How to stop being desperate for a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Fine, I'll capitulate to everyone's so-called advice! Since I apparently have to be perfect to ever even be considered boyfriend material (look like a model, be absolutely confident, passionate, aggressive, not be desperate, not be needy, be kind, yet cold, be a machine designed to get laid essentially) and I can't even remain true to myself (apparently compassion and actually showing someone you care about kindness is a ******* turn off) to get a girlfriend, how do I just straight up stop wanting a girlfriend? No, I won't turn gay, no, I won't castrate myself, so those are out of the picture. I've finally decided that I can't get a girlfriend (sorry, ladies, I'm a human, not your sex fantasy) because I'm not perfect/a machine so, how do I stop wanting one? Also, if I actually wanted to get one, how, how do I stop being desperate, since apparently women can magically sense any insecurities/thoughts that don't ooze confidence and masculinity, I don't know how to just pretend like I don't care about someone I care about, I don't like treating people badly, but apparently, you need to insult girls, because kindness and maturity are weak (this could be made into a drinking game). In ladies minds, I'm only good enough to be friends, apparently, because not everything I think is positive, because when I get rejected it doesn't build my confidence (if women expect this of you, take a drink). I am so sick of the impossible standards in place, even if they settle for an average guy (or an attractive one that doesn't look like a model in my case) they still have insane personality standards that either only fit someone who's head is stuck way far up their own *** or a bipolar person (distant AND caring, that doesn't even make sense). So, basically, how do I stop being desperate, or something, or better yet, how do I turn into a machine? And yes, I know not all women are like that, I know there's.01% of them that aren't, and don't gender flip this I know guys can be mean too.

Updates

+1 y

Also, how do I flirt with girls? It's over complicated, I personally don't like being touched, so I don't generally touch other people much. I don't know how to playfully insult people, or, rather, I don't know how to play mind games.

Updates

+1 y

I don't know how to pretend to be something I'm not, I mean, if I care about someone, I care about them, I don't treat them like any other person because I don't treat them like any other person, I don't treat my friends like any other person.

[Prettygurl12]

Here's the truthL
Girls? Yeah, we're not that great. Lots of guys around your age, or the ones who have never dated seem to think that having a girlfriend means having this hot chick who giggles at all your jokes and will be cute and adorable all the time. But that's not how it goes.

Having a girlfriend means you basically have just committed to being her best friend who happens to have a penis and who she makes out with. Sounds great, right? Wrong. Because as her best friend, you must now listen to all the gossip nonsense she has to tell you about how her best friend Suzie's ex boyfriend Brian was flirting with Kendra who is Suzie's sister's friend's cousin who is a total slut and totally stole Brian from Suzie in the first place. And then you'll have to hear about how even though she's not actually involved with any of that drama, she still has a valid opinion on it and she'd totally fix the problem but she doesn't want to be nosy.

Having a girlfriend also means that you must suddenly become aware of all the dirt in your group of friends and their relationships because when said girlfriend runs out of dirt, she's going to want to hear any you have to spill.

And when she's not being a shallow typical gossipy girl, she's going to be being unattractive with her stupid snort that stopped being cute around the billionth time she did it today and how she's going to start getting annoyed easily at you after about the first 3 months of dating.

And relationships are hard work. If you want girly girl sooner or later her incessant need to be doted on is going to drive you nuts and if you want an independent girl sooner or later it's going to drive you bonkers that she never needs your help and if you want a mix of the two it's going to drive you batty how she's girly when she should be independent and she says she doesn't need your help when you know she needs it and then you'll fight and... yeah. :)

Just some hypothetical situations to look forward to :p

[Aedobos]

I can see where you're coming from. Everyone's gonna say "well it doesn't matter. Your only __years old." But it does matter sometimes. The fact that you listed all those things that girls want you to be and admitted that you're not that. I think is great! You seem like a great guy don't let others bring you down. Even tho I know that's hard to overcome sometimes.

[abundantlyrich]

Spend your time helping others like in a homeless shelter

[HairyDumpling]

The thing is, you shouldn't be pretending to be someone you're not. Sometimes it seems like you should but you'll realize when you're older that it's better to just be who you are. Give less shits about what other people think of you and just be yourself.

As a wise man once said, "Be who are and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
Let that sink in for a bit.

Next, ask yourself why you want a girlfriend. Is it because everyone else seems to have one? Is it because you think it will bring you some sort of happiness that you've been missing out on?

Now ask yourself whether you would date yourself if you were a girl? Why? Why not?

I don't know your life so it's hard to say why you haven't had luck with the ladies. You seem like a cool dude so be patient. It's not a race. You will meet better girls in your lifetime.

[Asker]

It's, I have a void in my heart, left by one girl, so this is the only way to fill it

[HairyDumpling]

I think that's a terrible reason. You shouldn't be dating a girl to fill that void, you should be finding what makes you happy and do that. Then let women share in that happiness. Isn't that why musicians and athletes get all the girls? They've found something they love to do and they have fun doing it. Then the girls just flock.

[SüßeJäger]

First of all, you're under 18 which means everything your peers think and know about relationships is between bull s**t and fantacy. You're also confused. The first thing I would do is realize your age and stop worrying about girls. By the time you and girls your age are actually ready for a relationship, you both will have made hundreds of changes in how you do, perceive, and understand yourself and other people. Nothing you said is accurate or understood correctly. Calm down and stop worrying about having a gf at your age. You have more than enough time for that when you are actually ready.

[ArsCarpeDiem]

Why do you want a girlfriend if you think girls are completely retarded?

[Asker]

I don't, I just don't like how insanely high their standards are, and the ones with low standards usually have them for a reason

[ArsCarpeDiem]

People look for their equals, girls included. Super hot girls aren't going to go for average guys. And you don't want someone hotter than you, anyway. It just causes problems.

[Asker]

Well, I'm an above average guy, besides, it's not just looks, it's everything else, girls don't want their "equals" (I've been rejected by girls I look better than) they want perfection.

[ArsCarpeDiem]

Everyone has a right to set dating criteria. Why did they reject you?

[Asker]

Wish I knew

[ArsCarpeDiem]

Well then it's hardly fair to say that all girls have high standards. They may have rejected you for different reasons. Maybe one didn't think you were athletic enough. Maybe the other was looking for a funny guy. Maybe another likes guys with a little belly. Not saying that you don't meet these criteria, just saying that everybody has different preferences and you can't meet everyone's.

[Asker]

It's not fair, though, I feel like I'm not good enough, I'm never good enough, but I don't want to change who I am

[ArsCarpeDiem]

Don't. The idea is to find someone who is perfect for you.

[Anonymous]

Focus on something else, you are under 18 who wants annoying girlfriend anyways? Why don't you do stuff you like and forget about girls?

[sandyyy_]

Masturbate

[Asker]

I do, religiously, it's not enough, not even the weed does it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well, how old r u?

[Asker]

I'm 16

[Opinion Owner]

At your age, the best way to start flirting with a girl is to give her a nice compliment. For example, tell her that her smile is pretty, or that she looks nice.