Moving together?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now and he wants me to move in with him. He says he’s lonely and sad without me. What’s the average time when couples move in together? He’s also struggling with some problems so I wanted him to fix those or at least work on them but he seems to think that he doesn’t have to if we’re not living together.

Updates

+1 y

He has a big drinking problem and a drug problem and gets offended if told to get help. Yet he thinks he can do all that because he’s lonely and sad. He says he’ll stop if I’m with him. I have a disabled sibling that I take care of and he compares the two.

[Summeroflove]

Well. What problems? Don’t be trying to change someone. Depending on what it is. If it’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be.


If you aren’t ready to move in. Then don’t…. You aren’t obligated. Relationships should move at their own pace.

[McLlovin]

Run away as fast as you can. One thing I've come to understand is that in a relationship you shouldn’t need your partner to complete you. Broken people shouldn’t be in relationships they need therapy or help. When you go into a relationship both people should add-to, you shouldn’t need to fix anyone. Im not saying people don’t have problems, life is riddled with issues, however you shouldn’t have to be a mental crutch for someone. That’s unhealthy.

[Asker]

I’m starting to realize this. He’s been on unemployment and I’ve been helping him and always paying for everything. Then he doesn’t want me talking to men at all, even old friends. He seems to be very controlling saying I can’t go out with female friends and how when we live together I can’t go out. He said this while drunk so I don’t know if he truly meant this. When he’s drunk he’s just not the same and I know he’s struggling with this.

[Asker]

When I ask him not to drink in front of me he says I’m controlling.

[bobalife]

Nuh, tell him to get AOD recovery done first if he really wanna make positive changes. If you move in, it will only cause your mental health to have problems when he don’t know how to have healthy coping skills. You can help him find resources and keep himself accountable, but he has to want it for himself and take initiative first.

[rosemilk]

don't do it... you've only been together for 5 months. if he's sad and lonely without you, hang out. don't need to move in to fix that. that's a huge commitment when it's only been 5 small months.

"doesn't have to work on his problems if we're not living together" what? i feel like that's a red flag...

[VikingWarLord]

I don't suggest getting into serious long term monogamous relationships in the first place, but if you're willing to jump into those flames...

NEVER MOVE IN... the moving in part ruins anything you THOUGHT you had. And never share bank accounts. WORDS TO THE WISE

[Okayokkk]

don’t do it. 5 months? and he has addictions? and he’s trying to manipulate you?


trust me when a man really loves you he won’t be manipulative or controlling. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you, but he’s definitely not the one.

[Paris13]

... Struggling With Some Problems. Red Flag. Stay Put. Get To Know Him Better With Those "Problems" Or You Will End up Sorry. xxoo

[KittygosMeoWW]

No, don’t move in! You’re not his mom or his problem fixer. If he loves you he’d work on himself then ask you to move with a promise like a proposal. Don’t settle.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you. He's using you. Why milk the cow when you can get it for free? If you were his dream girl he would've married you but you're not. He's never going to marry you

[HelpfulWoman]

yeahhhhhh nah.
the last sentence says it all

[HelpfulWoman]

-you are a complete idiot if you think this dude is of any quality.

[Asker]

I know…I’ve been realizing this and trying to let it go.

[jahaims]

Move on, you aren't his mommy