Is he cheating or checked out of the relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my significant other for 6 years and married for the last 2 years. A year ago and overnight, everything changed about how he interacted with me. He doesn't talk to me like he used to. I found out he had 3 credit cards accounts he never told me about. He would make plans to go to concerts with his friends and not say anything to me about them. He will only text me, stopped letting me know when he would be home from work. He would lie to me about small stupid things, which he never did before. There are several other changes too.

I have tried several ways to talk to him and see what is going on. He won't talk to me or says it's not me. We have been seeing a marriage counselor for 6 months now. I'm getting tired of banging my head again the wall with him. I'm pretty sure I know what he's been up to. Is there something I'm missing?

[CMeow]

He could be hiding a bad habit, like drinking, drugs, prostitutes, gambling... or cheating. He could be unhappy with himself or his place in life, and is having a very introspective time where he just can not offer himself emotionally or intellectually to another person, because he is currently too self involved. You might need to discuss in counseling how much your marriage is on the line, and see if he can offer up some sort of explanation. Beyond that, don’t stay in a relationship that won’t meet your needs. You’re young and should find someone to make you happy for the long term

[arabgoddess]

Oh huni 😔 I'm sorry to read what you're going through..
Either it's mid-life crisis..
That he's woken up about his own life and doing things he missed out on doing...
Or he's met someone new...

You don't deserve to be treated like this.. And follow your heart in what it tells you to do!

[nerms123]

If he is not coming clean after six months you need to stop trying and just leave

[broncobryan]

So y'all got married when y'all were in your late 20s but have been together since y'all were in your early 20s? You 2 were committed too early in life. It happens, you 2 haven't had the opportunity to experience anything away from each other. I'd say he's having fun and he doesn't love you anymore because if he did he would be wanting to take you with him when he's doing all of these things.

[Asker]

I was well out of my 20s when we met and this is my second marriage.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Whether he's cheating or not, you've already communicated through inaction that he can ignore the boundaries of the marriage without consequence. Counselling is just a band aid solution if he's secretly acting in ways to undermine the very relationship you're trying to repair.

[Asker]

I agree and I specifically sought out a behavioral physiologist for counseling. But without putting effort in or taking it seriously, it's a waste. Yet he thinks our relationship is fine.

[ReasonCalm]

What ever you do I stress do not give an ultimatum. If your already at a councillor then I'd say that's pretty bleak. Only seems to happen in America... Must be another way to take your money when your middle class... My advice is if your not happy and you've expressed this more than 3 times and nothings changed then leave.

[Unit1]

Looks like he stopped loving you. And it's not going to get better. You don't deserve his recklessness.

At least one of these is now inevitable: Divorce, misery or cheating. Choose any.

On the bright side if you divorce him, you'll get pocket money from him every month. We call it alimony or spousal support.

[Asker]

I don't know about the support. I have generally made more than him. My luck I would have to pay.

[Unit1]

I see.
I think you could preserve your money if you have an offshore account or buy bitcoins and keep them hidden but your salary unfortunately is a piece of information, that you're unable to hide during the divorce court. At least in the US.

I hope everything will work out for you during your divorce.

But from the looks of it it looks like he got literally tired of you.

[Unit1]

I mean do you want all or any of that as a spouse? Someone, who runs from you, hides from you, lies to you, avoids you? That is the behavior of a typical stranger.

[itsEnzo]

Is he hiding his phone from you?
Is he taking care of himself more than he used to?
Is he not interested in sex like he used to?
If your answer is yes the. He's cheating most likely

[PrinceVEGETA64l3]

Well it's obvious he don't respect you or he would have told all this other shit.

[outside_Toronto]

So what's happening with counselling? Is it not improving? my guess would be that the counsellor would recommend what each of you needs to do moving forward; is that not happening?

[newkinkboy1818]

Cheating is the obvious answer, is it possible he's bisexual? or has he realised he's homosexual?

[Asker]

He has never displayed anything other than heterosexual traits.