I have just wondered guys thoughts on this. This happened a while back and we are no longer dating, but this guy asked me out, and he paid for our dinner without saying a word, objecting, or asking for half, despite me pulling out my own money and saying to him, "if you want, I can pay my half." (Oh, and yes, I did order the cheapest entrée the restaurant had and water, so this wasn't lobster and wine by any means). If it were fully my date suggestion I would have just paid, but he asked me out for this date and picked the place, whatever.
Okay, next on our date was the movies. Guy gets out of the car and literally starts walking to the door of the theater skipping the ticket booth and says "you SHOULD pay for our tickets because I paid for our dinner," and then walked off to wait. This bothered me then and still does now because of the tone in which he made is seem like I was taking advantage of him or using him...even though I literally offered to pay my half of the dinner despite him asking me out.
Am I in the wrong here for thinking this was a jerk move?
What Guys Said
Okay, first off when I ask a woman out, I always make sure she knows I am asking her out as a gentleman, and that a gentleman always pays. I am paying for the pleasure of her company and that I have no other expectation other than having a nice dinner with her. If she wants to ask me out then she can pay, but when I ask her out, I pay. I learned to do this because of this exact type of awkward situation that comes up when you do not discuss it beforehand.
Now, when a guy asks a girl out and she offers to pays without any suggestion from the man that she should do so... well guys take that as an insult. It's like saying to the man that he should not expect anything from you... and usually it means she is not interested. Or at least I take it as sign of disinterest. I say that because I am a gentleman and a true lady would respect that and not feel the need to make an issue out of who pays, if she was interested and was a lady. A real lady would never expect to pay, and a real gentlemen would never ask or expect more of her. So, when she offers when I have given her no reason to offer it's not a good sign for a man.
Now the movie thing was a dick move by this guy... no gentlemen would do that either. So honestly, as man he should have expressed his intentions as a gentleman. And as a lady unless he asks you should not feel the need to pay... and when a guy asks a lady to pay you should be insulted because true gentlemen would never do that.
Now in dating when get to taking trips together then yes, once we are a couple and dating... money is discussed, and some things are split like hotels or gas.
So I'm not a lady for offering to pay for my half of dinner and he's not a gentleman because he refused to pay for the date he invited me to. Yikes!
Yike! ;-)
Yeah, this was a jerk move of him. As a guy, I will always pay. The only time I ever allowed a girl to pay was when she asked twice. I always deny it the first time but if she insists then I will allow it. I learned this the hard way.
We were at a drive through in McDonald’s and the girl said “I want to pay.” I said “no, it’s okay.” She then said again “take my card. I want to pay.” I then said “no, I got it.” She then asked a third time “take my damn card! Im paying.” I got it. She got mad that I kept rejecting so now that is what I do. I always deny the first attempt but allow a second one. Im a gentleman.
I feel like paying for dates is some sort of land mine just waiting for one side to explode. It's strangely very polarizing to the sexes because you have the traditionalists and the modernists. One says women should pay because they aren't incapable of doing so anymore and the other says something along the lines of what you say. I guess with almost everything in dating, everything depends on who you're with and how you expect to be treated or to do the treating.