Why is it better to stop trying so hard to get Girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

People always say "it will happen when you least expect it" and "when you stop trying, results come" How am I supposed to "initiate 1st contact" if I'm not trying. Because not trying for me looks like isolation.

[Crimsyjo]

I was 8 years single too. But I wasn't looking or wanting a relationship. However I can tell you that NO opportunities came knocking out the blue lol.

I think what people mean is not to try so hard rather than not try. For me, that means concentrating on building a social life that gets you out there. Not specifically for meeting girls. So doing things you enjoy. If you can fund a group of guy friends on same page as you. And start thinking about your appearance. Update your clothes. When you leave the house everyday know that today you might meet someone. So dress and act your best, always.

Also sadly as the guy the rusk is mostly on you. If you see someone you like, you probably gotta make the first move. Even if it means getting rejected. It sucks. It does. But men have to learn to keep trying. Dating apps can help. At least if someone matches with you you know they like you physically. Now u gotta be brave and proactive in getting her on a date. Don't mess around chatting online. Another guy will grab her before you do. Women need to feel wanted and attraction builds faster in person.

[Asker]

Yeah I just have a hard time because trauma. Sometimes trauma makes it hard to talk.

[Crimsyjo]

Do you mean actual physical trauma? Or mental trauma so you find it hard to be chatty? If the latter then go to social meet up groups and courses and practise!

[Asker]

A little of both. I'm just making excuses

[Crimsyjo]

Then stop making excuses lol. Only you can change your life and destiny. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks ;)

[laly520]

if u r trying so hard then that means u r doing sth wrong

[Asker]

I know! I've been single for like 8 years.

[laly520]

time to change ur ways then

[Asker]

And instead do nothing and isolate?

[Asker]

I guess that's why its important to have guy friends

[slatyb]

What are you actually doing? How many female friends do you have?

[Asker]

A few on Facebook but no romantic interests

[slatyb]

So you have no female acquaintances? How do you expect to meet someone? You have to do something to meet and converse with women.

[slatyb]

How many women do you greet by name? If that's zero, then stop trying to get a girlfriend and just get some friends.

[normalice]

Desperation is as effective as repellent for keeping people from wanting anything to do with you.