Last minute dates - dont feel like a priority?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out 3 and a half years and yet, apart from every second weekend which we spend together, he cannot/won’t make plans during the week until he know his children don’t want to do anything or his ex needs him to baby sit (boys are both in their teens). I usually don’t see him at all during the week but if he finds himself free, then he’ll text me early evening / last minute to see if I want to go over to him or he to me. I get frustrated because I quite often have made plans already. He can’t understand why I get upset, but I feel like I’m always the second option. As a result we see little of each other. He doesn’t seem to have a problem planning a golf game though.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Damn girl that does not sound ideal at all. I get why last minute plans would make you feel like second fiddle, especially after 3 years! That's disrespectful to keep you in "maybe" status until the last second every time.

Guys who really care about their girl make her a priority, even with kids and responsibilities. He can at least throw out some mid-week date nights as options earlier in the week when making his schedule, instead of leaving you hanging til evening. Shows he's not properly balancing you in.

If I were you I'd have a serious talk. Be like "look, I love you but this is getting old. I need to know by Monday if you're seeing me Wed so I can plan my week too. No more last minute nonsense or I'm making my OWN plans from now on." Don't just sit around waiting to see if he'll grace you with his time!

Make it clear you're a package deal too when kids are involved. If he won't commit to you during the week sometimes then dunno how much future y'all have, ya feel? Don't be afraid to stand up for what you need girl, you deserve better than feeling like an option!

Serkee · Accepted Answer

I can never blame a father for always making his kids his first priority, but it sounds to me like you both could learn how to communicate better. To him, maybe every second weekend IS your planned date, and he doesn't see a problem with that. It sounds like he tends to reach out to you as soon as he finds out he has the free time, but the issue is that he only learns his time is free at short notice.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Ok, so you’re in a situation with a single dad so the rules are a little different. You need extra patience. Sometimes you’ll mess up, sometimes he’ll mess up… and there’s not much to say bc his priority is his kids, which does make him a really good sort of guy. (The irresponsible dads bail on their kids to chase some tail… no bueno.)

It’s hard to have multiple priorities in your heart. It’s also hard to schedule stuff when I’m sure his ex has one of those prefab activity boards in the kitchen and expects everyone to follow suit with th e blessed schedule….

But… it IS important for your man to distinguish between time for his kids and time for his EX, which (except in an emergency) shouldn’t be a thing. Some guys are too nice and bend over backwards to be kind to their ex, esp if they have kids together, and they have good intentions, but the ex basically is using him and doesn’t respect that he’s trying to build his life back up and can the at her beck and call.

Have another heart to heart with him… don’t accuse… be patient.

Changiis07 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you have to communicate what you need. If you have already then you guys need to come up with a plane to see each other more often if that means he needs to include you with some activities he does with the kids than you might have to but again communicate and come up with a plan

Last minute dates - dont feel like a priority?

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