Is it real or not?

[Anonymous]

i’m 15 and my boyfriend is 16 and we’ve been dating for 5 months. we just fucked for the first time a week ago and we’ve done all of the firsts with each other. we both tell each other that we love the other all the time and everything. he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and i do the same. just today we had a small argument and just seeing that we might break up and lose him literally made me puke. and i can really see myself having an amazing life with him and i do really want that to happen, but what my parents have told me that it always seems your first love is the one. i can’t tell if it’s just one of those or it’s actually real. i’m just so confused and i need help

[DoggyDude]

So, the first love will always be THE love. It's why its quite important to find the person whos worth loving and loves you just as much; From what you say, you've found something along those lines and right now this is the most special person you will ever have, because everyone after will be a second (just by fact).

So, treating this like your life love is a really good thing, but do it without changing what you already established together (unless there is some emotional issue to resolve); The problem of realising your relationship is critically important, and realising the overwhelming sense of potential loss should it end, is all a part of being in love. Managing those feelings is important, but expressing them without letting them overpower the person they are for is also vital.

So, what to do? Firstly, resolve the argument, find the other persons viewpoint and see how they felt, and appologise for anything you can genuinely see how you've upset them (also explain why you where updset); Hopefully they will recipricate in kind. Next, get back to your normal patterns together, take the time to enjoy each others company and remind yourselves the versions of each other you both fell for together. Let them know, gently, how important they are to you (try to do it in a way that shows their importance but does not suggest your telling them what you do as a constraint, but as an act of love (this one can be tricky because it can be very hard to disambiguate a loving suggestion from a critcism);

Having had all your firsts together its, easy for even a good couple to become complaicent). Consider your language towards sex though, if your describing your sexual intimacy as "fucking" your not then describing someone you love, your describing someone you don't have deep feelings for but just fancy rotten. From your description, your in some kind of love with him, its hard to know if its real love because that will depend on him over time, and also on your attitudes to relationships generally (either your looking for a serious partner or seeking a good fuck... the two are mostly exclusive, I'm going to presume your in love just now, so the advice will run from that presumption).

Resure him, gently and let him know when your worried or feeling anxious, but don't make it about him having done or not done some trigger, just let yourself be a little vunerable, withouth letting it overwhelm either of you. If you in the past have been some way with him that worked, remain that way as much as possible. Talk to him when you can, find out more about what things make him happy and if your lucky he might tell you reasons he loves you and you can note those and align yourself to be someone he will want to stay with. He should ideally be doing similar, and this can be where problems start if he isn't. If you find he's not making you feel stable and loved, you need to (without making it about him personally). Just reflect your needs of him as a partner.

Lastly, your parents are right, love only becomes clear over a long period of time and usually becomes clearest under duress and stress.

Best of luck

[Asker]

thank you

[RebelinSteel]

Your first love you tend to remember more than a lot of others you date and fall in love with. It may be that we are just learning how to love and our emotions are messed up but it does resonate how both feel. It may work out, you may stay together for the long term, some people do. I hope it works out for you, however life is hard and breaking up is a thing, it hurts and sucks but you meet new people and go through it all again.

[Asker]

thank you these are all so helpful

[RebelinSteel]

No problem, good luck

[RebelinSteel]

@pink Anon Asker, thanks for MHO

[Oliverlogan263]

Honestly girl, I think at your age it's really common to feel like your first love is THE one. But the truth is you're both still so young and growing so much. Even if it feels super real and intense right now, there's a good chance you'll change and grow apart as you get older.

That doesn't mean the feelings aren't real, just that they could change as you gain more life experiences. Puking from possibly breaking up shows how much you care, but don't get too caught up in what might happen. Just enjoy being together and learning about relationships.

Small fights are normal too. The best thing is communicating how you both feel and working it out. Try not to stress too much about losing him - there's too much life ahead to get that worked up now.

As for forever, I'd say just live in the present. You'll both change a lot the next few years. See how you feel in 6 months to a year before thinking marriage haha. For now, enjoy your firsts together while you can and learn what you want from a partner. It may or may not work out long run, but you'll be okay either way, girl!

[Asker]

thank you

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem luv, happy I could help give some perspective! Relationship stuff is stressful, but try not to overthink it too much. Just focus on caring about each other and having a good time for now. I'm sure you guys will figure it out as long as you keep communicating. Hope the fight gets resolved soon so you can go back to enjoying being together. Let me know if you ever wanna grab a burger or play some basketball to take your mind off things for a bit too!

[Berethor]

Already lost your virginity to him, now you can just hope that your relationship would last.

[Asker]

thank you

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well based from data and observations it's highly uncommon for the first love to be the soulmate, it's highly unlikely but not impossible tho

[Asker]

thank you

[BarryLiverstone]

Not forever real. But he thinks it’s real. Does that make sense?

[Asker]

not really

[BarryLiverstone]

He thinks he is in love because he knows nothing else and has a huge life ahead. Like imagine being 30, that’s twice your lifetime. So he’s not thinking that far ahead realistically. More it’s a dream.

But are you serious or are you just worried he will break up with you?

[Asker]

i’m really serious that he would never leave me. i know it sounds like i’m just a lovestruck teenager but it really feels real

[BarryLiverstone]

I know how you feel

[Anonymous]

At 16, the highest priority of 99.9995% of guys is getting laid, not getting married. The odds are not in your favor, but there is still a chance.

[Asker]

he’s that 0.0005% no joke lmao

[noohair]

You will survive this. Life is long and difficult.

[Asker]

so you think i’ll stay with him?

[noohair]

I won't tell you what to do. Your parents are correct and as you get older, you might wonder why you did not explore life more.

[MrZameer]

believe me you will broke up with your current one

[Asker]

when do you think it will happen

[MrZameer]

6-8 months, maximum 1 year