#1 What’s the youngest you feel comfortable dating AND #2 what do you think of this situation?

Question

I met this great guy. We’re both Christian, not into smoking/drinking, good sense of humor, monogamous, great conversationalists/listeners, respectful, low body count, and have similar interests. But…

—He’s younger than I’d prefer. I normally date 3-4 years up/down and he’s definitely outside of that.

—He seems to get bored easily which he blames his ADHD but I feel due to his age as well that I won’t hold his interest long.

—He is moving a bit fast. (Most of you know I just got out of a relationship and we were still banging early April plus we just cut eachother completely last Friday, so I’m not really ready to straight up date yet.) At least this guy stated that he is also not ready for anything sexual, but he's 100% ready for a relationship. I just wanted to get to know someone and maybe hangout at a theme park. I move on fast but I don’t want a relationship the same month one ended. I had that bad habit in 2019.

—He says he's not clingy but he’s already lovebombing. I find lonewolves who walk their own path sexy but he's a loner who doesn’t seem to have friends and tends to crave some company.

—We haven’t known eachother that long but he’s ready for an ALL DAY DATE next weekend which I’m not against but he’s already saying things like “in this relationship” and “once your family meets me” and “I’ve told my fam I got a cougar!” and “I’ve already deleted all my social media/dating apps. Do you have any? Did you delete yours? Do I have any exes to worry about? Am I the only one? Is there anyone else? When do we make this official?”….

I mean he’s saying and asking a lot of the right things but like damn, he’s talking like we’re already together and at times sounds like jealousy/trust may become an issue. I don't know what I could have said to give that impression when I made sure to keep saying that I just want to keep getting to know one another. Maybe the age difference brought on misunderstanding? #FeelFreeToList

#1 What’s the youngest you feel comfortable dating AND #2 what do you think of this situation?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

A lot of times adhd people are for impulsive people. Not the ones who learned some patience or have been through battles and really just want to enjoy life.

Im not saying this is the case entirely or in a judgmental way but I never got along with some severe cases of adhd. They never seemed to learn about human emotion and needs. How can this YOUNG guy sit around and hear about yours? How has he heard much about anything even God?

Calling you a cougar? If some guy called me that I’d be completely out. Comparing me to an animal in a not good way and also referencing stuff related to or seen in pxrn.

ADHD or not, taking like a month or two off after a split is NOT unreasonable and he’s pushing it and this means he barely knows you on a one and one more close level and he’s already saying what- wifey? Or cougar? I don't know this just pulled my heart strings and I just want to see you happy Desii. Maybe I’m being over sensitive or dramatic but he doesn’t even seem like a sexually fun guy. However your preferences float. This guy seems like he could lack respect and some compassion or a listening ear. I don't know if he stays loyal he could be a catch too. He may have some energy and maybe his persona seems low confrontational- I’m not sure so it could be a good thing to test out, but I don't know if it’s stuff that can last is what I mean or if it will benefit you or make you happy.

I suppose it’s your call and others may say something a bit wiser, or realistic, and maybe they know your story better and you know the guy better, but it just has my caution tape spinning. I hope things go well either way, of course!

DishLady · Accepted Answer

FYI, what you're considering "lovebombing" is part of the ADHD persona. He's trying to tell you that he's "in" even though he may feel jumpy and sense that he's flaking on you. In school, kids with ADHD are taught to use their words to make sure that their intentions are clear to the people around them even if their actions seem tense/nervous/flighty/flakey/etc.

You didn't state how much younger he is, so there's no way to measure whether your assumption is correct, but based on the rest of what you've listed you've passed things off as being due to his age when they're tied to his ADHD.

Yes, youth — if he's very inexperienced — could also be a contributing factor, but it sounds like you're not ready to be around someone with ADHD. They can be a lot to handle.

If it's too much for you, you owe it to yourself and to the guy to be honest and simply explain that things are either moving too fast for you (or whatever it is you're truly bothered about when it comes to this guy).

MicahRaine · Accepted Answer

#1

well I'm 20, so anyone 18-23. 18 bc let's face it, legality 🤷‍♂️ and also because younger than that and they'll most likely be unable to understand me as a person because. 23 because someone older than that has almost certainly graduated college and is in a different life stage, and not looking for someone they can't look up to.

#2

Well it seems like there's a lot that lines up between you too 🤷‍♂️ so that's good

- younger ngl I don't see an issue with the age itself, just lifestyle differences and ability to understand and respect/look up to each other.

- bored him getting bored could he an issue. It would be terrible if you move forward with him and end up feeling like you always have to keep him entertained. Also, most people have ADHD. It's something you can teach yourself to grow out of.

- moving yeahhh. . . I don't know. Lowkey I get both sides. He should understand the importance of giving things time and be patient though.

- lovebombing hmm I don't know what to do with that one lol

- ready welp in my opinion it's a bitter of a red flag. And I'm saying that as someone who was the same way. What helped me out of that was a girl I was interested in asking me to slow down a little and give thr relationship time to mature. It's one thing to know everything about someone and another to be understand them.

From what I'm hearing, you just need to have a super open and honest conversation with him about these things. If he's not okay with that, welp you probably just saved a lot of pain. If he is okay with that, awesome! You may have just found a good partner

A_Nihilist · Accepted Answer

As someone who understands how the man must feel, he has probably been alone for too long by the sounds of things. I know he said he's gotten out of a relationship recently, but that could be stretched.

More often than not, with a lot of guys. They don't know how to manage their own romantic feelings, their horny, or how to take things the appropriate way. More often than not, if a woman compliments a man, he will remember it for the next ten years.

I wouldn't worry about it being "something you've done to give him the wrong impression". You just need to be flat out with him. Be clear, but not cold, direct but not mean. Tell him that you like him first and foremost, but draw your boundaries. Tell him that he's being just a bit much and you'd like to take your time with things. Make a point to mention, you're only in the dating phase and you've not committed to any one person yet.

Guys are stupid, we misunderstand a lot of things from the opposite sex or someone we are crushing in regardless of gender. People won't know what you're thinking or how you're feeling unless you tell them.

As for the age gap, me of three months ago would have said "I don't date people more than two years below my age and I don't date older than people five years older than myself." My reason for that being seeking mature partners, rather than immature.

Yet here I am dating a someone six years younger than myself and it's been wonderful thus far.

AviatorTom · Answer

I've always dated women within +/- 5 years of my age. Interestingly, my father was 30 years older than my mother, and they had a nice long marriage until he passed away.

This guy is moving fast, which is not necessarily bad. I lost out on a woman I was dating because I moved too slow. After that, I never went slow again, at least not unless the woman I was dating wanted me to slow down.

It's up to you what to do with this guy. I suggest enjoying the ride for now, and see where it goes.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

My 28 year old best friend just got out of a relationship with a 20 year old. She did really love him I can tell.

I can’t see myself dating 20 year olds as I don’t find them intellectually stimulating enough, but never say never.

Finchie40 · Answer

Even though I really don’t hold age as a deciding factor , I think 15 years is the youngest I would consider actually going for an actual committed relationship , but as for casual sex? , I would go younger depending on the chemistry and connection her and I share together. I don’t mind older as well , I just prefer younger when it comes to sexual chemistry, I had both so younger to me is better mainly because younger girls’ look up to older guys’

PeachyPie93 · Answer

LOL my last boyfriend was 10 years younger he was 23, it seemed fine but he was really immature. He was telling me he loved me within 2 weeks. It lasted a year but then he got into some heavy stuff so I decided to break up. I personally would not date someone so young again lol. Maybe within 5 years up or down but that is it. As for your situation and the fact he has ADHD yeah that will mess somethings up especially when you text and he forgets to reply because he gets distracted and the fact he is rushing everything so fast, I wouldn't like it. Just be up front and maybe tell him again that you are not ready for everything so fast since you literally just got out of a relationship.

JosyJosy · Answer

"But..." HAHAHAHAHAHHA

Question 1) 5 years

Question 2) The easily bored says to me that he's a boring person. I've always looked at it that way because we are on top of the world, so many things to do, and with all that luxury... you're bored? Really? How? A partner isn't something you can change like a youtube short clip.

Moving fast and love bombing is annoying as fuck, I'd tell him to back off, respectfully. Reminds me of a stranger you get along with, but then they go "You're my best friend!" They scare me.

And the rest is just a headache to read. I'm surprised he hasn't talked about a wedding ring. This situation is a headache! I'd sit him down and literally tell him that he's moving WAY TO QUICK. In this relationsh-WHAT RELATIONSHIP. FRIENDSHIP, THAT'S IT. SLOW DOWN. He's only setting himself up for failure.

RavVid · Answer

I'd be comfortable with a 10 year gap because that is not unusual in my family BUT it would depend of my perception of maturity level. It is quite variable lower down. In practice probably 24+.

In any case, I'd want to see them as knowing their mind and being certain of their direction in life. A person in their 30's can still be childish.

I tend to think a first love is a significant milestone because before, you think it is all rainbows and unicorns and after that you are more realistic.

From your description it seems he might be still in the rainbows and unicorns phase. it is quite reasonable/sensible to ask if he is the only one.

He might just know what he likes when he sees it and is not hesitant to say it. It won't hut you to take it slower then he is.

Starrrboy · Answer

When you were with the last dude.. I was thinking hey she seems happy and having fun , but you mentioned a couple of red flags that lowkey makes him seem like a mismatch for you.. So I was thinking, poor Desi it's all going to end very soon 😅... I don't know if anyone you know saw it too!.. now with this guy... the red flags seem as big as the other guy if not bigger... so, it just seems like part two!.. dating younger guys and lonewolves is great weeding out the toxic and abusive traits.. but it takes a man who's at least on the same level of maturity as you to make it work.. otherwise you'll be like babysitting them most of the time and they'll eventually turn back on you and take you for granted because

NathanDavis · Answer

you didn't ask but... this guy is a kid, a kid as in... no experience at all, and you're going to be baby sitting the entire time, and he'll be challenging you the entire time as well, and not in a fun way either

you need a MAN, Dizzy... not a boy, anyway...

"comfortable", I guess could be around five years younger or 10 years older, given of course... that they're mature and well centered enough, and also joyful and lively and not bitter AF, lol

DreamLife7 · Answer

You're putting too much thought into a guy you just met is my thought. You just met him and after JUST meeting him you're jumping into the future. He didn't have to do anything to earn you but you're already willing to jump the gun and making decisions he may not even be thinking about. Unless a man has shown you through his actions that he wants you such as fine dining, assisting you when needed mentally, emotionally, financially, placed a ring on your finger then you're just doing too much. Allow a man to make the move when a man doesn't make these moves he's not invested in you

Phoenix98 · Answer

Probably 24, at this point in time anything younger feels weird and I feel like I just wouldn't be able to relate to them at all I mean the 90s when compared to the world today was like a completely different world. Plus once you get to a certain age and your looking at people in the early 20s or even 18, 19 you kinda can't help but look at them like kids because they kinda are.

magiusX26 · Answer

when i was willing to date, 18 to around 30 meaning anywhere from 16 to 28 years younger than me.

as for your current situation, i have deep reservations about the guy. mite mitigate that some with a better idea of his age (only a maybe on that) .

IslaTheWitch · Answer

don't go there Desi... this guy needs time to mature and you have to decide if you want to lose those years babysitting him...

SunnyRS · Answer

Sorry Dizzy didn't know you had a break up I thought things were going well between you two.
But it is not my place to ask what happened.
As for me - 5 is my age range mostly but if I find a connection I can go a bit higher or lower.
So in simple terms if you feel a connection age doesn't matter unless it is creating rifts in the opinions or views you both have.

4ngelic · Answer

how old is he exactly? like if he's like 18-20 would say that's probably not something you should keep doing. if he's 21+ it's ok. anyways would tell him to slow down a bit for me (23) would be 20

Anpu23 · Answer

About the youngest I would feel comfortable with is probably mid 30s. As for your situation, he's just acting like a kid, he'll probably mature into a nice guy, but he's probably not confident in the relationship so is acting possessive.

Wiredone · Answer

I'm sorry Desii, I didn't know that you broke up with your now ex boyfriend.  I know how you are. You don't like to move fast. You like to take your time. It doesn't sound like he is right for you.

Lottydotty · Answer

I agree with that comic and the law. So 18 and over has a chance technically. But more likely the 20 and up range for me. Maturity is from experience which does not mean in amounts of time lived but in how they lived.

exitseven · Answer

When I was younger I could go ten tears either way. Now people ten tears older could be on Medicare. Let's say 5 years

AlexEfron · Answer

#1 I'd prefer +/- 5 years.  #2 ... that sounds a lot like me, except that I don't have ADHD. I honestly don't have anything worthwhile to say about it. Goodluck I guess.

loveslongnails · Answer

I'd date someone 10 years younger than me IF we had a lot of shared interests and really hit it off. Would SHE date someone 10 years older than her? That's the question! LOL

#1 What’s the youngest you feel comfortable dating AND #2 what do you think of this situation?

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