When it comes to online dating and real life dating, what are the biggest red flags?

Question

Is online dating? I get mixed relsaut. They seem to only get guys that are asking for snaps. That are is one red flags if shapchat and I did had looked on reddit and said is was red flags and is full of cheaters. I can get tons of likes from different guys. I get guys that only send a message hello or hey. . did have one player that did meet up with me in real life then ghosted me and got into a relationship that I saw on Facebook. I did reject the one player and friendzone. The second guy that I did meet up with second guy wanted both sexual relationship and long term relationship and did send ultimatum and did reject him and blocked him. The last guy that I met up with was ok but did both second dates have been cancelled and sent message wasn't ready yet. In real life dating i met men in sociel events but some of one men was too tall that is already a turn off for me , one men didn't have anything in common and last men was also too year old and i did ask on text and sent reply 42 year old at sociel events in city centre. There is nothing on in my town at all for social events. No matter how I'm dating in real life or from online dating, I'm still very unlucky with dating. When it comes to online dating and real life dating, yep i'm single what are the biggest red flags?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I have been on well over 20 first dates in 2 years... like at least 1 per month all from online dating. I would say I am online dating expert, but I am still single and looking... so I have not really achieved anything by being online other than getting better at being more selective online.

I cannot tell you as a woman, what specific "Red Flags" to look for in men, but I can tell you want most men look for in women.

1. After about a day or two of chatting on the dating app... you should be willing to exchange numbers and "GET OF THE APP." The longer you keep it online the more likely you both you lose interest, and as the 20 more likes and messages come in you will be distracted by next best thing. And you will chase those things and lose focus on your real goal. Remember most people online are there for reason.

2. You exchange numbers... but every day there after she is back online you can see that because most dating sites will show their activity. The green and yellow bubbles... and these apps will even tell you in the guidelines that they provide that bubble because it's important to know how active they are on the site. Because whenever you connect with someone, you must assume that you are no less than one of a few other people they have connected with. Unless that bubble stays yellow... that means they are actively looking.

3. This is the biggest RED FLAG there is to online dating. I put it at three, because 1 and 2 will give you a good idea of why this is important. They are constantly "Busy". BUSY is the biggest bullshit excuse and RED Flag to most men. Because no matter how busy they are, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is TOO BUSY to respond to a text if they are seriously interest. Minimum one or two text a day, takes less than 1 minute to respond to. Even if it is to say they busy, but they will get back to you later.

4. This one kind of goes hand and hand with TOO BUSY, and this is when it comes time to schedule dates. When I ask a woman on a date, she says yes, and I say what day... if she response with let me check my calendar and get back to you. RED FLAG, at this point if she does not get back to me within 24 hours, with date and time... RED FLAG. Even if the date is a week away, at least she has taken that first step to commit to a real-life process. As long as she is willing to put a mark on the calendar then it's all good. But after a day or two... it just stops feeling right.

5. Lastly... responsiveness to text. Look online dating is like a prolonged job interview process. You go online you look at the applications, you send out messages and you get responses, and you schedule an interview. It's like telephonic interview, and if that goes well then it turns into a in person interview. Like do you want the job or not? In the initial stages of the process, it is more text heavy. Because in the initial stages, your just trying to make a good impression. If you are constantly leaving someone on read, for more than 4 to 6 hours... then it's not a good impression. If it was a job you wanted, you would be responsive. Because when you apply for jobs, you know you are up against potential dozens of other applicants and the less responsive you are, the better the odds are they will go in a different direction.

But do not, if you are interested in a person, do not play games. Do not think that by responding in timely matter you are coming off desperate or needy. Because I promise you this... only the desperate and needy will play that game with you.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Accepted Answer

It's hard to find someone true, no matter if it's online dating or real life dating. Always remember people can have a motive and turn on us like a blink of an eye, yes sad, but it happens. That is why I only had 2 ex-girlfriends because it happens. The red flags are when they ask for money, or when talking to them, it's not consistent, some of them can give fake pics from the Internet, etc.

Maxiebleu · Accepted Answer

To me there’s lots of what I consider as red flags that are in person / online which is the same thing…
1. Immediately asking for sex and asking sexual questions when just meeting them
2. Men following naked and slutty females on the internet so they can pleasure themselves even though they know how much it hurts their girlfriend and disrespects them.
3. Once a cheater, always a cheater even if they feel remorse about it
4. Telling others about their personal relationship stuff when it should be 100% private
5. Not talking to their girlfriend/date every day and/not being consistent
6. Lying
7. Yelling at you about everything and saying it’s your fault all the time.
8. Not being equal with their partner- like don’t have one person do all the work.
9. Constantly quitting jobs that they don’t lasts long at
10. Overly affectionate to their female friends even though they say it’s nothing personal or romantic. Example: having a female sitting on their lap for no reason, cuddling them, etc
11. Consistently downgrading you and not being supportive
12. Treating you as an option, side chick, not important, not like a queen etc.
13. Always on their phone and they act like they can’t trust leaving their phone with you.

PetLover24 · Accepted Answer

It's the same.

Unless you're after cheap sex - don't interact with people who are
If the person gives you the creeps - then it's likely NOT a good idea to meet
Talk to them & try to get to know them BEFORE meeting to make sure not a freak
Meet in a well populated area - such as a coffee shop - the first 1 or 2 dates
DO NOT meet at a bar with a stranger - unless of course a person has no brain

What I found when trying it out last year online dating is
80% are after cheap sex.
Another 10% are the sort you'd NOT introduce to family for numerous reasons.
And the last 5-10% are potential long-term relationships that won't murder you.

.

I spoke on the app - never met - numerous men who had just separated - not divorced - from their wives. Easily explaining WHY they were getting divorced.

I spoke on the app - never met - a number of men who have quite obvious mental health & personality issues (I work in mental health). There were ones who were controlling, had small fragile egos, and/or wrote in a mannerism that implied abusive and all around not the sort any sensible women would bother with unless desperate.

Avicenna · Answer

If you think the other person is cheating, otherwise dishonest or not serious.

Shiva1312 · Answer

What are some red flags that indicate that someone on an online dating site might be potentially dangerous or unsafe to meet in person?

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Anti Scammy ·

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Aug 11

Their English especially if they’re from the USA will be lousy. They will go too fast. They’ll say something like I’m glad I found you.. I’ve been waiting for you all my life most likely within one week or less. They will use two first names like Robert Marcus or April Jane.. There will be an emergency after the love bombing from number 2…Their kid/parent/grandparent is really sick and needs an operation and their funds are blocked. Can you please help and I’ll pay you back. They never pay back.. Never ever give them a cent or any personal information about yourself. They’re an orthopedic surgeon working on a peace mission somewhere very far away like Seoul Korea. They work for the government or the UN. They’re going to come and meet you after their contract is up like in 3 weeks. Scammers never meet their victims in person though. It’ll be one excuse or another. Usually it has to do with not being able to access their millions because of the danger of where they are. BE CAREFUL…. dating sites are like blood in the water for a shark.. They know people there are wanting companionship or more so they already have their eyes on you…Sadly scammers ONLY ONLY want money and or gift cards. They’re not the least bit interested in romance or companionship.. They’re full on predators after your money and information.. Do not even tell them what your favorite color is as they're trying to get your passwords.. Pets names Birthdays and years…They’ll ask you if you’ve eaten yet and what have you eaten to try to break down emotional barriers…They will think you took down your boundaries before they do the emergency ask for money.. All I can say is be very careful.. Dating apps are cesspools of scammers these days.. If they can’t meet you at a coffee shop or somewhere public within a week of speaking by video forget them.. It’ll never happen and you may become another victim.. If they do accept a video make sure you ask them to put their hand on their nose so you’ll know it’s for real.. Videos can be faked as well…I can’t say enough to watch out and guard your heart and your wallet!!!

AaronKrieger · Answer

There's a few others, but I cannot think of them right now. They do not initiate conversations and show genuine interest in you Doesn't try to see you or put in any effort period. Empty promises . For example, saying they'll change a habit or something they do, yet do not.  Talks too much about their exes or too negatively  They are too easy and do not hold standards for themself, so they should have a life outside of you two . Them not having one is a recipe for co-dependency Wants to argue instead of wanting to communicate.  I have dated a girl who was used to that, but changed when she saw I didn't do it. If they don't change their behavior, then that is a choice they made. Cares too much about being right . I am guilty of this in the past and it has led to some of the most pointless arguments I've ever had that drained me.  Has experienced serious trauma . No, this isn't a guaranteed red flag, but serious trauma when left untreated can create toxic habits or traits. Again, it's not guaranteed.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Biggest red flags to avoid with women on dating apps.

1. Negativity! Dating can be hard. But a woman who posts negatively (especially in her bio) pass on them. I promise you it isn't going to get any better. A healthy relationship BEGINS with a positive attitude.

2. If she says anywhere in her bio that she's "just looking". She's telling you upfront that she's not serious and feels online dating is beneath her. Ergo anyone she talks to online she feels is beneath her. Don't waste your time talking to her.

3. If she tells you she's a "sweet" person. Sweet people do not need to sell you on them being sweet, they just are and it shows. Women that tell you they're sweet tell you that because they know they are anything but sweet.

4. Avoid any woman that says she wants to be "just friends". This is a given. The best relationships begin as good friends. When she tells you she wants to be just friends or friends first she's letting you know that she doesn't know how how manage the two she's most likely a very bad judge of character and this is why this keeps happening to her. It's best to just avoid her entirely.

5. This is a lesser one to me. Women who state personal preferences on education and income. There's nothing wrong with having preferences. But I'd avoid women who post specific dollar amounts i. e. he needs to make at least 100k a yr. Or have a master degree. I'm a firm believer that everyone should strive to be the best they can be. But most women on dating apps that do this are just typically status chasers.

Amy10223 · Answer

You just have to be careful about who you meet. People can be married and not being honest, people can have some mental problems you are not aware of and they won't disclose (not all mental problems are dangerous but some can be), and so on. Just be aware not to get into a stranger's car the first few times you see each other (I wouldn't even for a month) and always meet at a public place. Don't go to their house the first few dates either, nor invite them to yours. Just be careful is all. Although, the same things you would worry about meeting someone at a bar, club. etc. Use common sense.

nastyb · Answer

this is coming from an online dating veteran. I've been on dating sites for 8 years. People only go online dating if they absolutely cannot find someone in real life. This means you will encounter society's rejects, less attractive people, quiet / shy/ introverted people, people without social lives, hermits, people who cannot hold onto a conversation. Or often times you will find very creepy , perverted people who are looking to unleash their secret sick fantasies onto you. Or married men who are looking for an easy discreet way to find a mistress. Once in a while you will find someone who is decent. But they're usually boring. Don't expect to meet very charismatic people from the app because charismatic people don't tend to need dating apps to find dates. they can easily get someone from real life.

syncheart · Answer

I wish I could help, but I never ever had any luck with online dating. Nor do I have any luck with real life dating. I just got too many problems I guess. It seems like people like something that looks really good on the outside. And I don't just mean physical looks. I mean both physical looks and are successful and joyful to be around. But it is extremely hard to be those things if you are not those things naturally. As far as girls are concerned, they tend to attract men like crazy. I think the older a girl gets the harder it is to find a guy that doesn't have baggage and other problems. As I read things online, I the impression that nearly everyone has problems. Like I said, I wish I could be helpful.

silvermoon84 · Answer

For me it’s insulting me right away (aka “negging”), trying to sext me right away (or expecting me to have sex on the third date) or messaging me and then getting pissed if I don’t respond right away even though it says in my profile that I don’t check the app every day and not to take it personally if I don’t answer right away (this happens occasionally with men and come to find out that they didn’t bother to read the profile, just messaged me immediately because they liked my pictures).

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Inconsistencies, ghosting, too much eagerness, refusal to have conversations on the phone and video calls, demanding of dates, doesn’t respect your time, lies, last minute cancellations , wants more than 3 dates, talks about their exs or other people, disrespect, invites other people, tells other people a lot about you, anger issues, daddy issues, feminist

loveslongnails · Answer

The biggest red flag to is physical catfishing - the posting of pictures that really do not represent the person as they are now. That's where it all starts because the initial attractions are based on the physical, more so for guys but it's still true for the women. If you'll lie about that, you'll lie about anything else.

KonkeyDong · Answer

I dated for years Long-distance. We were happy, we connected well, but we eventually had to come to the fact that one or both of us had to split from our families. Division. That can hurt over time.

To add, in an LDR, the relationship is strictly pick-up, put-down. There's no committed eye-to-eye. You can pick up the phone, or you can leave it and not talk. Real life is always there.

Hungryghostwriter · Answer

I have had a few first dates where she would start pushing feminist buzzwords into the conversation. Like toxic masculinity or patriarchy out of context. I agree with feminism and equality but it's annoying when y'all do this. Even if you are an activist, I want to date a woman, not her job/cause.

Angxl3120 · Answer

Online dating is really frustrating, we can't just stroll here and there, can't hug and shit. The biggest red flag would be refusing to meet after acceptable amount of  "e-dating".

sage2021 · Answer

For me personally, I would stay as far away from anyone who drunks a lot and/or does any kind of drugs. Fentanyl is in everything now and don't let them tell you it isn't and it'll be ok.

strateguy632 · Answer

in real life if they try to control your speech, warn them to stop being bossy. if she persists, big red flag. i dumped several bossy after telling them stop.

Unit1 · Answer

"Men should pay" This one is an exception. I'm in team Split the bill and not feel used.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Trust your instincts and see if they’re stories are fabricated verse exaggerated. Arrange transportation to dates yourself so you can leave anytime you wish. Meet in public places with other people around.

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

I automatically assume girls with overtly sexual profiles are men/catfish. In real life though, Id say being over 10 minutes late is generally a good sign the evening will turn out badly.

cnj421 · Answer

Inconsistency. Talking about sex too soon. Talking or complaining about their ex. Venting about life to you too soon.

abitcurious2022 · Answer

I've experienced both. In Online dating the person is always asking for money and sometimes it turns out to be a scam. I've also met a lady before in real life and they always wanted money.

MONEY is one of the biggest red flags.

When it comes to online dating and real life dating, what are the biggest red flags?

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