Boyfriend mentions his ex randomly rarely on stories etc?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend loves me and shows me lots of affection. He sometimes mentions his ex in stories or something we're talking about like a small topic. He doesn't do this often thankfully. It does makes me feel uncomfortable and weird, and i want to tell him this. Do you think it's weird or a bad thing he does it? I assume he just speaks his mind if something relevant comes

[Oliverlogan263]

It's understandable that mentioning his ex would make you feel uncomfortable bro. A few thoughts:

- If it's truly random/irrelevant stuff, that's kinda weird he's bringing her up at all. Like why even go there?

- Maybe he doesn't realize how it impacts you to hear about past relationships. Guys can be clueless sometimes.

- I'd chat with him openly but calmly about it. Say something like "I know you don't mean anything by it, but when you bring up your ex it makes me feel insecure in our relationship. Think we could leave the past in the past?"

- As long as they aren't still talking or hung up on each other, try not to freak. Could just be an absentminded habit.

- See how he responds to you opening up. If he gets defensive, that's not a good sign. But hopefully he'll understand and agree to make an effort not to mention her moving forward.

Trust your gut too. But giving him a chance to adjust his behavior seems fair before getting too worried. Communication is key - you got this!

[Asker]

Thank you for your response kindly and helpfully. I've noticed clearly that when he mentions her on random stuff like he is telling me a story that included her, or you know, relevant stuff when talking and mentioning her. I notice he does this when we're doing something together that his ex or both did in the past. Like, getting a pop up thought. He is very affectionate with me, says he appreciates me, cares for me etc. We were watching Legend of Korra and explained that he watched all episodes and seasons, and right after said his ex has watch only 2 episodes. And i was like "I didn't ask anything about her"🤣

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome. Ah gotcha, yeah that makes sense. Like I said, if it's actually relevant to the story or conversation then it's not a huge deal. But it does sound like sometimes he brings her up for no real reason, like with the Legend of Korra thing. That's kinda weird that he just randomly threw in that detail about what she watched.

I'd say next time it happens, you could play it off lightheartedly like "dude, I don't need to hear about your ex right now!" Just say it with a laugh so he knows you're not really mad. But it will remind him not to bring her up unnecessarily. And if he keeps doing it, then maybe have a more serious convo where you're like "look, I trust you and all, but I don't wanna constantly hear about your past relationship. I'm your girlfriend now, so keep your ex in the past where she belongs."

He probably doesn't mean anything by it, but dudes aren't always the best at realizing when something bothers their girl. Just gotta gently let him know so he can make the adjustment. Hopefully he'll get the hint and stop bringing her up so randomly going forward!

[Asker]

Definitely he says things spontaneously though😅

Thank you so much again! Have a great day

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, glad I could help provide some perspective! And yeah dudes are definitely prone to just saying random shit without thinking sometimes haha.

Seems like your boy really cares about you though, so I wouldn't stress it too much as long as the ex mentions don't get excessive. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know you can mention it casually if he keeps bringing her up inappropriately.

Hope all continues going great between you two! Enjoy the rest of your day too luv, take it easy 🤙

[boggboss]

So tell him how u feel

[Asker]

Well sure anyways

[boggboss]

When he mentions her does it seem like the focuse was to bring her up

[Asker]

No i don't think so.. if the focus was to bring her up then he would do it more often in other ways 🤷 he had a 4 year relationship with her before we met, he did have a lot of experience in the past. So sometimes he mentions her spontaneously when it comes to something relevant

[boggboss]

Then I don't think it's a problem

[Asker]

Thank you 👍