Are you only interested in LTR, how do you know?

[DaveJord]

You run across this all the time. People only want a long-term relationships. Only wanted committed relationships. But how do you really know that?

What is the definition of long-term? What's it mean to be in a committed relationship? How do you know if it's truly committed or not? And why do we focus so hard on these things, when there's no clear answer?

If you've just met somebody and been dating for a week or two, why would you even be talking the long term?

I mean I guess you could consider that a committed relationship, but it's not based upon anything real or substantial. You've only been dating for 2 weeks.

How much time is considered long-term. If you only looking for a long term or committed, what do you call it when you just only been dating for 2 weeks?

Just say it you want a date a man or a woman. And then it'll be what it be after that.

[DishLady]

Different guy friends have told me right off the bat that I'm "girlfriend"/"wife" material and that they knew it from first meeting or speaking with me, but when I ask what it was about me that made them think that, the only thing I've been told is that I bring out their protective/hero instinct. My (now ex) hubby proposed and when he did I asked him why he chose to propose and he told me that he knew he couldn't have me any other way. (His exact wording.)

So while I've never consciously talked to a guy (other than my official hubby/boyfriend) about being in LTR, they seemed to know the deal, possibly based on two things: (1) the realization that I don't date much and am willing to wait for the right person; (2) their experience of other women and what those women bring out in them; and (over time) (3) I grew to understand basically how a guy tends to think, how to show appreciation, how to manage expectations, and so on. They like it, so I've always gotten the LTR guy though I've never had to chase one down or nag him for it.

LTR (non-married) = 1 year or more with the intention of permanence and regular "check-in" points to make sure you're both on the same track.

[Crimsyjo]

I'd love a LTR

But it's impossible to know if anything is or will be one.

When I got married I thought it was forever. At the time. Lasted 12 years. My next LTR 3 years. Next 3 months. Sooo... I'm not doing very well at LTR. That first one taught me you just never know. No matter what you think or feel in the moment.

Better to have no expectations. Only hope. And then be surprised one day when u realise your date turned into a LTR haha!

[Serkee]

People want to be loved, and to give someone their love in return. Of course some people are fine with that, they just want to bang without committing, but most want actual deep connection, understanding, companionship, love, family, and loyalty. You don't get that when you're only with someone for a few weeks. There's no substance to that, I don't even consider that to be a relationship in the romantic sense. If you're just looking for someone to bang or to hang out with for a couple weeks then drop, then you're not looking for a relationship. You're looking to hedonistically scratch an itch.

I know I'm only interested in a long term relationship because the idea of building connections with people and breaking them off before I can fall in love hurts. It's lonely and it's a waste of my time. I want more than anything to build a family, to be a husband and a father. In dating, my end goal is always finding someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Of course I don't decide after a couple dates to marry that person, the entire point of dating for me is to find out whether I want to or not, and that takes a lot of time.

[RavVid]

I don't think anyone would consider 2 weeks long term though from a hook up culture perspective I guess it is. Promising is the most it could really described as.

Guy/gal interactions can be highly passionate and the passion does seem to stretch out before you like road that disappears over the horizon. So it is easy to have that perspective that you will always spend the whole weekend fucking and since fucking your partner suppresses desire to fuck other people both partners will probably see the relationship as long term.

We all know that frequency of fucking decreases over time and relationship disharmony is predicted by the desired and actual frequency gap. There seems to be some good data that fucking decreases by 25% by 4 years.

So I am going plump for 4 years because it is clearly on the way down at that point.

[19magic]

Personally I'd say it's a fling or a couple of dates, short-term is around 2/3 months, mid term hits around 6 months and when you start getting serious and probably around a year when I'd say you hit long term.

But at the same time it's all relative if you spend 2-4 times a week together you're gunna get to the serious stuff quicker than if you only spend 1 a week or less and if long distance and you meet once every month or something then that's longer again.

[Nirmroth]

Its more about your intentions going into the relationship. You can talk about it with the girl you're dating to avoid hurt feelings from each side.

If you date a girl with the intention of seeking something long term but you dont see yourself going longterm with her after getting to know her better, then just tell her that.

[HawkPerception]

That has been my only intention when it comes to dating. To find a partner that I want to get married to and spend my life with. I simply envision a happy life living with my partner and raising a family ideally at an off grid house

[DaveJord]

Right. But if you're dating just to get married how much are you seriously limiting yourself?

Why not date to date? Why is that so frowned upon? It could still lead the marriage, and it could not. But what's wrong with dating just a date?

[DaveJord]

You go on two dates with a woman, and assume that you're going to get married to her. And if she doesn't want to continue dating for marriage at that point, do you just stop dating?

I mean it's been two dates, how the hell do you know what you want other than maybe a third and fourth date?

[DaveJord]

I'm not picking on you dude. I'm just trying to illustrate a point. If you go on two dates with a woman are you asking her to marry you?

She says yes are you getting married to her? If she says no do you just stop dating her?

It would be inappropriate to ask her to marry you after 2 dates, right?

So you're dating to date with the hopes of marriage. You're not dating to get married.

[dragoblack]

I never understood the point of a "short-term relationship" like, do you not expect it to last? Do you plan for it to be unstable? Do you plan to ceat at some point deliberately?
I go for a relationship to find a woman who genuinely cares about me and accepts every part of who i am. not for sex, not for a fling, not for some weird cheating fetish that most of society tends to have... i just want genuine love, romance, and acceptance.

[Razp_Sorbet]

The thought of getting to know someone just to have them leave your life a few months later sounds like absolute hell to me. I get far too attached to people and I've had enough people walk in and out of my life.

[Anonymous]

Yes. How do i know? Because I'm very much a creature of habit. I don't like people coming in and out of my life. And because of this I don't like surprises. So while I say I'm only interested in LTR, that DOESN'T mean with just anybody. I'm an intensely loyal person, but respect is a two way street.

[LiamJHayden]

I would love to find a lady who could tolerate me long term, but despite my being an easy-going great friend I am apparently a difficult romantic partner.

[msc545]

Long term is more than a month.

[DaveJord]

I'm not really looking to put like a time stamp on when it crosses the line of long-term the short-term. But a month is like a blink of an eye dude. I don't think so.

[noohair]

I am 70. I do one day at a time.

[Crimsyjo]

😄 it's only real true way to be!