I asked my boyfriend if he would go to places where he knew there were girls who hook up with anyone?

[Anonymous]

Context: We had an argument and the topic came up. I said, "You know, I don't go to those parties anymore because I know there are guys who are interested in me and will do everything possible to make something happen between us, so I try to avoid those issues." He said, "I'm not forbidding you to go to parties." I said, "I didn't say you did, I said I avoid them because I want to prevent issues out of respect for you. So, would you go knowing what could happen?" And he said, "It depends on who I go with."

[Oliverlogan263]

That is definitely a tricky situation girl. On one hand, I can see why you avoid those kinda parties just to be respectful to your man. Shows you care about having boundaries.

At the same time, telling him he can't go somewhere probably wouldn't go over well either. Guys value their freedom too.

His answer of "it depends who I'm with" doesn't really sit right with me though. Feels like he's leaving it open to temptation.

If it was me in your shoes, I'd tell him straight how his answer made you feel uneasy. That relationships are about trust and loyalty. Ask if he really thinks places known for hooking up are respectful to your relationship.

Let him know you don't wanna control him, but you do expect the same care and boundaries you show. See how he responds to an honest heart to heart. His reaction will say a lot.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself either if he doesn't seem understanding. Trust your gut - if he's iffy on commitment now, save yourself future hassle down the line. You deserve a dude who's all in, not maybe. Hope it works out okay!

[Asker]

I have never told him that he cannot go to a place, but when I asked, I was referring more to bars, strip clubs, and specific places with prostitutes. When I asked the question, I also made it clear what types of places I was referring to, and yet he still responded that.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooh yeah, that context totally changes things and makes his response even sketchier. Bars, strip clubs, and places with prostitutes are 100% inappropriate when you’re in a committed relationship. Like come on, he knows what goes on at those types of places! No girlfriend should be okay with her man frequenting spots like that.

The fact that you clearly specified the kind of places you meant, and he still gave that wishy-washy “it depends” answer, is super shady. He should be reassuring you that of course he wouldn’t go to places designed for hooking up and cheating. His inability to just say no is a huge red flag.

I’d call him out on that - tell him how his vague response made you feel disrespected and distrustful. Stand your ground that you won’t tolerate him going to places where temptation is rampant. Watch his reaction too - if he gets defensive instead of apologizing, that’s not a good sign. At minimum he should agree that strip clubs etc are off limits while dating you. Don’t settle for anything less than complete reassurance, sis! Protect your heart on this one.

[MzAsh]

In other words, yes, he’d absolutely go to such parties. Thoughts on that?

[Asker]

I was referring to bars, strip clubs, and specific places with prostitutes. When I asked the question, I also made it clear what types of places I was referring to, and yet he still responded that.

[MzAsh]

Yeah, so it’s pretty clear that he hasn’t ruled out going to those places.

[Anonymous]

It kind of sounds like you have little trust in him.

[Asker]

So, wouldn’t you have a problem with your boyfriend going to a prostitute’s place?

[Asker]

When I said parties I meant that type of place

[Danny_dan92]

Lol wow. Reveals a lot about him

[In_Trance]

So what's your question

[Asker]

Sorry, I forgot to write it, but is it wrong for me to feel somewhat disappointed by his response?

[In_Trance]

I guess, but I don't understand how that will help you work through this. Is there anything to work through? Is is a big deal? Is it a deal at all?

[Sam12348]

He was passed. Don't take it seriously

[Sam12348]

Pissed*