yes, my final message back to her was my parting shot... like I had no alterative motives or intent to ever see or talk to her again.

[msc545]

Bad move. You need to have spoken to her on the phone.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, I offered that twice and she would respond with something non-committal. I ain't spinning my wheels on a woman like that, even if it was just for the pussy... I am past that shit phase in my life.

[DaveJord]

I want something else and more or and if it going to be just about the pussy she needs to make it easier than that, but I am not wasting my time.

[msc545]

I understand you are angry at her, and that comes through very clearly in your text. I predict that if you send it (I hope you have not as yet) she will dump you.

[DaveJord]

No not all angry

[msc545]

sure sounded like that - but ok. Did you send it?

[DaveJord]

Yeah I sent it... I mean annoyed is not anger. There was a back story, I mad it clear to her what the expectations were. It was more rude then angry... but that's what she did to me. And I ain't got time for it.

So she will never message me again, I will never message her... and we both know why.

Dude I do a lot of online dating bro. I am not chasing after a women that shows no interest. I am not going to be any nicer to thrm then they deserve... you want play all nice and butter up to them... they will do nothing but waste your time and walk all over you. Like they don't all mean to do it on pupose... they honestly don't... but that's how entitled they feel, I mean they can't stop themselves or prevent themselves from doing it.

You just know when your not going to get what ypu want, and it's not worth your time to even try to get sex out of it.

[msc545]

Prostitutes are a much better and less expensive solution.

[DaveJord]

I would not know, but if they are not cheaper, they are sure the hell do not waste or your time.

[msc545]

exactly, and usually quite pleasant.

[DaveJord]

I am not angry at her... I am honestly not angry with her. I appreciate that she got the message honestly. Like I straight, direct and honest with her. The message was if you are going to take me seriously then don't reply it's not worth your time or mine.

I trying to send the message, don't accept behaviors like this, and if you doing to this people be more aware of the environment you are operating in when you go online. Because only the worst type of men, will entertain it.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Makes great sense to me. Being honest and straightforward is the only way to start a relationship. It shows trust

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Texting is always secondary to talking

[DaveJord]

Always... if they can't make the time in first few days... then she is not offering you much of anything.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

@DaveJord makes sense. Been out of the dating scene for a long while. Lucky I guess 🤣

[DaveJord]

I wad divorced at 44... been out there for the last three years. When I was married, I never gave much thought to these horror stories... dude at our age it's like so fucking hard... so remember that. All these women our age are damaged beyond repair it seems.

I need to take a break from it so telling this woman to fuck off, came easy. Like I am just tired of the bullshit... like do not waste any one's time honestly. They want you to respect them an all their feelings and emotions, but this is the shit they put you through then act like they cannot find any good men.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Virtual nod of encouragement!