I lost attraction to a boyfriend who gained weight. I wasn’t rude enough to tell him thats part of why I wanted things to end. So I felt it was best to point out a secondary issue in the relationship. That way I was not lying because the secondary issue was still reason enough to breakup without hurting his feelings about his appearance. But then years later, as my ex, he had gained even more weight and had the nerve to try to get back together. And he was feeling himself waaaay to much talking as if I was crazy for not wanting to be with him. So I Finally broke it down for him and told him that I would not consider getting back with him until he got back in shape and that that is part of why things ended in the first place. I told him, he wouldn't even be considered until he went back to looking like the guy I fell for in the beginning. He looked sad in that moment, but you know what? He’s still done nothing about it. He continues to sit around playing video games and just swells and swells. I’m glad I didn’t actually want to be back with him because its disappointing to see him not care about his health. Despite having to get down to the truth, karma got me when someone broke up with me for the same reason. I didn’t gain as much as the ex above, but I got too comfortable and lost my flat tummy and looked very bloated for about a month. That guy dumped me. And he told me that even if I slimmed up again, that that wouldn't be enough to keep him. So see, he used the “loss of attraction” as a secondary issue/reason to whatever he really dumped me for (just like I did with the guy above). Anyways, afterwards, I got back in the gym and actually worked on it unlike the ex I first mentioned.
Frankly, if the lack of attraction is based on weight gain, that’s kind of crummy. Perhaps suggest a shared exercise plan to get back in shape if you actually LOVE her.
Next, presumably she’s reasonable enough for you to speak with her in an honest and open manner… in which case you mention feeling less attracted… NICELY, not too bluntly.
Women put on weight at different points in life, typically bc of stress (or related to child birth), so it’s important to be kind so as not to just add on to the stress.
Depends on person to person. Other than being pregnant those aren't excuses to get fat. Being fat is equivalent to not brushing your teeth. It's unhealthy, Unacceptable, and unattractive. And before you ask yes I would hold the same standard for myself.
Respectfully, It's just excuses. Mens hormones also drastically change as they get older anc stop producing as much testosterone. I'm not saying both people need to look like models but it's not hard to stay in relatively good shape and I would expect my significant other to put in the same effort as me out of respect.
No. Having standards isn't nasty. And if I got fat I'd expect her and my friends to point it out because it ridiculous.
In running shoes and telling it loudly so you van maintain some distance when she starts throwing heavy pots or sharp knives. One sleazy- a bit- trick is to create a document on computer asking a fictitious friend this question and leave it in a place where she is likely to eventually income across it. Type what should sound like a post to - here would be fine though don't actually send. it. say much of what post ways and this would allow you to get the message about the seriousness of situation.
Also do a self check as honestly as possible to see if she might be thinking similar strategies. Then, there are always therapists from traditional to someone who specializes in sexual incompatibility. See her ( preferably) a lone the first few times to see if she has any ininsight. Maybe some will work but if not suggest that she goes to an appt. Shell likely meant to rind out what you were asking hand you could tell therapist the most pressing questions. It won't be easy since you now need to be truthful about yourself. She could likely be co as chef to ask about your sexual
relationship, she will ask her the same but the therapist can ask the questions to your partner s people you d people not get stabbed multiple times while you sleep.
When having a conversation about no longer being attracted to someone, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and respect. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Be honest but sensitive: Express your feelings openly and honestly, but avoid being hurtful or disrespectful. Choose your words carefully and make it clear that this change in attraction is about your feelings, not any fault on her part.
2. Choose the right time and place: Find a private and comfortable setting where you can have an open conversation without distractions or interruptions.
3. Use "I" statements: Frame your explanation using "I" statements to express how you feel rather than placing blame or making accusations.
4. Listen actively: Allow her the opportunity to share her thoughts and feelings as well, and listen attentively to what she has to say.
5. Respect her emotions: Recognize that this news might be difficult for her to hear, so be prepared for a range of emotional responses.
6. Offer support: If appropriate, offer support in terms of helping navigate the transition or providing space if needed.
Remember that it's never easy for anyone involved in such conversations, so being respectful and empathetic is crucial throughout the process.
Opinion
11Opinion
"I am not attracted to you anymore. Stop wasting your time with me and yes I am that shallow. Thanks"
I think that would be perfect.
I agree with everything but the shallow part. It's not shallow to wanna be attracted to your partner.
If your significant other stopped brushing his teeth would it be shallow for you to tell him that makes you not attracted to him?
Oh so it's only shallow if it's something that can't be immediately changed?
Also unless you're severely obese you can become a healthy weight in less than 4 months. I'm not talking about being a model, I'm talking about being a healthy size.
Men dont have control over their hair loss so that's not the same as weight. A more similar equivalent to women's weight would be a man's financial status.
You are right, then perhaps if he also gained weight it would be the same thing. If she did the same it would be shallow too, but understandable. There is nothing wrong with being shallow everyone is. No financial status is not similar where I live, women usually date people with the same status as them.
It is understadable when people are honest when they are not it is confusing. Although I imagine that most people consider that a lack of tact but it is better to vocally express the reason rather than not giving any - even if you are called an asshole if you are a man or a bitch if you are a woman-
Well yeah I'd hold the same standard for a man. If a woman was upset because her man became fat then I wouldn't blame her. But it's not shallow. If anything it's actually shallow of him to gain all that weight when he knows that would make her less attracted to him.
Shallow means you're only focusing on physical appearance, money, etc. If it's one piece of the attraction puzzle that's not shallow, that's preference.
What is wrong with the exact wording you used in this question?
Hmm loving someone and then not being attracted to them simply because she gained a few pounds , well I’d argue there was no love to begin with.
Love is not just a word , it can mean different things to different people and depending on what the subject is … I love ice cream , I love my mother , I love my g/f or wife , additionally its meaning can change throughout your life. Me hearing I love you doesn’t really mean much to me , “ show me “ , what does it mean to me to be loved by that person.
Anyways I digress , if I were to gain weight and it to affect how attractive my g/f thought I was I’d already know I had gained weight and I’d either want to do something about it for health reasons , mentally or physically but that would be my choice “ .
All you can do is support and LOVE your partner , loving someone dependent on how much body fat there is is not a love anyone needs !!!
@Purpleronnie That's an interesting argument. You believe love is unconditional?
Just a small aspect of what love means to me. Loving someone unconditionally would mean loving them without expecting anything in return. So no not exactly but it certainly doesn’t come with a condition or expectation that a partner can’t gain a few pounds. It’s a given that in any relationship spanning more than a few years that people can and do change in many ways. Loving a person is accepting those expected and natural changes. Sure there are expectations in return , some of those may indeed be interpreted as conditions.
@Purpleronnie That is such a fascinating statement. I notice that one of the examples of a contingency was "gaining a few pounds" Does that mean that there is a number a pounds a partner can gain to make you stop loving her? Also what if the changes are behavioral like she picked up shoplifting are those conditions to stop loving and what is the hierarchy?
I wouldn’t stop “loving” them no , not in either of your scenarios but clearly their actions in those examples could mean that they have lost their dignity or self respect , morality or have an emotional or mental problem. This wouldn’t cause me to stop loving them. I’d wanna support them in not causing themselves further harm or distress. I’d love could be switched off so easily in my opinion it was never love
@Purpleronnie Interesting take, I disagree w/ your underline premise but respect your answers to the question as congruent with your belief.
Oh well that’s great thanks 😊, how nice it is to have one’s beliefs respected. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside
@Purpleronnie Lol, yw. It's simply a way to say that you are accurate in your thinking provided you execute the way you said however idt most people would do that.
Perhaps people haven’t had the up-bringing or the life experience and challenges I have. Having had conversations with many people in my life life this before I know that my beliefs and views are certainly not the “norm” . Come have commented them as selfless , whilst other’s less complimentary. Thanks for the chat though , at least you were relatively respectful in your challenge / questioning. Certainly more so that the average Uber-woke , narrow-minded , ignorant and poisonous little troll on here
@Purpleronnie I can only take you at your word, what's the worse treachery from a woman you've accepted?
Hmmm not sure that ‘accepted’ would fit, the accepting part would come way later if ever. Betrayal of trust , well I’ve not really had a partner mistreat seriously in that context , no infidelity or web of lies but certainly not contributing as they should to our relationship and keeping secrets would feature. Clearly I never “accepted “ these betrayals , I challenged them and we often worked through them. I only chose to do so because I loved them
@Purpleronnie So you're saying is someone we're to cheat on you, you would remain in love with them?
No not saying that , I couldn’t possibly know for certain how I’d feel and how I’d react if that were to happen. There are too many factors that would be predicted by the circumstances of the infidelity or how we are even defining “cheating” I realize it may seem like semantics to you but all aspects are important. I would say however that infidelity is a betrayal of trust assuming monogamy was a feature of the relationship. Love and trust are not mutually exclusive. My trust of her may have been broken but love doesn’t just disappear at that point , I might hate what’s been done to me dependent on the circumstances but love isn’t wiped out at that point. The reason it would be so emotionally conflicting and hard I suppose would be directly in relation to the fact that a person whom you love and loves you has done this to you regardless of whether I featured in the decision making process. I have broken up with woman whom I have been in love with … love doesn’t guarantee a relationship can continue not does it need to exist for a relationship to be
@Purpleronnie That makes sense. TY for providing a direct answer to a question.
Well people have different preferences.
Just say it’s a “ preference “
I for example only like men with big d-ks. It’s a preference 🤷🏻♀️
@mikeyobrien
Tell her you wouldn’t want to date someone who looks like a whale that washed up on shore. 😂
I mean it’s what I’d say to a fat slob if he gained weight
I was thinking the same thing. And I wouldn't care if a woman said she only liked men who are above 6 feet tall and have large dicks. As long as guys with those things are attracted to her then all power to her.
Yeah, I hope that slim women 7 and over, also are sexually attracted to you and aroused just by looking at you.
Something tells me you're overweight and coping by posting bait on the internet.
Honesty, it has to come from a place of genuine care and you need moderate your tone knowing she's not going to like hearing this.
Hard conversations are a necessity but can't be confrontational or angry. Also keeping perspective in mind can help a lot too to be somewhat empathetic during said conversation
A woman gaining weight shouldn't make you not attracted to her anymore. If it does you might just want to seek therapy for yourself and leave her to find someone better than you
You shouldn't confuse physical preference and mental illness. It's not very nice to people with actual illnesses. Also it is perfectly normal for men not to be attracted to fat women, they're gross, smell bad, die early, and can't do any physical activities like a healthy adult. It's not just weight that could effect that, if my partner started smoking I'd have a problem with that, or if they stopped brushing their teeth. Should I see a therapist if I'm not attracted to my significant other because her teeth are rotten should I go to therapy?
Shouldn't you want your husband to be as healthy as he can be?
Also for the appearance thing obviously there are exceptions. Like everyone gets wrinkles and stretch marks as they get older. But you should strive to be as healthy as you can be together, so staying in shape, avoiding alcohol and tobacco, and having regular doctor visits. I'd wanna know that when I'm 85 my lover will still be there with me and I won't be a widower at 65 because she couldn't control her consumption of sugar, alcohol, etc.
You're right you can't, but you can influence it. If you told your husband "I know you love to smoke but I've seen so many people die of lung cancer I'm scared ill lose you too" he'd be very selfish to not even take that into consideration.
Well I definitely don't mean shame them. I mean genuine concern is valid. I'd want the comfort of knowing that I won't be a widower by 65 because my wife smokes or over eats, etc.
They live long in spite of unhealthy activities not because of them. And no there are no health benefits to being fat. But maybe you can educate me, what are some physical benefits of being overweight?
According to who? I went to medical classes for my degree and they actively teach the opposite.
For example, 80 percent of the people who died from covid died because of pre existing conditions mainly obesity and diabetes.
Well most people who died from covid actually died from another illness that covid only exasperated. Is you are a healthy person covid is little more than a cold to you.
Again. What specificly is healthy about being overweight and according to what/who?
You can just tell me the name of the publisher and the name of the article and I'll pull it up
Babe I love you, I think you are beautiful but I am noticing you are starting to get a little fluffy around the edges. Do you maybe wanna start going to gym or start doing more fun things out of the house together? lol
Do not stretch unnecessary pain and inevitable outcome. Be a MAN and lay on her the way it is and tell her the truth. The faster you do that the better it will be for both of you.
I think upsetting her is going to be inevitable, so gently and with a lot of care and affection. But it has to be said because otherwise its the beginning of the end.
dont, you'd try to make her go on a diet somehow. never say bluntly that you dont find her hot anymore, that's asking for a breakup
Call her fat-ass until she loses weight.
Nah, just kidding.
If you really love her why would you break up over a weight issue? If you do you didn't.
I know I sure couldn't let her go over a few pounds.
Just pay someone to follow her around, playing a tuba. She'll get the point.
Ahahahahahaha... haha... ha... hahaha... ha... haha... hahahahhahahahahahahaha... ahhh.. haaaa haaaaa... haaaaaa...20 minutes later... haha ha hahahahaha... hahahha... hahaahahaaaa.. Uhuhmpf... uhumpf.. uhumpf... eh.. eh.. eh... BIG breath!!!
Still laughing...
Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t cheat. Because that’s normally the answer when someone’s partner gains weight.
Nope. Just broke up. I've never cheated or been cheated on thankfully.
If you are married, you don't. If not, and you are in an ongoing relationship, you find a respectful way to excuse yourself from it and go.
Guess you just sit down with her and have a one to one conversation!
Just don’t have the conversation in the car lol 😂
Alternative option is go for walks together and talk. It’s great for the relationship and u don’t even have to mention it! Win win
Umm.. I don't tell chicks I'm not attracted to them any more that would be stupid that one for sure way to guarantee you stop getting ur dick sucked for no reason at all.
Face to face and straight up
“let’s just be friends…little piggy”🐖
Okay my little sausage roll 🌭
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