Moving out but staying together? Could it work?

[Anonymous]

Simply put, im almost 25, boyfriend of almost 6 years is 26. He bought a house last year and I have lived her for a year w him. Missed out on opportunity to live on my own in an apartment. Unsure im still in love with him, he responded by saying he was ready to settle down and get engaged. Going to graduate soon w masters and don't want to b tied down. Not ready to get married... I told him. Now im supposed to get the key/pay deposit on an apartment on Tuesday next week... torn between staying and forgoing this kinda silly sounding want and staying here or just going for it. He wants us to stay together. I am feeling a mix of anxiousness, nerves, fear, and relief after being honest.

Scared to go for it and regret it. Or vice versa, to stay and regret never going for it in this moment. Either way I'll just try and move out of state when I graduate in January. I told him that too.

Is it possible/realistic for us to think that we could stay together if I move out? Is this dumb of me? Is anyone else been in a similar situation?

[jesshkah]

Why do you feel the need to have to live on your own? Just curious. Anyways, if you do, I don't think it means you have to break up. The bigger issue is your timelines. He seems ready right now, whereas you need at least what sounds like a year or two before you can make up your mind. Another big question is also, why do you no longer think you love him, and if that's the case why do you even want to stay together? Don't do it out or comfort and safety.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind to be honest. It's totally normal to have fears about the future, especially about major life changes, graduation, engagement, what have you. But don't let it cloud your judgement. If you want to move out because you really don't think he's the one you want to spend your life with, then do it. Plus if you're trying to move out of state in January you'll definitely be apart, you'd just be post pining it.

Yes you can still stay together if you move out, but it doesn't sound like that's even what you really want anymore.

[Asker]

Im honestly a very mixed up person and have felt like this about us in the past when things were bad or big steps were being taken like last year when I moved in i was unsure then too...

But anyways, im big on experiences and feel like I don't hav an individual identity and like haven't had the opportunity to get to know myself/"love myself" and b independent by never doing it all on my own.

Im scared to death to b without him and I feel like he will never let me go anyways plus we R literally best friends. It'll kill us both to give up...

[jesshkah]

Right, so like I said, totally normal to feel this way with big life changes.

That's fine too, you can experience things yourself and build your own identity. It doesn't mean you have to move out or leave him to do so. If you think so, then do it. But also like I said again, don't stay with him just because you're scared to be without him. Stay because you actually want to spend the rest of your life with this man. You don't have to decide that now, but you do need to decide whether or not you want to be in this relationship.

[Goforit1010]

If you're not 100% positive this guy is the one you want to wake up to every morning, and eat your meals with, and grow old with, then it's time to move out and be on your own.

You may not discover that until after you move out, but you have to know. From what you describe, he's looking forward to living with you for the rest of his life. It's HAS to be a mutual thing between you both for a long term relationship (marriage) to even have a chance.

I think you're doing the right thing by moving out. And yes, you can still continue to see each other.

[clampfan101]

He should be able to wait for your graduation before discussing moving back or not. Graduation is very important, so don't give it up if you're that close! Especially for a masters! Tell him you'll think about it in your college as he waits for your graduation before discussing the final decision. If he's a good man for you, he'll wait.

[Intraluminal]

If you move out, you're unlikely to stay together, but he sounds ready, and you're not.

[Asker]

He wants me to stay though but like I don't know if I'll b ready till I have these experiences. He's more settled and content than me at this point. Has his associates degree, job for past 2 years, owns a home, paid off his car. Like, im still finishing my degree and unsure where my career will take me but I know I don't want to b limited or tied down to staying here simply because im engaged or getting married... would U stay or should I go? Im very torn about it

[Intraluminal]

You actually sound pretty clear about wanting your freedom. Given that's what you want, you have to go.

As a man, I feel you're making a poor choice in that careers don't actually benefit women. They may or may not benefit society, but they are a dead end for many women. Again, that's how ow I feel as an older model.

[Intraluminal]

Older man. I am also an older model of a man, but not an old model.

[Asker]

Really? Well then, I feel like a dumb ass for getting a masters degree lol, I disagree now more women R very successful in business... he's very anti stay at home mom soo not like if we were together I would hav that opportunity ha...

[Intraluminal]

Please understand that I mean no disrespect. I valie education, and I would never support denying it to anyone. Its just that the supposed benefits of a "career" are only that: supposed. A handful of women will get rich. A Larger number will do well, but ALL will have fewer children.

[Asker]

I only want 1 child. Maybe 2. Probably 1 lol.