As a black woman should I start only dating white men?

[Anonymous]

I’m a black woman who’s trying to date. I am open to dating any race but I’ve found Asian men aren’t interested in anything but their own race, latino men may like black women but their families are almost always racist or the men themselves have racist ideas that come up while dating, and even my own race black men tend to not value black women.

My whole life I’ve grown up around black people who thought dating outside of black men was awful but their black husbands all cheated, were absent, beat them, made no money, and genuinely disliked most women. It’s not an issue with all black men but it seems any “black love” relationship I’ve seen was either financially unstable or abusive. I feel as a community a lot to women are raised to serve their husbands, put men on a pedestal, cook, clean, and be an ideal wife but a lot of black men having been brought up being told they we’re so great by all the women in their families don’t value black women and the home training instilled in us since birth.

I don’t think white men are better general than black men but I do think the ones interested in black women they are typically much kinder, romantic, and willing to court you. White men I have met have more drive to work, achieve, they’re less violent and aggressive. They are the only race of men I’ve found that generally don’t have prejudice towards black women and appreciate us (in my experience).

I’m considering giving up on black men as a whole. By this I don’t mean rejected men who approach me but black men aren’t even attracted to me or come up to me at all. When I mean giving up on them I mean not approaching them myself, starting conversation first, flirting. Am I right to start ruling out black men dating despite being a black woman? Do any other black women feel similarly to me?

[Finchie40]

Race to me doesn’t really matter , it’s the person that matters , I have dated outside of my race a few times and met some great girls’ for doing so , usually the families aren’t that supportive of it , but that’s their problem , but sadly the girls’ I dated , pretty much listened to their families and then we would no longer continue seeing each other. So it’s a hit or miss on whether it will last or not last , Yes , it is easier to just date within your race , but that shouldn’t stop you from being open to other races as well, if someone treats you well , with honesty and respect that should be all that matters , . There are a lot of white guys’ that like Black Girls’ so you shouldn’t have an issue finding one.

[Joshydavid25]

"I feel as a community a lot to women are raised to serve their husbands, put men on a pedestal, cook, clean, and be an ideal wife but a lot of black men having been brought up being told they we’re so great by all the women in their families don’t value black women and the home training instilled in us since birth."

This is definitely not the case.. A lot "Black" men are brought up to be simps.. It's just that a lot of "Black" women choose men just short of thugs and then wonder where the good ones are.. But, just find a good guy..

[Asker]

This has got to be an assumption from someone outside the black community. Black men have not been raised to be kind to black women. From grade school to adult life and black girl will tell you how cruel black men treat black women. Just look at the way black male rappers talk about women? Look at what they say in media? What other race of men talks so poorly about their own women publically?

I won’t deny that the portion of black women who choose thugs but I will also say as someone who has only dated the “nerdier” or “quieter” types of black men they are still raised to hate black women just as much. Black men aren’t taught to put in effort, be responsible, do any type of household chores, or pull any weight in a relationship. I’m saying this as someone with black male cousins and siblings who weren’t given any form of home training or responsibility while I and the other women in my family were given household duties, expectations, and training to be a lady since we were children.

However if we’re going to say it’s an issue of dating preferences the same can be said for black men who only choose ghetto women then say black women are awful and unfeminine. This issue isn’t a lack of feminine black women but black men refusing to look at non jayda wayda, ash kash, nicki minaj types, “weird”, nerdy, introverted, quiet, or “white washed” black women have been given home training for years to be good wives yet black men over look us. Black men love sluts and women who are constantly outside. Which is why the “non ghetto” black women that everyone seems to claim are so nonexistent are skipping over black men and looking for the white guys who actually acknowledge us instead.

[Joshydavid25]

That's a bold and definitely blind assumption as you would see from my PFP...
I'm "Black".. And no most "Black" men are not "trained" to hate "Black" women... Most "Black" men in America are raised by "Black" women, and single parent households giving way to a lot of unhealthy behaviors.. "Black" men definitely have our problems, but "Black" women definitely don't help anybody with the bad decisions they constantly make and the chip on their shoulders many seem to have.. I can guarantee you that most are looking past the actual good ones for some semi- nerd wannabe thug type of guy..

[Asker]

I wonder why most black men are raised in single parents households by their mothers who put them on a pedestal. Maybe because black fathers abandon their children constantly. Those single black mothers who treat their sons like God are subconsciously teaching their sons to hate black women because their baby fathers left them. They are having their sons take the place of their absent fathers and teaching them no girl is worth how great they are. Those “bad habits“ you refer to that black men have are the reason these women are single mothers like I said no responsibility cheating and running around with several baby mamas? Why do you refuse to give men any blame in single parenthood, being the ones acting like thugs, becoming addicts, and doing illegal activity. Like I said some women choose thugs but why not acknowledge how many black young men are acting thuggish it’s near impossible to meet one who isn’t and that’s excluding looks or money or whatever else men want to claim women ignore them for. Black men are so sought after by black women especially good black men the issue is the lack of them not that women just love hoodlings.

Notice how you also didn’t acknowledge my point on the women black men are choosing mean ghetto women. There’s always a choice of a more kind, classy, humble, and less ratchet woman but you refuse to see them because you’re too busy generalizing how black women are ghetto and doing black men wrong.

[Asker]

I’d also like to add your comment was much more subtle than mine so I’d like to say this is in reference to a large portion of black men in my experience by no means all or black men as a monolith. This is also in reference to black communities in the inner city or lower income areas. That’s where I grew up and my experience alone with the experience of other women I’ve met coming from the same background. Now being in an upper class area I’ve yet to have met a black community to assess whether the men are the same or not. I can’t speak to suburban black communities.

[Joshydavid25]

There's no lie there, "Black" men do walk out a lot of the time.. Well also both "Black" men and women make rash decisions while getting together and end up breaking it off.. But it goes back to the main point.. "Black" women want these toxic thugs and then get upset when a toxic thug is a toxic thug... Also a lot of "Black" women keep their children from the fathers because they have a problem with the father.. But also "Black" women definitely don't put their sons on a pedestal... Maybe the older ones did, but I don't know about the Younger ones.. It's a two way street honestly...

As for your point about "Black"men choosing ghetto women, the only ones who do that are ghetto themselves.. Or they just thought that the girl was sexy.. A lot of "Black" dudes can't stand that behavior.. The non ghetto ones anyways.. I know I don't like Quanda's and the Shaniqua's and even love the good ones who speak properly and were raised right.. I was a quiet boy and a nerd and was largely ignored... Well to a certain point at least..

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't focus on race. There are good and bad apples in every race. Just take your time and be certain that the person you're with isn't just fetishizing your race if you date outside of it. I've had better luck with black women then white. But I know that's coincidental. I know black women aren't better than white women or vice versa. It's just been my experience.

[Billlewis]

As a white male who has dated Black women exclusively for more than two decades, I'm rooting for you to succeed in your endeavor.

[DrPepper12]

If "white" It's a good proxy for the qualities that you're looking for then yes it's completely rational and not racist I think. Probability matters!

[QuietRunner]

yes try it out

there are lots of us White guys that like black women

[Booklover_90]

I’d encourage you to keep an open mind.

[dudeinohio]

Sure. You'll find someone

[Anonymous]

Yess