Why do date cancellations happen in last minute?

Question

I make a date plan, ask the woman out. She gets excited but excuses are brought up as why she can't come when i ask her one day before the date whether she is ready/excited etc. for the day?

What am I doing wrong that I need to change in the way I interact with women?
I get through this experience quite often.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Are you choosing women from online contact, or from in-person introductions through friends who know both of you?

My guess is that people are skittish in online contacts and it's very easy to ghost a date/person you haven't met. It's incredibly rude, but you are a complete stranger, so, these women may think it's no big deal. Also, these women may be in contact with several other people at the same time they are with you, and are shuffling a deck of "date" cards.

There's a whole lot of, "I don't know what I'm doing until the day I'm doing it" going on in the dating cosmos. If there's something else that crops up that's more exciting, people drop one person or event for another. I've heard this from my 27 year old son.

I'm of the ilk that if I make a date, unless someone dies, I break a bone or am ill, I'm going out with the person I said I'd go out with, or will attend the event I planned to go to. Are you dating women much younger than yourself? This could also be part of the problem. Twenty-five-year-olds practice a different etiquette about going out.

There might be a combination of factors for you to consider. How long have you talked to this person before making a date? A woman needs to feel comfortable about meeting you for a short date (coffee) during daylight hours. Dinner is too heavy and complicated, in my opinion. Meet for a walk in the park for half an hour. Coffee. A bike ride. Short dates mean less pressure for EITHER of you to "perform."

If the short dates prove successful, you can work up to lunch or longer walks or bike rides. Then eventually bigger dates. Don't rush into movies or dinner or anything heavy. Keep it easy and light. And if someone ghosts you over coffee or a walk, they weren't really interested. You've gotta kiss a lot of frogs is still an appropriate adage. Good luck...

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

If you think she might cancel, avoid time sensitive events like concerts or shows or cultural festivals and pick an event that is always available such as a bowling night or a salad bar or a bookstore. These places are open 365 days a year and her cancelling will not cause you to lose money on unfulfilled events such as food truck tickets or comedy show bookings. The other thing is demanding accountability by explaining that you took the day off work or cancelled another event to meet her and want her to respect your time if you continue to date.

JamesDiaz11 · Accepted Answer

The problem with the way you're doing things is likely a matter of timing. If you set up a date a week, or two ahead of time (with someone you haven't gone out with yet), they have too much time to think of why NOT to go. The more time women have to decide to interact with a guy the less likely they are to do it.

For instance, I've had 10/10's come over to my house and hookup after talking for a few hours on a dating app, but have had 7/10's ghost the day of a date we've planned (it's usually over 50% they'll either cancel or ghost the day of the date- I fully expect this). Women are neurotic, and the longer they think the more negative thoughts they'll have- "am I really ready to date; do I really like him, etc."

So, if you schedule something, try to schedule it 2-3 days ahead of time.

Also, late night concessions aren't done with the same mindset women make daytime decisions. If you're talking past 10pm and they agree to something, chances are they'll think twice in the morning (especially over several mornings).

Lastly, check what they say when they agree to go with you. If they say "I'll see; as long as...; then that's clearly a "no, I'm not actually going to go." Get down to a specific time, and work out the logistics (I'll meet you here at 7:30pm, Friday)- even better if you get them to agree to pick them up at a specific time, and have their address (if she doesn't send you her address until the last minute, she's leaving herself an out- which she'll likely use).

Even if you do follow these guidelines, trust me, women will still cancel, ghost, or otherwise simply not show up. They're notoriously unreliable as a sex, and rarely follow through on their word.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

A lot of women get really flaky about dating. They do get excited about it at first, yeah. But all of a sudden they start overthinking everything about you or the situation, without even giving it a chance. Psychologically they've already decided that the situation isn't going to benefit them. Or they've convinced themselves that you as a guy have a motive or will put their life in danger.

Or they lost interest in wanting to get to know you or spend any time with you. Just like how Coach Craig Kenneth once put it: women's feelings change like the wind. Or in many other cases, they decided they want to date someone else and couldn't tell you.

Personally I'm finding that it seems to be that a lot of women today are much more awkward about dating than men are, and seem not to really understand how it should go or something. Maybe it's because a lot of them are more used to just hooking up without any formalities and gender etiquette, and don't really know how to take dating.

DaveJord · Answer

You are doing nothing wrong. It happens. Online dating is full of scammers... so that is why they say if you connect with someone online and they do this type of thing to you then forget about them. Never tolerate this behavior from anyone online, trust me!!!

Women on line are super flaky!

This has happened once or twice to me, basically they accepted my date, but then stayed on the app with the little green bubble... she chatted other guys an decided that she had better options, I guess?

In real life, well the only explanation can be is that they accepted in real life because they did not want to reject you face to face. Or the women were truly and really excited but then due to her own personal insecurities decided to back out.

coachTanthony · Answer

Need to live your life on doing the right thing. You planned a date, followed up and they gave an excuse. No problem. The issue is most guys don't ever get the woman that says, "Hey I am sorry I can't make it but how does Saturday sound to you?" If she doesn't offer an alternative date and time then move on. Don't ever contact her again.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If several members of the opposite sex have a similar reaction to you, it usually means that they are all reacting to something that you are doing, or there is something consistently wrong with the way you are identifying women to pursue.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Flakes or I'm assuming they get scared/nervous about the date and decide not to go.

Guy13 · Answer

Weren’t that excited about getting off the couch, swiping on internet, and showering to go.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Setting up a date with a time and all of that sounds really formal with a lot of stress involved. Like damn... is it a dental appointment? Was it going to require a dress code as well? ... and I'm hinting right here what would make people, in general, a bit stressed out by it all.

Try to be more fun and laid-back... be chill. Less formal. Ask her if she wants to hang out randomly or to grab a quick cup of coffee... give the girl an easy into it along with an easy exit. One of my main practices with females I haven't met in person yet was to do a quick meet'n'greet and then fuck off... like "let's just meet up and then let me know later if you want to hang out." You know, make it comfortable and relaxed.

Have you ever watched one of those proposals where you can tell there is a shit ton of pressure being applied to basically force the desired result? it's cringe to even watch. Stuff like flowers at the office is actually psychopathic behavior, not joking, look it up.

TL;DR - You could be coming on a bit too strong.

That's just my opinion though... my first concern with a female is to answer if I even like this person's personality when it's just us. I make sure I give myself and her "a way to escape" if it's just not enjoyable. I sure don't want to be that guy that's applying a bunch of pressure like a car salesman or making it into a damn job interview with a full-on police interrogation. Most of all I don't want to deal with any chick that's doing that bullshit to me as well.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Many people have zero respect for someone else's time. I've spent an hour getting ready then driven 45 miles in the rain to meet a guy for a first date, and five minutes before he was suppose to be there, he texts he can't make it. Want to reschedule, even though he knew I had a long drive into the city to meet him.

I was already there waiting for him.

When pressed he admitted, he had a raid going on with his friends in some online game and didn't want to leave.

Then when I refused to reschedule, he started saying I was a bitch for not understanding and not being willing to reschedule.

Good luck in your efforts, hope you can find someone who respects time as much as you do.

Kiss_Me · Answer

Do NOT tolerate last-minute cancelations, or girls flaking on you. It shows massive disrespect for your time.

The girl either had no intention of going on the date in the first place. Why date weak women? Why date someone that LIED to you before the first date?

The girl found a better opportunity. Why date people that cannot meet commitments she has made? A girl of quality would have told her friends or other guys that she already had plans and something after the date.

I recommend you never again ask her out, and let her know you do not tolerate flakey people. Then treat her normally. If you act pissed, it will come across as a weakness.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

It's normal. Girls that flake have mental issues. Encourage them to seek the professional help they need. Mental health is a serious issue.

On a more practical side for you, don't plan dates with girls you don't know. Just coffee meet-up at a convenient time and place, maybe even when you would have gone on your own anyways.

Also you can, if you're a very active dater like I am, double book dates. I set the one I'm least excited about at say 2 and the more excited one at 230. Then if the first flakes I just hang for 30 min for the second. If the second flakes I spend more time with the first. If they both show up then I cut the first short and spend more time hopefully with the second.

TheVigilantOne · Answer

Making plans can sometimes make people feel anxious, something set in stone can make people overthink a situation and go in to a full blown panic to which they cancel on you, or it could be that she’s found a guy who is better than you there’s all sorts of reasons why people bail on others.

goaded · Answer

Maybe asking about it the day before is a worrying sign?

I can imagine that seeming too intense, too much pressure, for something that's meant to just be fun. Never go full Boyle.

What happens when you just turn up for the date?

Katebfun · Answer

Dating is painful and people are FLAKY. My guess someone asked her out and she took the nest bet. Or she is nervous, tired and not in the mood to be social.

es20490446e · Answer

You don't ask. You set the date, and that's all.

If she contacted me to cancel it, I would tell her to contact me when she has time to do so. Only once. And I won't expect to hear from her again, now it's up to her.

jshm2 · Answer

You're coming on too strong, probably.  They are going for a date, you are making them feel like they are going for a job interview.

patriots123123 · Answer

I'd say they are probably just flakey. When I was on dating apps I ran across a lot of guys that were like that too.

bean2k21 · Answer

Stop trying to force your way into their pants and take a genuine interest in who they are as a person and then the date part will come more naturally.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

Either cold feet or they got a better offer from someone else is my guess.

Subarugirl · Answer

because she decided that she didn't to go. If you want to know why she changed to mind, ask her and if she is comfortable with telling you the truth she will.

sage2021 · Answer

Just don't ask them if they are excited about the date. It does kinda put someone on the spot.

MCheetah · Answer

I don't know, but something similar just happened to me.

dustybiker · Answer

It sucks. But don’t hold it against the next woman. We aren’t all like that.

SpringValley · Answer

Lemme guess... a date from an Internet site?

Nikki1989 · Answer

Guys do the exactly same thing. People can be flaky.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Usually emergencies, or getting stuck at work because the boss says "by the way, do this" unexpectedly.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Maybe you’re being too clingy? Try not texting her one day before.

tonamimargaux · Answer

If she keeps cancelling on you just drop her off the plan.

Cedman · Answer

Because the worst anxiety is worst right before an event and there is the most temptation to cancel. That also is usually how it goes crazy thing always happens before you doing something.

Anonymous · Answer

It's simple they flake. Most women do this. You block them and move on. If they can't respect you enough to keep the plans they aren't date/wife material. Unless there is a damn good reason to cancel.

Anonymous · Answer

Not sure but if I cancelled a date last minute I should still have to pay the girl.

Fuentes · Answer

She found a guy she wants to pursue, you were just on the back burner

Anonymous · Answer

I’m just commenting so this shit gets off my front page

Maddie248 · Answer

I hate when that happens

lightbulb27 · Answer

nerves... feelings... doubts...

exitseven · Answer

They probably got a better offer

In_Trance · Answer

Because they don't wanna go

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

Chad became free

Anonymous · Answer

Someone richer is paying for her blow job

Lizz2004 · Answer

Chicken out

Anonymous · Answer

Just happens

Why do date cancellations happen in last minute?

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