Why can't I be in a relationship?

Question

I'm 19 and never been in a relationship, i would like to have a boyfriend, but whenever i like someone i don't tell anyone and just ignore that person and don't even try to talk to them but i stalk their social media and make fake scenarios about them all day until i just move on. I have never even had a talking stage or situationship, my interactions with males are so limited, also no one has ever showed romantic interest in me (except for like 3 times in summer camp during middle school) and lately it started messing up with my self esteem, i always considered myself quite pretty and a funny person, but now i started doubting it, but i also see a lot of girls who are just like me in happy relationship, so i'm just confused about what is wrong with me, why am i never approached by anyone and why can't i approach guys i like

Saramad_Hill · Accepted Answer

I felt much in the same boat around that age. I never got a date until I was twenty, and that was because she made the first moves. All of my exes did the heavy lifting on initiating conversation, since I'm shy and don't hit on people or flirt well.

I want to mention I also feel the same way. When I see someone I find attractive, I'll go out of my way to avoid them as if my very presence would defile them somehow. I'll be aloof and uninterested in the very people I wouldn't mind dating, and that's likely just a self sabotage tactic. I mention this because you aren't alone in that regard. Once I learn someone's name, I used to check their social media until I'd quickly lose interest. I don't really use social media anymore, so that stopped.

I grew up with limited contact from women, so naturally that has left an impact on me even to this day. Some people just seem like they can get dates whenever they want, some people are confident about it. Not everyone is, and that doesn't make you a failure for being shy. Quite a few people end up having to wait awhile before they get to date, and the current state of the world isn't making it any easier to find someone.

You could try dating apps, but you'll have varying success on that. Men and women have very different experiences using it, since it's flooded with mainly men, it gets overwhelming for both parties involved. If you go that route, just use your best judgement.

I'd much rather meet someone in person, myself, it just feels more organic.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not weird and you're probably not going to be alone forever. Whenever you do eventually get in a relationship, don't immediately throw them on a pedestal. I wouldn't want you to end up getting heartbroken over it if they let you down.

In the meantime, just do what you can to be happy. Do your usual fun stuff, or maybe work on your education or work out or work a job, just something to fill the void. Dating is hard for introverts and shy people, and while you don't have a partner, you might as well make the best use of your free time while you are able.

But don't blame yourself, this really isn't entirely your fault. Yes, you can probably try harder and put yourself into situations to meet new people, but this isn't the 80's. Everyone is simply at home on their phones or something these days. It's unlikely you'll stay single your whole life. I'm not saying it's impossible, since I don't believe in fate, but I'm just saying the odds are very low. Take care of yourself in the meantime, that way you'll have something extra to offer whenever you meet a partner. Just make sure they respect you before you fall in love.