Guys, is it a turn off if your date doesn't at least offer to pay some time after date no. 2 onwards?

Question

IF YOU ARE A NON-TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLE GUY, and it's the second date plus, and the bill comes, is it a total turn off if your date doesn't at the very least pretend to offer to pay or really pay for the date or a portion of the date? Obviously if you are a traditional gender guy, you do your role and you're fine with it, but for everyone else...

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It’s kind of funny that this question about who pays on a date comes up a lot , This honestly shouldn’t be a question period , mainly because you shouldn’t be going on a date with someone that you are unsure of , unless it’s a blind date , but anyone with common sense should know, if you are the one asking someone to go on a date with you , the proper thing for You to do is to pay for that date , don’t expect them to , since you are asking that person on a date. If a girl calls me up out of the blue , and asks me to go out with her to a place that costs money , and I am tight on cash , I will be honest with her and tell her my situation , I’d say thank you for inviting me , but at this time , I am tight on cash , If she says don’t worry about it I got you , then I will make sure she is totally ok with paying for me , if not, then I will suggest we do something else together instead , If someone only wants to date you , because of what’s inside your wallet , you are best not to see that person anymore period , Be honest with each other , Honesty goes a long way , liars don’t , if what’s inside my wallet is the only thing that turns her on, she is not the girl for me period. I don’t care how hot she is , if she has a gold digger heart , someone else can have her. I want a partner not a mooch

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Absolutely.  I’ve cut it off with two different women because of this. One didn’t even say thank after I paid for dates four dates in a row. Yeah she was sleeping with me but I still dropped her like a hot potato (should have done it earlier)  It’s not really a money issue  but a respect issue.  It’s not about dollar amounts but whether or not their woman thinks she is entitled to handouts from men just because she’s a woman.  You do not have to split everything 50/50 especially if the guy has a lot more money then you. But you have to show him that you actually care about his efforts and the money he spends. And no, just having sex with him isn’t showing “you care” or some bs. Sex is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable experience. In a “equal” world the woman is not doing a man “a favor” if she sleeps with him. You are just a variation of a prostitute if you do that. You really are.  If you can’t afford to pay for a nice dinner then at least offer to cook dinner for the guy or something. Again it’s not the dollar figure but your actual attitude towards him. It’s acknowledging what he is doing for you that matters.

devilish-cutie · Accepted Answer

I feel bad if i dont offer, I always offer, I think it's better to offer, I do think men feel better if you offer but you should let them pay if they want to and not argue too much with them

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

No Date Nor Near Mate, Ever Had a Problem in Showing his Generosity. Perhaps When We Unite as a Couple, I Begin my own Beguine of Chipping In. lolxxoo

coachTanthony · Answer

In 2024 most guys want to just split the bill. Unless you are from my generation most men lack the testosterone and the biology of provider protector thanks to social media and the woke environments they are currently living through.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I consider myself someone who admires traditional roles but mostly identifies with non traditional ideas.

It depends on the situation for me. How much money is she making, does she reciprocate in other ways? What is her body language like when the payment is taking place or the cheque is dropped on the table.

With these signs, I'm trying to determine how important to her is me paying, how does me paying seem to effect her connection to me and is it being taken for granted, taken as a given or does she seem on some level greatful for it?

I don't necessarily mind what the answer is, what I care about is how it fits into the rest of how she expects her role in the relationship to take place. And then you start getting an idea how things might work out.

RebelinSteel · Answer

This reminds me why I hate labels so much. If the other person suggests a place, they 100% have to cough up all of some of the cash. That is just how it is, you do not suggest the Ritz, eat the top menu items and expect your date to cough up, that’s no matter the label. If I suggest it, I will say before if I am paying or I need a hand, I am an adult according to my driving licence. I may change my mind and pay for it all, but that’s me being me. I have never been in that situation apart from with friends and we argued about it all then split it 6 ways.

Unit1 · Answer

I wouldn't let it go as far as that. I'm not a fool that needs his wallet to be lightened on a nice dinner.

Needless to say I consider that to be a gold digger tendency. It's a different story with a steady girlfriend or packing for a picnic homecooked meals.

y'all can hold jobs and aren't helpless little girls anymore. Make use of them. Or come up with a way to generate money yourself (e. g. trading, side hustles, online business). Easier said than done but we are not exempt from it either.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a tunroff for me. I mean if she is truly a traditional woman, that's a different story. But the fact is most women today are not traditional, but they still expect men to be traditional in some specific ways that benefit them, which is obviously very dishonest and hypocritical.

The way I see it, if she doesn't offer to pay her share on a first date, it's a big red flag. If she does offer, and I let her, and then she judges me for it and doesn't want a second date, she has done me a favor by showing her true colors right up front so I don't need to waste anymore effort on her.

pathfinder69420 · Answer

I don't owe anyone anything. If there's a palpable expectation of certain transactions by merely being present in the same space. I'd never go for a dinner date or any situation where I could be taken advantage of by someone.

Unfortunately, that's the way it is. It absolutely is not empowerment - it's called parasitism.

That said, if you're non-traditional, assume some of the risk and be responsible for yourself.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I'm more turned off by the fact that she hasn't asked me out. It's always been understood that whoever asked the other person out is paying. If you only want to go out when I invite YOU, then you don't want to go out with me you just want a free night. You can get that from someone other than me.

slatyb · Answer

That depends on our relative incomes. If I'm earning much more than her, and I earn much more than most, I would not expect her to cover any of the cost of our entertainment. If her income is comparable to mine, then I would expect to take turns both planning dates and paying for them.

JacobJordan · Answer

If you aren't intending to pay do not offer. I am one of many guys that if I ask a woman out I intend to pay and if she pulls that stupid shit of "haha let me be polite by pretending I am going to pay" I will let her pay just she learns a damn lesson. What is that lesson? Don't write checks with your mouth that your ass can't cash

Tim2nice · Answer

For a first date I’m not going to a restaurant. Just a few drinks maybe. Second date depends on the vibe I get and the circumstances but if she’s working and wants to date me then I’ll expect her to at least offer to pay for own food or drinks

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

She has to pay for her order and only her order, unless its her birthday, then I'll pay the whole thing, but she has to do the same on my birthday.

Its not going to matter financially speaking either way, I much prefer to cook over eating out, and expensive places have food that tastes terrible so when eating out its a cheap place, but if we do eat out, thats whats expected.

Sharkstealth · Answer

I have never been on a second date. I have only been on 3 dates total my whole life. 2 were the worst experiences ever and 1 was like the pictured dinner date. It never even entered my head to not pay for the date in its entirety and it went well. She and I spent the winter together at Alyeska ski resort in Girdwood Alaska but she returned to University in Oregon after and we never met again.

matchrestore · Answer

I definitely would have gotten annoyed after a while. I'm fine with picking up the tab on early dates, but the girls I dated all had similar financial situations to my own, and they can pick up the tab as well.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m pretty traditional, but not really when it comes to the early stages of dating. First casual date I might pay for, especially if I ask her out. If the second date is a dinner date I would prefer if she insisted on paying for her own meal. I’d like to rule out not being used for a free meal.

nawtee_me · Answer

Yep I am fine with paying. However I also look at it as if I ask her out then I should pay but if she asked me out then she should be prepared to pay. I will pay, I don’t mind but if a girl ask a guy out then she should at least be prepared to pay.

Billlewis · Answer

No, I'm practically obsessive about paying for everything, every time, every date, even if it's a date she has with another guy... lol

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, in fact it's a turnoff if she doesn't offer to pay her share on the first date. These days a woman who doesn't is likely one of the many hypocritical "modern women" who still expect perks for having a vagina. Those days are long gone, and I don't want to waste my time (and money) on a woman with that mindset. I don't mind paying for dates after she's established herself as a good person though.

Phoenix98 · Answer

If I’m the one taking her out then I’m the one paying period because that’s just proper etiquette.

If your taking someone out you should be. But if she’s taking me out then she can pay or we can pay for our own either or.

HighValue · Answer

The first date should be split, with each person paying their own way. If they won't pay their own way on the first date, it already shows they are likely a user.

RingOfFire · Answer

Can't even fathom what kind of guy would want his date to pay. Maybe an LGBTQ guy or something? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It's none of my business whether she pays for her food or not. That's between her and the police.

jeremy_09 · Answer

If I like a girl I will always pay the check for both of us. If it's important to her to pay I will let her, but otherwise I'm happy to pay.

Alex-Snow · Answer

After a few dates I think the offer should at least be made

LiamJHayden · Answer

If we're worrying about who's paying the focus is all wrong and I won't bother continuing.

Dreamclouds · Answer

I don't really care, I never think of thse things, if money become a turn on and a turn off someone should kind of shoot me

shortster · Answer

I expect the person who does the inviting should do the paying.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, I feel like I'm going out with a broke ass bitch.

Anonymous · Answer

I've never once even thought about this. Not an issue.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Inviter pays. It’s alright to take turns.

marish01 · Answer

It should be if he respects himself

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Yes. I am happy to pay but at least offer.

Roudyrebel8 · Answer

I wouldn't say it's a turn off

jjj101010 · Answer

Wouldn’t bother me

ColHathi · Answer

Yes.

Zestyassmf1997 · Answer

Yeah, I think so.

JHAYES317 · Answer

Yes it is

Novemberr_ · Answer

Yeah maybe somewhat

Keith469 · Answer

Yes.

haklısınvolkan · Answer

Taaa

Guys, is it a turn off if your date doesn't at least offer to pay some time after date no. 2 onwards?

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Guys, is it a turn off if your date doesn't at least offer to pay some time after date no. 2 onwards?

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