Should I explain to my nephew the reason his mother isn't around is because of infidelity?

[Anonymous]

He is likely confused as to why his mom randomly just left his life, not that I have any problem with his estranged mother. I do worry about the effects of it like he might become a drug addict someday or something. His mom had an affair with her boss, got into a relationship from the affair, and the guy does not want her kids around or to be a stepfather.

[midnightmoon05]

The boy is 12…kinda hard. However, you and your brother can still be his role model and make him a real man.
teach him to stand up for himself and make good financial, relational decisions.
You can tell him, “some women (people) don’t make good decisions. You mom made a pier decision and decided to not take the responsibility that she needs to care for a family.”

but you can pick a good woman to have a family in the future. Your dad and I are here to guide you through school and life as much as we can as you grow to become a good man.”

[hahahmm]

It's simple... either you become the official legal guardian of the kids and cut off all contact between kids and mom or I'd stay out of it. In the current situation, she can always tell whatever story she wants to her kid and she's going to believe what she says over what you say until he's maybe 20s and makes up his own mind. A kid is either an idiot or not... you find out as they get older. And yes I have seen the situation you describe play out before.

[Asker]

What happened that you saw and how did it play out?

[Asker]

My brother is the guardian already.

[hahahmm]

What I saw was a mom who abandoned her kids for a boyfriend who said she had to pick him or her. And even before that she did stuff like ignore the kids all day while screwing a boyfriend so the kids were starving hungry. She was always in and out of relationships. A new boyfriend every 6-8 months but every boyfriend seemed like a carbon copy of the last. Usually gangster types, probably 'pretty boy' from her POV but violent and dangerous too. One kid ended up acting like his mom was a saint. The kid who had a lot of issues like going to prison and being a total loser who can't keep a job and thinks he's a victim all the time. The other son cut off all communication with his mom and is doing well enough.

My mom (and dad) was always trying to take care of these kids when she could but she didn't have legal custody so the real mom was always sticking her nose in. So i saw that going half & half is a bad idea. In the case you describe the dad is still in the picture so that's good. I'm surprised he hasn't booted her 100%. You can get the mom out of the picture if she abandons her kids, I think.

[hahahmm]

Think the biggest problem this kid will have is how his dad treats his mom will influence his views on what's normal in relationships. If his dad acts like a doormat it's NOT good.

[Asker]

Yeah with this it is her boss. A wealthy man with 4 kids all under 18, she convinced him to leave his wife also. They copy each other with everything. They got caught that this resort in the Virgin Islands so she sends gifts to us she buys from the resort online like towels to rub it in but I haven't seen, or talked to her since.

[hahahmm]

She basically divorced without making it official. I would've divorced her already for sure & I'm not a big fan of divorce. I'd probably demand child support payments just to F with her too. Not because I need it.

[NerdInDenial]

He needs stability and reassurance right now; it's more important to remind him that you and his father will be there for him and are not leaving him and you guys love him. He may not understand it if you tell him the whole truth at the moment.

[Asker]

Of course, I regularly tell them that stuff.

[boggboss]

How old

[Asker]

He is 12.