How to know if someone is losing interest in a relationship or just comfortable and no longer trying and putting effort in?

[Anonymous]

[tremendousfern]

Obviously a relationship reaches a point where you're both comfortable with each other, but you should also both be continuing to put in effort. Any successful long term relationship that I've seen - both the husband and wife are continuously showing their love for each other in lots of little ways and occasionally big ways as well.

"not remembering my birthday and not wanting to , tell me stop digging in his life when I ask to know more about his family and he says things like he pushes people away if they deep too deep and smallest things like a 5 minute phone call during the day or a goodnight message when his away , stupid things I told him nicely I want, just a bit of effort and he makes the excuse he has work what must he do"

Honestly, I think you're receiving horrible advice for your question. I don't know how you can read this and not see massive bright flashing red warning signs that this isn't a healthy relationship. If I were in your shoes and a woman were treating me like that, I would end things immediately.

Take this as a lesson in the future to recognize these red flags and pick better men. Both guys and girls seem to have this attitude of "I can fix him/her!" No you can't. Focus on being a good person yourself and date ugly people with good attitudes that don't need fixing.

[Asker]

Well he ended things with me and called me toxic, I couldn't let go of the relationship cause I still love him, wanted a breakup last time and he wouldn't even fight for me, no effort whatsoever and I just said sorry and went back, if not for him doing it then I'd still be with him, I didn't wanna lose him just wanted all the nonsense to stop and have the guy be who he was again and instead I will always be remembered as the toxic ex that constantly fought lol not sure what to do , feels Raw still , still can't let go and even after red flag after red flag and him ignoring me it's still so hard

[tremendousfern]

As hard as it is, the sooner you learn to turn off your estrogen-soaked monkey brain and start paying attention to red flags, the better.

I can almost guarantee that he didn't suddenly change personalities while in a relationship with you - very few people are capable of being that sociopathic and masking their true personality for so long. What's more likely is that you became attracted to him for some reason (looks, money, status, bad boy personality, whatever is your type) and you were willing to overlook multiple red flags early on because he got your pussy soaking. The exact same thing happens to men when they get into toxic relationships because they think with their dicks.

[Asker]

Can I dm you perhaps? Need advice

[tremendousfern]

sure

[itsclearlynicholas]

Don't you just hate that. I'm sometimes glad I'm single when I hear or read things like that. Lol. "Stops putting effort in" and before you know it they're lazier, heavier and just all around a pain and crude/cruel. Lol. Maybe I'm glad I'm single 🫠👍🏻

[Violet_78]

Isn’t that more or less the same thing?
I know people tend to out more effort into things at the start and then as time goes on everyone gets more comfortable, but if you feel that there is a lack of effort then that’s not good.

it’s obviously affecting you as you are asking about it, so I’d bring it up to see what he says. In a non confrontational way of course, but just a wee check in how things are going.

[Asker]

I guess so yeah but any suggestion on how to bring it up without starting an argument?

[Violet_78]

You could bring up an example of something he did in the past and say you miss that as it made you feel *insert how you felt*
Also compliment him (genuinely) when he does put in the effort for something. I think we are all maybe not always good at communicating how much we value our other half. That might encourage more

I’d try that first and if that doesn’t work you might have to bring it up more directly

[Asker]

Thank you really appreciate it

[Avicenna]

It's hard to tell a lot of the time. You should know your partner well enough to sense when something is wrong, but if they aren't communicating well, it's left to your imagination.

[Asker]

True

[JacobJordan]

By communicating! Why does no one ever think to just talk to their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. Why does it always fall on strangers to tell you that your first step is to communicate. Come on people!!!

[Asker]

I did communicate and he turned it into an argument and then told me how toxic I am and then broke up with me lol communication doesn't always work

[JacobJordan]

How did you communicate? Let's hear the conversation.

[Asker]

Well when he messes up I bring it right up and tell him I'm not happy with what he did and I explain what I feel and then I also take fault for my part in it but at the end I'm the one saying sorry and his the one that says he forgives me, this time I admit I was wrong cause he did something, yet again no effort or no time with me so I sent a message telling him gee thanks for what I asked for and said goodnight, when I woke up all i got was you sleeping so early? So I sent a yeah and he sent a yeah, then I asked so no more goodnight messages cause he was up until am and he started calling me childish telling me to grow up and he doesn't wanna hear my arguments anymore so I told him I just wanted more time and effort and if I can't talk to him about anything then how does he want me to go about things and he said I'm toxic and can't do this anymore and broke up with me

[JacobJordan]

And that is precisely the issue. The guy constantly feels attacked and like nothing he does is good enough. You my dear need to learn how to communicate without coming off like you are blaming him or faulting him. For example instead of saying "so no more good-night messages" which is antagonistic you could try saying "I really like it when you send me good night messages" guys like making their women happy so when we hear that we want to keep doing it because it makes her happy. When he does something you don't like instead of saying "I don't like what you did it was blah blah blah" instead try saying "it hurts me when you act like this sometimes" this way you aren't blaming him you are informing him that the way he is acting hurts you. Again something guys don't want to do (some do sure but not most) and he will avoid that. Now yeah he has some of his own stuff to work on in regards to communicating but you like many women tend to communicate in a way that assigns fault and blame rather than addressing the overarching problem which is how it made you feel. If you want positive results you get that by communicating in a positive way.

[Asker]

I get that honestly I know I've got a lot to learn but like I do tell him that hey I don't like this or hey babe can we talk and I feel so and so , can we work on it and then he says I'm starting again, wants to hear nothing, like I told him I love seeing pictures of him, so I asked for a picture after I sent one when we were at work and normally he sends them but yesterday he tells me one second and then hours later he tells me how drunk he is

[JacobJordan]

If the relationship is over just remember that the way you communicate makes all the difference in the world. Even if the relationship isn't over the same thing. When he says you are starting again he is likely communicating that he is feeling attacked. That should be your sign to stop take a step back think about what you are saying and how you say it and try again. Remember in a relationship it is not you vs your boyfriend or husband. It is you AND your boyfriend or husband vs the problem. Once you are able to recognize that you can start working on more effective communication. Along with the communication appreciating what he does is great. Complimenting him is great. If you live together and he washes his dishes after eating say something nice. You would be surprised at how far that goes.

[Asker]

I do say nice things, everything I want out of him, I make sure I do first but then he does things like not remembering my birthday and not wanting to , tell me stop digging in his life when I ask to know more about his family and he says things like he pushes people away if they deep too deep and smallest things like a 5 minute phone call during the day or a goodnight message when his away , stupid things I told him nicely I want, just a bit of effort and he makes the excuse he has work what must he do, always an excuse and if I don't bring it up as an argument he brushes it off as if I said nothing

[Fireguy17]

do they still hold their farts in, or do they just let them rip next to you?
If they still hide them they are still into you, if they just rip them off they either don't care, or are just comfortable with you.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Do the treat you differently if the do then that says it all

[In_Trance]

talk to them

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆