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He's not over them. Doesn't matter if he talks about his past relationships positively or negatively. Constantly bringing them up means he has unresolved issues. It's one thing to talk a little people you've dated in the past when asked (and even then you shouldn't go on at length about it) but it's another it have it be a constant thing. Likely the same stuff happens over and over in his relationships (probably something he does or lets happen by picking certain people or not being assertive enough in what he wants) and instead of figuring out how to fix and avoid it he keeps repeating the same pattern. Until he finds out what that pattern is and how to stop it he'll continue making the same mistakes. You might end up as another one of his exes he talks about all the time. He needs to grow up a lot and there isn't much you can do to help him right now.
I say it really all depends on where the line is drawn. You want some type of information about his past because it reflects the future and his future choices. He doesn't have to always go into detail. But it helps to pay very close attention to what he says and does. The sex part is very important because that is how you will know if you're compatible with him or not. Such as what are his views about it, does he respect your views, what kind of sex acts he's into, and such. However, again, he doesn't have to get into detail. But it's always good to let the other express themselves because everything is an act until you see how they react. You don't want to fall for a fact and then regret it. If it sounds like he's always bashing his ex, or constantly praising his ex. Then THAT is a red flag.
this is his way of manipulating you . he is warning you not to behave like his ex's .
what he's saying is . you're just as bad as they were . unless you do what he likes .
his comparisons of you to his ex's is his way of telling you how to act and not make him angry .
the way you are suppose to please him or else . bc if he gets into one of his moods it's
your fault just like his ex's . he's potentially an abusive control freak .
oh i'm sorry i don't mean potentially . he is already controlling you .
talking to him is useless . free yourself from a victim villain .
Is this a sign of abuse if a guy talks negatively of his exes?
How is he comparing it exactly? Like is he comparing you to them and finding you wanting? Then that's a bad sign and you need to talk to him about it. If he is saying how horrible they where but your great well then that might not be a bad thing (my friend will occasionally talk about his ex in front of his girlfriend and it usually ends with him explaining that his girlfriend is awesome and his ex was terrible). However if its constant you need to talk to him about it because its not fair to you that your stuck with this baggage. How would he like it if you where constantly brining up your exs to him? So just talk to him, be upfront be direct and let him know that it bothers you. If it continues and he makes no attempt to change then it might be necessary for you to break up.
Mostly it's that they're bad people and I'm good. But sometimes it's like "I did this with so-and so why can't we do it?"
The first isn't so bad, the second part is however. You need to tell him that isn't appropriate, that you are you, you are not his ex's so if they did this with him and he likes it he can go back to them. You shouldn't have to be constantly compared to some one else, either he is with you or he isn't. If you have to explain to him that you can start comparing him to your ex's, (only if he doesn't let up) tell him how your ex's never compared you to their ex's, tell him how they never pressured you into doing something you didn't want to do. If being nice and honest and open doesn't work, if being rude about it doesn't work then it might be necessary to break up with him but try to explain to him how this is making you feel when he does that and how you don't understand why he would want to do that to you, then if that doesn't work you can try the more blunt approach and then if that doesn't work, again, you will have to break up with him because clearly he can't respect your feelings
Yeah, thanks for the advice. I'll take what you said into consideration.
Good luck, I hope it works out.
Me too:)
D, we all have our issues and quirks, if we left every relationship at the first sign of a problem, we wouldn't have a human race. Stand your ground and confront him that this is making you feel uncomfortable (and rightfully so) give him a few weeks to a few months at most (depending on what you feel most comfortable with) to change, helping him along the way.
If all fails, choose B, it's a failed relationship and his obsession with his exes might end up in some love triangle between you, him and one of his exes who might want to get back together with him. He sounds like the comparative judging type anyway, no one should have to deal with being personally treated like shit by the one they love for too long
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I don't know, unless he's talking about how much he loves them. It takes some people a long time to get over things, I don't think you can expect someone to just act like a robot and exile their feelings and thoughts about a thing that may have been a major part of their life for a long time. It's just not realistic or really moral even.
But if it's been going on for a while, or he keeps doing it the same amount after some time has passed, then I would consider it a problem.
I don't really mind him talking about them, I just don't want him to mood me into them.
It hurts, because I feel I'm not enough for him... it also makes me feel like a rebound he's just pumping his emotions into.
I think you should tell him you don't want to be compared to his exes then.
Yes, I'd definitely consider that a red flag. Casually mentioning an ex once in a while is fairly normal, but bringing them up constantly implies that he is stuck in the past or still harboring feelings for them. And if he is openly comparing you to his exes- yikes. Get out of there.
If you really appreciate him and wish to have a long term relationship, then you should talk to him about it. Its important for you to communicate your feelings openly, and allow him to answer to your feelings. Communication is crucial in building a solid relationship.
I voted B but for me it kind of depends.
If he's talking about his exes like "hey, I love this place, I haven't been here since so-and-so and I broke up," then that wouldn't bother me. I think that's normal. People don't come into your life fresh out of the box, after all.
However, if he's comparing you to his exes and making you feel shitty, then I wouldn't stick around. There are far better things and people to do and meet. You don't have to settle for a serial nitpicker.
I think you should at least let him know it's bothers you when he constantly talks about his ex.
Personally when guys do this, I feel like they're just trying to show off/make you jealous on purpose to gauge your reaction. If he doesn't stop after you've spoken to him about it then I'd probably break up with him. Behaviour like that can be quite damaging to a relationship.
If he's talking about ALL of his past exes, I don't think he hasn't moved on from them.
However , it's not healthy for any relationship if you compare your present sex life to those of your past.
It could just be that he's immature or bragging. It's like he's trying to prove something.
If you're uncomfortable about him talking that way, then either mention it to him, or end it and let that be a deal-breaker for you
You should talk to him and ask him why he is always talking about his past relationships… those girls shouldn't be on his mind whilst he's out spending time with you. You two should be getting to know about each others lives, but not about his ex's, why would he think you'd give a shit about them or his old sex life.
It's definitely a red flag. Don't settle for someone who can't see past their past relationships to be with you. It's one thing if it's trauma but even then you're settling for someone who can't handle being in a relationship. It's not proper behavior to frequently talk about exes to your partner.
I don't have much problems if someone brings up their ex on a casual basis (for example I mention a place and they sag their ex lives there). What I do have problems with is if they either absolutely hate their ex especially if it seems to be for a silly reason or if they seem to still be in love with them.
Stay with him a little longer but stand your ground and confront him about the issue. If he continues, then warn him it's his last chance. If he still persists on talking about his ex's after that then leave him and cease contact.
I thinks that's a red flag. If I am on a date then I don't want to hear her talk about her exes unless I ask her. This is our date. I don't want to compare myself with her exes. She can compare me to her exes in the background. And I will compare my exes in the background.
You should say something like 'well it was real nice learning so much about your ex's... now let's move on or I'm going to move on from you and trust me the next guy i date will know NOTHING about you.'
If he does it one more time, you slap him... slap him real hard... and then walk out on him...
Ok, which girl actually downvoted this response? XD
lol... thats a definite red flag. and depending on what is being said... could get even worse.
If its bad shit... thats no good, if its good shit... thats fine, but then you gotta ask what you are doing there then...
this goes both ways.
I couldn't be with a girl who talks about her ex all the time.
So maybe you need to take a look at this from another prospective.
I'm a very forgiving person and I feel it's a weakness sometimes.
I know it's red flag but I want to give him a chance
If you two can put this past you than i don't see it being a issue.
I think it's a deal breaker if he does it often. The new girl should never hear about the past girls unless the new girl asks information about them.
D + 100% red flag. it's never a good thing to compare exes/gf's...
It does kinda make me feel like I'm not good enough for him.
i'd really recommend to make him stop comparing and otherwise leave him. so many better guys in the world. most guys who compare are assholes who think they can have tons of girls if they wanted to..
I might ask him to stop, as it's really bringing my self worth down.
I can cope with him talking about them, but the comparing really hurts me.
it's like you say, he's putting you down and that should not happen in a relationship it should go up and not down.. it's not healthy for you and especially the relationship you both are in.
Yeah your right.
Communication is key to a good relationship. I just need to have the confidence to state how I feel
yep :).
is it that he's talking about his ex's like he's reminiscing or is he talking s*** about them like mentioning all the things they f***** up on
Reminiscing and then he gets angry and a bit upset and talks shit about them
You think so? Even if he's comparing me to them?
think about it like this the stuff you two are doing together and his mind is going to be the good things y'all did together if you think back to when he was doing the same with his ex's he's just going to think about how horrible his time was with them which makes you look better
He just feels so distant lately.
I'm not sure
No, maybe I should just talk to him and ask him what's wrong and that he can talk to me.
Ok, thank you fir the advice.
I hope everything's ok, because I actually care about him more than myself.
I just hope he does as much too
It's not so much a red flag as it is just annoying af. Like you're with me now. Get over your ex or we don't need to be together.
I've been in this situation with a guy and I wished I got out of it when I could. He Talked about an ex on the first date.. I was kind enough to pass it off.. but 6 mos into it I ended it because he still was communicating /friends with her. Wish I could have saved 6 mos of my life just ending it there. You deserve to be with someone not still hurt and who You don't have to worry about if other women are occupying his time/mind.
Not everybody thinks the same way. Its subjectice to the person. Some people it might bother others it might interest. there's no rule book in life and code of conduct. If you don't like it then it's wrong for you and you should say so
I would hate that. My boyfriend talks about his exes sometimes but not in a way that worries me. He talks about them in ways that reassure me that he is happy he is with me and not them.
Red flag. Even my crush won't talk about his ex girlfriends when I'm in the room if asked about them. It clear your date is not over his ex and that can be toxic for your relationship.
yes, leave him cause he is fishing for a girl like his ex..! And he will try to change you acccording to his whim and fantasies..!
Been there done that..!
This is partially why I think being casual about dating is not the way to go. It leads to a culture of comparisons. And people going from one person to the next in very little time. It's just weird to me. Like I've been alone my whole life and I'm doing just fine, and meanwhile, you can't be alone for like 3 weeks? 🤔
ahhahaha... does he really do that? that's just mean. does he have any consideration with you?
Yeah, I think he's just dealing with shit though.
Yeah that's a HUGE red flag. Who the hell compares their current sex life's to the exes. That's fucked up lol, get out while you can
I would tell him to resolve his conflicts with her. It sounds like there are some issues that he needs to address.
Sometimes exs are an impact we can't avoid.
My ex long term boyfriend was mentally and physically abusive.
A friend raped me.
I don't see why I should have to pretend it didn't happen for my boyfriends feelings.
He's got some unresolved issues. You need to date someone who isn't stuck in the past.
The guy has baggage. If that doesn't tell you, having that many exes speaks volumes too.
Even a blind person with no fingers could point that problem out with crystal clarity. Beware!
become one of them ( an ex) and he will talk about you too
No it is a very good sign.
God's sake. Ofc it is a bad sign.
Can you say something like, when you talk about your exes it makes me feel like you are still stuck on them and can't fully love me
You might be his rebound girl, yea it is a red flag.
He shouldn't talk about his ex girlfriend but maybe he was hurt.
Ya think? You're second best. At best.
yes you want him to talk about you date him then break up with him lol
Yes it is a red flag but the key is to communicate
I don't want to hear about them at all
Maybe he wants more sex or his girlfriend was just better at it.
he is still not over her
how long has he been broken up from his last ex?
I think it is about 1 or 2 months ago
He shouldn't be jumping into another relationship so quickly.
I recommend laying him down with gentle hands. Tell him that he needs some time to figure out his own issues before dating someone else. Be honest that you don't appreciate hearing about his exes. It's one thing if he brought it up once or twice but ALL THE TIME is disrespectful. But I don't think he's purposely being disrespectful.
I understand what your saying, thank you
I say this from personal experience. I dated a girl for 9 months last year and I had some very deep unresolved issues with ex before her. I was well aware that nobody wants to hear about "exes", especially the person you are dating. I only brought up the issue once to her (after we dated 7 months) but it was impacting me. She then ghosted me 2 months later without warning. So the painful ex cycle continues...
I'm sorry she ghosted you, that's very nasty of her. She should of at least told you why. Even if you think you know why.
I can understand how it feels to have unresolved answers.
I wasn't that hurt, just disappointed. She even blocked me on FB. However what my ex before her did was 10 times worse.
It's getting harder and harder to trust women.
Anyway if you have a honest conversation with this guy you will have done right. Obviously his complaints about being lonely will only make him more lonely lol. But it's disrespectful that he's doing that to you.
I was disappointed too, my ex before this guy blocked me on Facebook too.
I tried everything but I guess I'm the end he just didn't love me and I guess I understand why. I find it hard to trust guys sometimes, but I know there is one person who isn't like the rest and I hope they find me.
True, I'll have a good talk with him, I told myself I'd talk to him tomorrow. I just couldn't because he was in a bad mood, I didn't want to make him worse.
Yes it's a red flag.
leave
Yes, red flag.
A huge red flag
You should move on and help him move on as well
yes, red flag.
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