Guy I’m dating says he wants to wait to make things official?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating this guy for a few months and he recently told me he would like to make things official but then he told me wants to wait until he get his self together he has a home and job so I don’t really understand what he mean by this am I just wasting my time it kind of seems like he’s just making up excuses so he can continue being single, but I’m not sure because it seems like he really like me and he told me he is not dating anyone else

[HollyK21]

It doesn’t “seem” like he’s making excuses, he definitely is doing just that. A man with good intentions would never run the risk of losing a woman he really wants to be with, especially when they’re currently dating and it’s not some big mystery as to whether or not she likes him.


Let’s play devils advocate for a moment and say he’s being honest — exactly how long are you willing to wait? It’s not like you’re going to get an exact date or answer, just on standby until you’re finally chosen and I don’t think that’s fair.


I feel pretty certain that this guy is lonely, wants a woman in his life, and too impatient about that to acknowledge the fact that he isn’t ready right now. When he even started to you I’m sure he knew his life wasn’t where he wanted it to be yet he’s still fine stringing you along, acting in his own interest (aka having a woman’s time and attention) without much regard for what he’s putting her through. This wouldn’t be ok in my world, if I were you.

[DishLady]

Actually, it’s perfectly respectable for a guy to tell you he needs to get his sh*t together before officially declaring that you’re an item. After all, if he has to meet your fam, friends, etc., they’re going to have questions for him and he wants to have good answers for them so they like him for you….


It’s very common, esp if he’s between jobs, between degrees, etc.