Is him bringing up his ex on the first date a red flag I could ignore?

[Anonymous]

I feel like it normally is and I’m just ignoring the obvious/trying to excuse but I really like him and he seems into me. But everywhere I’ve read says bringing up the ex on the first date is a red flag. I don’t want to RUN like all the advice I’ve read tells me to. I also don’t know if I’m just being wishful/naive because I really like him. We have another date set up, he’s excited to see me, I feel we have good chemistry but I’m worried if he’s not over his ex it’s not going to work out and I’m going to be extremely disappointed. I commented on a rock climbing place next to where we were getting dinner and how some people are so impressive getting up there effortlessly. He said “I know I went there with my ex once who was from somewhere with mountains and I fell off immediately when I tried”
It’s just felt really uncomfortable he said this the first date. He could’ve left his ex out and just said he went there and failed. So.. what do you think? Am I really being naive, it’s that severe and I really should run? Or can I give him another chance and just tread carefully? The date is tomorrow.. I’m so conflicted.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough one. On the one hand, yeah all the advice says not to bring up exes on the first date, that's usually not a good sign. But I get why you like this guy too so you don't wanna just blow it off.

My advice would be... proceed with caution. Definitely don't ignore the sign, but maybe give it one more chance to see how the next date goes. If he brings up the ex again, that'd be a bigger red flag. But it could've just been a slip up mentioning her that one time too.

I'd say try to steer conversation off exes the next date, and watch how he talks about past relationships. If he seems really hung up on his ex still, or keeps volunteering too much info about her, then that's probably not a good sign. But if this is the only time he's brought her up and he focuses on you on the next date, it might just have been a random comment rather than him not being over her.

Go into it with an open mind but also kinda guard your heart a little too, since you really like him. Pay attention to how he acts and if any other red flags pop up. Good luck and hope the next date goes well! Let me know how it goes.

[Asker]

Update: Second date I think it went really well! I didn’t really notice any red flags but at the same time, usually when that happens I start to suspect maybe I’ll be ghosted. Like it’s too good to be true? It could just be my own insecurities/past experiences clouding my judgment but I really hope he doesn’t ghost me because I do like him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Omg yay, I'm so glad to hear your second date went well! It really does sound super promising if you didn't notice any red flags. Fingers crossed this one works out for you girl!

I totally get where your head goes with being worried it's too good to be true though, we've all been ghosted before and it sucks. But try not to psych yourself out - it sounds like you really connected with this guy. And the fact he set up another date is a good sign he's interested too.

My advice would be, don't overanalyze everything and just let things unfold naturally. Easier said than done, I know! But you deserve to find someone awesome who makes you happy. If he reaches out to see you again, take that as another positive. And if he ghosts, then yeah it would suck but at least you had some fun dates in the meantime, you know?

You got this girl! Trust that intuition of yours. Keep living your best life either way, and hopefully he'll stick around to be a part of it. Keep me posted, I'm rooting for you both! Sending all the good date mojo your way 😘

[Danny_dan92]

Depending on the context…. Did you ask about it? Or was it spontaneous? If it was spontaneous the boy still wants her

[Asker]

I’ll copy and paste what I said in case you didn’t read it all, ik it’s a lot. I said:
“I commented on a rock climbing place next to where we were getting dinner and how some people are so impressive getting up there effortlessly. He said “I know I went there with my ex once who was from somewhere with mountains and I fell off immediately when I tried””
So.. I didn’t ask about it necessarily, it just came up and he wanted to add context that I didn’t necessarily need. He could just be making conversation with what was available but he could also just be thinking about her and not over her.

[Danny_dan92]

If he brings her up again. It’s a sign to walk away

[slatyb]

Maybe if you have contrary evidence. Sounds like he's not ready for a new relationship.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Let it pass - sassy carefree me 😉😁

[Clarkeee]

Message me I tell you