Is it a red flag if he says all his ex’s cheated or left him?

[Anonymous]

[Jakelyr]

it really depends, and it's only something you can properly answer through observation. does he generally act like a dick? is he a super push over? does his place look like a train rolled through it? is he always flirting? or does he generally seem like a well put together guy?

unless there's something that really sticks out about him, it's just as likely that he's a victim of modern dating. so many people these days are looking to get ahead, giving up love because the next guy/gal has a better job, shinier car, etc... a certain degree of this can be avoided with a greater judge of character. however, i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your average person is not great at this, and it only gets worse once your heart starts doing that pitter patter shit.

as a personal example. i'm currently dating this amazing woman, we moved in together a few years ago and they've been the best years of my life. i myself have had really awful luck when it came to relationships. never got cheated on, just couldn't seem to keep a woman. on the other hand, my girlfriend has been cheated on by almost every guy she's dated. now we've tried to figure this out, but after being together this long, we can't for the life of us understand why we both got the shit end of the stick for so long. she's delightful, cheery, fun to be around, caring, sexually available, and even hates the same people i do, lol. i honestly can't see any reasonable excuse why any guy would want to mess that up.

at the end of the day, it could be an indicator that there's something to watch out for. but if nothing stands out, you could be looking at a great guy who got unlucky.

[Datboi65]

You're overthinking stuff. I've a guy has been cheated on by multiple women, he's simply a dork. No red flags, just stupidity. He might be the most wonderful person, and women would still cheat on him. The reason behind that is his bad taste in women, and usability to read social cues that a woman might be unfaithful.

If a guy is constantly accusing you of cheating when you're not doing anything shady, that's suspicious, because guilty people like to point fingers at others. However, if he just tells you that he was cheated on by every girl he's been with, he's simply a dork who has not learned his lesson despite having the same outcome multiple times.

[Shananagins]

Well how many exes are we talking about? If it's only like 2 then it just might mean he suxks at picking partners. It is like 5 or 6 then he might be doing something that the women find out about and leave or cheat. Ask him why he thinks it's happening to him.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Not necessarily some people just have really bad luck, or HE could have money and a bunch of women who don't want to be loyal that just want to use him and end up cheating on him.

[RoosterMcGavin]

See reading these comments, y'all went after the bad taste in women. I'm going to play Devil's Advocate on this one a bit, because I look at from a different angle being an older guy (38) I would question the validity of the stories of him being cheated on honestly (yes Im aware it does happen), or... is it simply a sympathy ploy. Playing the poor me, wounded victim to gain attention and feed off a woman natural nurturing side. Just like girls do to guys so they get the protective side of the guy, all for attention in one form or another.

[DaveJord]

No it means he has bad taste in women and probably doesn't want to get hurt again. So if you're the type of person that would do that then he hopes by telling you that you would not get involve with him.

It's kind of lame on some level, but he obviously had made poor choices in women before... so he is insecure about and doesn't trust his instincts.

So I would not say it's a red flag, but don't date him if you're not willing to do right by him.

[FilmGuy93]

Yes! But not for the reason you might think. When people pick their romantic partners, they're doing it as a reflection of their innerself. So someone who gets cheated on a lot is subconsciously picking partners who are insecure and need external validation, because that speaks to something about who they are as a deeper person.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Eh, not necessarily. He might just suck at picking good partners or standing up for himself.

I'd ask him what he's learned.

Someone can learn a lot from failed relationships. Or they can be willfully ignorant.

[roy_ricky09]

Red flag for sure not.
It's just how that person is, he maybe weak with emotions or life in general.
Maybe all the exs he had used him and then left
Maybe his partners never saw him the way he is.
It's like a nice guy finish last kinda thing.
Other side is he's lying to get someone feel pity on him and get the attention.
But without putting an effort to understand the person and calling it a red flag is kinda harsh.

[spartan55]

Why would he even tell you that to begin with? THAT is a red 🚩 flag.

[Asker]

So my theory from my girl brain is

His ex’s didn’t cheat, he did but he doesn’t want to sound sus for having several ex’s

He just isn’t a good partner and is playing victim as to why he couldn’t make a relationship work

They did cheat and he wanted me to validate him

[spartan55]

I think your first option is probably it, or close to it. I don't know who 'he' is to you, but hopefully you passed.

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. Huge red flag. Either he has a taste for bad immoral women and has no judge of character or is so weak he doesn't care since he's needy asf OR he drives good women to cheat with his behavior.

Its one or the other or both.

[Jakelyr]

you don't drive someone to cheat, they either have that moral integrity or they don't.

[bamesjond0069]

@Jakelyr And then we woke up and the fantasy was over. Back to reality.

[Jakelyr]

the idea that it's someone else's fault when you decide to cheat is a fantasy if i've ever heard one. one that i've noticed tends to come from individuals who never seem to learn accountability for their own actions

[bamesjond0069]

@Jakelyr ofc its the person who cheats. But one certainly can push their boyfriend or girlfriend towards that choice.

If a girl doesn't fuck her boyfriend for 6 months, that is what im talking about. If a man never takes his girl on a date and when he does he can't figure out what restaurant to take her to, that will tempt her to cheat. Common sense.

So if one gets cheated on constantly by many women, clearly he is not capable or willing to satisfy the demands of a typical woman. And that would be a red flag.

[Jakelyr]

well i'd certainly start by bringing these kinds of issues up with my partner. if you want a good relationship you're going to have to communicate. but you know what, yes, sometimes it just isn't working out.

people fall out of love all the time, but some of us are responsible enough to end a relationship before we start dating someone else. it is never common sense to cheat, if you're not getting enough sex, not enough fancy outings, if you're unhappy you need to shut it down. i'd almost make an exception for people with kids, but then i remembered that child support exists.

i can agree that if someone is cheated on consistently, you might take another look to try and figure out why. but it's hardly a guarantee that there's something wrong with them. my current girlfriend for example, she's been cheated on by every guy she's been with until me. we've been together for years now and i can't think of a single reason anyone would risk losing her. in the end, it's the people who decided to cheat that i have more skepticism for as they clearly lack judgment or consideration.

i'd bet you the guy doesn't even know why they did it. i've had my fair share of failed relationships and when i got dumped i usually wasn't told why. it leaves you wondering, but if they never tell you what's bothering them it could literally be anything.

[bamesjond0069]

@Jakelyr i mean maybe he wouldn't know but i dont see why that would matter. If a girl had had 5 exbfs and they all punched her in the eye and she had no idea why... id still say major red flag. There is no way to explain that in a way where she comes off scott free. Its no different really.

[Jakelyr]

that is an entirely different bag of worms and a whole other level of abuse, the two simply aren't comparable. moving to an extreme like that simply does not add to the conversation thus far.

[bamesjond0069]

@Jakelyr except both are kinds of abuse... lol

[Jakelyr]

societally we already recognize the difference as one happens to come with jail time and a permanent mark on your record. telling me these are the same is like saying getting into a bar fight and raping someone should carry the same sentence.

they're both crimes right? except there is a drastic shift in circumstance and mentality for these two things to happen, not to mention the fallout after the fact.

to get cheated on, all you have to do is not meet one requirement on the invisible list of "things i want this person to do for me". to get beaten, you have to effect them to the point where they want to hurt you.

[Pegases]

It's actually not, no. A red flag would be if he was the one that cheated.

[John_Doesnt]

It could mean that he's American. That's the main reason I stopped dating American women: they usually cheat or just leave if you don't buy them enough things.

[VanillaSalt]

Lol I’m 3/3 on cheaters… if you think that’s a red flag on me well fuck you but you might be right.

[Zolly99999]

That happened to me... I figure there is something wrong with me so I gave up on relationships

[JakeS00]

I guess so. It depends on how many, he could be covering himself up.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why if would be a red flag about him that his exes cheated on him. Two of my exes cheated in me. It's pretty common and it's not the fault of the person who gets cheated on.

[monkeynutts]

He chooses poorly. You should find out why he is dating you. That might be a revelation.

[athlete_7]

Nope maybe true. Decent guys get played on. It could also be possible he likes to play victim card.

[maximumpower]

Yes.

Also signals that he's a whiny crybaby.

He's not likely to change.

[FreyaRed]

It depends how many is "all"

[Avicenna]

Yes, you should enquire further as to why

[sheikalana]

Means something could be wrong with him.

[RuthlessAggression]

it just says those women were awful people

[LazerBean]

Usually.

[Avadarling]

You’re a tough bean

[LazerBean]

Thanks

[TrueConfection]

YES!

[Anonymous]

Well yeah, Id sure think so.

[EaterPeter]

It is a red flag

[In_Trance]

yeah... that's sus