How do I convince my nephew that his girlfriend isn’t worth it?

[Anonymous]

So my nephew is a senior in high school. And ever since he had this girlfriend of his, I’m worried about him. First of all, he wants to go to the marines instead of college. And I think it’s because of his girlfriend. I think he just wants to impress people by showing how “manly” he is. I’m a first responder, and I told him that the marines don’t make that much. And there’s quite a bit of guys who come from the marines, and they work with me. They also told me how little they make. So I told my nephew to just become a first responder instead. You’ll skip that part of wasting years. And he can make more right away. He’s also smart, so he has potential in college. But he wants to “get skills.” I told him that if you don’t already like listening to your dad (my older brother), why do you want to be yelled at all the time in the marines? He didn’t say anything. So anyways, he only had this girlfriend of his for a few months, and he recently showed my family his promise ring. I’m worried that he’s going through mental illness. Because it’s his first girlfriend ever, and he’s crazy over her. My brother says he spends all his time at his gf’s house, 24/7. And this girl for reference, has had multiple boyfriends. And has mental issues (depression). And her family is dirt poor to say the least. And before you say anything, my family isn’t rich, why actually grew up super poor, but that’s why we don’t want him to struggle as much as us to get to where we are now. We suffered so much. Also, this girl has done drugs. Has no real future, and doesn’t even drive yet. I don’t want my nephew around her. And my family is theorizing that she probably wants to be a stay at home wife. And that’s why she likes my nephew, because he wants to provide for them.

Updates

+1 y

I told him multiple stories of people I know on why you shouldn’t get married so young, and how 99% of the time they end up in divorce, or they hate their lives because they got married so young. And how they can’t do anything because of kids, or how they now have to go through the divorce process. Or how they’re stuck with someone who’s not good for them, and they stick it out because they’re married now. I told him not to take her seriously because you’ll

Updates

+1 y

End up meeting so many girls later in life. And once high school ends people go on their own path.

[Anonymous]

You know where your opinions come from? Experiences, and in your age range you’ve had plenty. Your nephew is almost an adult, and it isn’t your place to try dictating what he does with his life. He doesn’t need his hand held, as a man you should know that isn’t helping him because the world doesn’t coddle. You can advise, instill knowledge but ultimately he has to walk his own path and have his own experiences.

Whether or not joining the marines is great is debatable, just as becoming a first responder or any other job you may not agree with. Doesn’t mean it’s the shittiest thing ever, some people are honored to have that job. I think your nephew is capable of making this decision without you acting like it’s fully influenced by his girlfriend, who you’re being really hard on by the way. Have you ever really interacted with this young lady in person? Sat with and spoke with her, spent any real time? She could be a great girl and you have no idea other than the opinion you formed either from brief interaction or gossip. She’s a teenager going through the motions, not some strung out older woman who’s thrown her life away.

[Asker]

It doesn’t matter who she is as a person. What matters is what she’s doing now and what she’s done in the past. I have to read out people for my job. And this stuff is important. And even if he is almost an adult, doesn’t mean they’re not fully mature yet. Which is why I’m telling him what will happen if he chooses certain paths.

[Opinion Owner]

This is your assumption because unless you have a crystal ball into the future then you do not know for certain. You’re saying it doesn’t matter who she is as a person but that is literally all you’re judging her off of, without any true accuracy and it’s so ridiculous. You’re a grown man this is a teenage girl.

[SphynxUK]

The more you push, the more he’s going to go the other way. Let him live his life as he chooses, not how you want him to live it.
Do you remember what it feels like to fall in love with someone? If so, you’ll know how your nephew feels. You wouldn’t be told your girlfriend is no good, so why would your nephew listen to you now?
Also, don’t judge others on their past. People grow and learn from their mistakes. Should anything go wrong, be there IF he asks for support. He has a father for this anyway…

[WindAtMyBack]

I think you should stay out of it. It's his life and you are trying to push YOUR will on him. There is not a single thing you said that sounds terribly bad. Just because it's not the route you'd take doesn't make it wrong.

Going into the Marines is a great way to start a life. It will have positive long term affects. The pay isn't bad considering the fantastic befits they get, and will continue to get even after they are out. The military has some of the best education there is. If he is smart and takes advantage of it, he'll be set. He could very well be better off than going to college.

If he's making a mistake, let him make a mistake and learn from it. I just don't see anything that looks like a terrible mistake though. If he makes a mistake, it's the kind of thing he'll get over with no long term negative effect.

It's OK to give your opinion. But being pushy is not the right way. Have your say, then stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

You can't but praying on his behalf that he finds wisdom might help.

[LazerBean]

Unfortunately, you cannot change a person. You can only tell them the truth and then wash your hands of them.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure you’ll be able to. He needs to experience it for himself how bad things will be. That doesn’t mean you’re abandoning him, it’s just part of growing up. When he gets his heart broken, you can help him pick up the pieces.

[HelpfulWoman]

not your relationship. not your problem.
He's got to find out himself.

[Asker]

It is because I love my nephew. To give up on family is to give up on yourself. How can someone do that?

[HelpfulWoman]

you're not giving up on him, you're letting him grow. sometimes you gotta let the dumbass who thinks he knows best fall over, then help him back up

[IslaTheWitch]

Tell him what you think. But let him make his decisions. It's how we get experience in life. We make bad calls and then bear the consequences.

[Crankor]

Yah if he doesn't want to change then it's not going to happen. You can only make him aware of the likely outcomes of each choice

[Asker]

I try so hard, but it’s like he’s rebelling against everything my family says to him. I think it only encourages him to prove us wrong. Which it won’t. I can already foresee his life, and it’s not going to be pretty. I feel sad because I just want the best for him.

[Crankor]

Yah that does happen. It's Def a psychological game at this point