How do you handle being single again?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a relationship for over a year and now I'm single and feel just lost. I am in so much pain and don't know how to be single.

It doesn't help that the guy I was with was like my best friend and now we can't even talk like that anymore 😪

Updates

1 y

So he drunk called me last night and I got some clarity and relief. I still feel in pain but I at least feel better knowing he's in as much pain as I am. I'm starting to accept it and know I need to move on.

[JFilton]

Take the time to grieve as it's pretty upsetting g to go through a breakthrough. Emotions are wild and routines are broken, friends lost, etc.

As cliché as it may sound...

It's hard. Give it time.

Give yourself space to grow and find yourself again. Try to look inward but also don't be afraid to talk to people who can help to be there for you and listen.

[Asker]

Thank you. I will definitely do that.

[OfMiceandMen]

You're just in that initial pain phase, trust me things will get better.

You need to go out and do something for you. Pick something you normally did prior to meeting him that you loved doing and revisit again.

A little self indulgence works wonders.

[Asker]

Ok I can do that thanks!

[OfMiceandMen]

Your welcome... when you get the chance you sometimes have to embrace being yourself again, outside a relationship. Happy people on their own make the best life partners.

[Finchie40]

Just go back to the way you were before , before entering a relationship with anyone. Remember, You were single before. So focus on yourself and realize your ex isn’t the right person for you. If they truly loved you and Cared about you? they wouldn’t be your ex period. People that love each other don’t walk away from each other , they choose each other and fix what is broken between them. So if someone chooses to walk away from you? They aren’t meant for you period. We can only choose someone that chooses us back the same or equivalent on return. So focus on yourself and realize you deserve someone better , someone that will choose you and stand by you the same way you do for them. Most of us encounter bad seeds in our lifetime until we come across a good seed , some of us only encounter bad seeds and never find a good one. So the key is to focus on yourself and treat someone the same way you want to be treated in return. Someone that makes you their priority the same way you make them yours. Don’t change who you are as a person unless you know you were the reason the relationship ended in the first place Most people have a hard time admitting they were wrong when a relationship fails , they usually point fingers at the other person blaming them for the reason. So if you know for a fact that you weren’t the reason? Then don’t change who you are as a person and eventually you will find someone that chooses you the same way you choose them.

[Asker]

Thank you for this. I think I can be honest in saying I played a significant part in why we broke up but he definitely has things he needs to improve upon as well. We both do. You are right though. I need to focus on myself. Grow from this experience. It's not going to be easy but nothing worth it ever is.

[Finchie40]

Breaking up is never easy , especially when we invest our heart into someone that we thought were doing the same for us in return. So whether you were to blame or he was to blame you both didn’t see eye to eye on things and couldn’t compromise on things , I just went through the same thing with my wife that I thought I would be married to the rest of my life , her and I realized we don’t see eye to eye on things and we started butting heads like crazy , so we both made a decision to end it , and just remain mutual for the kids sake. Now her and I are better off , because now we are on the same page as things lol , we know we aren’t good for each other , She wants opposite things than I want , instead of fighting and arguing and butting heads like we were constantly doing , we no longer fight like we used to , I feel at peace again with my life , we tried and tried and realized it didn’t get us anywhere , it just got us resenting each other more. Why honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, if you can’t be honest with your partner , don’t expect them to be honest with you , Most people have a hard time being honest because they are afraid to hurt their feelings and that isn’t love , not only that , you are only hurting yourself by not being honest. My wife decided she wanted to be single all of a sudden and wanted to do her own things , me personally didn’t want that cuz I loved her and cared about her , I thought she was my best friend until I realized she is a selfish person that only wanted things her way. I realized I was no longer a priority to her , everyone else was , her friends especially, So I had a long talk with her and realized I can’t force her to love me and stay with me , so i threw in the towel and wished her the best. Me personally wants to fall in love and experience true love eventually , but I realized I need to focus on myself first before even considering another relationship with anyone , Why I honestly prefer FWB’s

[Finchie40]

With girls’ especially these days , most people say they want love and commitment and loyalty but the second they receive it? They change their minds , so I no longer rush into a relationship with anyone , I been enjoying my life by focusing on myself , and having as much fun as I possible can , if i eventually meet an amazing girl that truly wants what I want , I won’t push it away I just won’t rush into it Some people need change in their lives and feel they can change someone else , the truth is you can’t change anyone but yourself. I was heart broken losing my wife but I realized I was single before she came into my life so that helped me move on. Now I am free and having a blast.

[Asker]

I'm sorry about you and your wife. That really sucks. My ex and I are a bit different though. Neither one of us wanted to end things especially not me but he felt that was best and I have to respect it. My depression took a toll on him. It became at the center of our relationship and I can't honestly say I blame him for his decision. It was the right thing to do. I'm seeing that more and more each day. It's tough but what else can you do but move on?

[Finchie40]

My wife also suffers from depression and anxiety and that was a big part of the reason I threw in the towel as well , My relationship with her was so back and fourth , to the point I felt like I was walking on egg shells for her , not knowing what I was coming home to , I was pretty much married to Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , she would be loving and caring to me and then like a flip of a switch I was a complete POS to her and she would attack me and criticize me and belittle me for no reason whatsoever, leaving a constant question mark over my head. So I’m sorry to say your boyfriend did the right thing by ending it with you , it sadly isn’t a healthy relationship whatsoever. There is only so much a person can take before they throw in the towel , of the negatives out weight the positives it’s best to walk away. Sadly my wife’s depression got worse and worse , I stood by her side for a long time trying to get her help not realizing I was going to eventually need help from tolerating her abuse. Beneath her depression and anxiety she is a loving caring girl but sadly she has a demon living inside of her it seems by the way she would attack me and criticize me , I will always love her I just can’t live with her without feeling at peace

[Finchie40]

I did separate from her when she was way out of control and told her to go move back in with her Mom during that time I focused on myself and eventually started dating again , I met some really great girls’ that treated me like Gold , that were sweet and caring to me , on a steady basis , that didn’t suffer from depression and anxieties , I felt like I was walking on clouds with these girls , sadly the one was lying to me that she was single when really she wasn’t but she still treated me like Gold. After I ended it with her , I stopped dating all together , my wife was still trying to get me back , so I gave her another chance when my mom and brother passed away 3 months apart from each other , my wife was by my side during that time , she moved back on with me and things were going great between us , until I lost my job from being laid off , I been struggling to find another job and sadly my wife didn’t have my back , she turned on me again and treating me like shit like everything is my fault , butting heads like crazy and that’s when we decided to no longer be together

[Asker]

I'm sorry that you went through that in your marriage. That sounds horrible. There are things that I did in the relationship that I'm not proud of due to my own insecurities and you're right he did do the right thing. But I am getting help, seeking out therapy for my depression and anxiety and insecurities. He also has things he needs to work on as well which he admitted. We both have a lot of growing up to do before either one of us can enter another relationship. I didn't see it at first but it was the best thing for both of us.

[Finchie40]

What did you do if you don’t mind me asking?

[Asker]

I wasn't hearing him out. Always venting about my stuff and not really hearing his and putting my stuff above his. As well having him constantly reassure me that he wants to be with me. It just became too much. Which I now understand and realize it was because I wasn't in a good place mentally. I'm working on that now by going to therapy.

[Finchie40]

Well the fact that you pointed out your flaws and seeking therapy for it doesn’t make you a bad person , you were just a bad person for him. Whether you want to try to get him back or move on is up to you

[Asker]

I want to try and get him back but I know he needs time to breathe and I will give him that time and space. And I need to focus on myself right now and work on the therapy.

[Finchie40]

Just don’t focus on getting him back , focus on yourself , if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be

[Asker]

I will focus on myself! Like you said if it's meant to be it's meant to be.

[ohsheeT]

Yes you do the first thing you do is believe in yourself the second thing you do is accept it because you know in time it will change so change what's inside to reflect what's on the outside and smile everything will be okay things will work out but only when you let them so start now believe in yourself this is only a moment in time after this moment there will be another moment it will all work out

[DishLady]

One day at a time. Better to be single than to be with the wrong person.

[Purpleronnie]

Although I can’t tell you what you need to do , I do have much experience to call upon here. I had to make a decision to move on from someone after a 6yr relationship which took a huge chunk out of me emotionally and mentally. What I knew though was that I couldn’t move on to a new relationship to attempt to fill a void. You need some introspection to learn who you are now , taking time to understand with what happened and what it may mean going forward. Forget about being friends with him , that’s just what people say and in my opinion it’s neither worthwhile or fair to any future partner. He ended the relationship , he doesn’t get to be friends , it’s over. Fill your life up with positive distraction and heal and grow to be happy , independent and confident before even attempting to put yourself back out there.


I was 2 years single after that heart wrenching breakup. In that time I never as much as dated another woman. I’m not sayin that’s right for you or needed but illustrating that it’s important be kind to yourself , and heal completely before moving on.

[Serkee]

I wish I knew how to handle it too. It's been nearly a year and I'm still not over her. As illogical as it is, I still feel guilty even considering looking for someone else. It feels like I'd be betraying her, even though she's the one who left.

The only advice I can really give is to try not to let yourself think about getting back together with him. Don't try to stay friends with him and give yourself false hope about changing his mind, it'll only make what you're going through last longer.

[Asker]

Thank you for this. I'm sorry you're going through it too and feel like I too, can't move on to another person because I feel like it's a betrayal even though they are the one that left. I will try to take your advice though.

[osmanthus]

Honey, being single for a year is nothing; I have been single for pretty much my entire life even when I presumably was in a relationship. Technically, my last relationship ended about 8 years ago so I haven't really had sex in the past 5 years.
A year is nothing by comparison, really. I'm not saying this to downplay or say that your experience is not legitimate or that it shouldn't be considered but what I'm saying is you know most relationships nowadays aren't serious and there's no use being in pain and figuring out how to be single and happy being single is a lot easier than in previous generations when being single meant that poverty was going to put a person in the dog house. Be grateful that they have a roof for their head and also that there's food on the table and that they have friends in this lifetime that they can you know possibly make one of those friends a potential mate.

[Altheavas]

FREEDOM it feels like for me! I’m
Not even interested to be in a relationship. I’m afraid of being in a relationship. If someone show the slightest interest in me I slowly space myself away!
Truthfully, I just want time to build myself up, I don’t rush into relationship. I hate the Idea of settling or having anyone have access to me.
In my head it’s like an interview process for the guy I’m into and would consider.

[Account]

This a 100%

[Lynx122]

I just broke up too. You just need to have a life and keep moving forwards :) I just moved to a new place I'm working on doing everything to make the aprtment nice and liveable, buying new things I need, exercising more, making food for myself. These things keep me busy. And I also need to build up a social circle again because I moved. It is difficult and I feel lonely sometimes but I try to just socialize as much as I can and improve things slowly.

[Asker]

Sorry you just had a breakup as well. I agree with you though and trying to do that. It's hard for me to socialize because I'm so shy and introvert but I will try to put myself out there.

[lightbulb27]

All below and write sown what you learned and how you. Can grow, what you will do diff next time.
Its hard vut there is a tunnel and light in other side.
Its a dearh… treat it like that. All tgose old memories need put away… life is ahead anyways, not the past.

[Anonymous]

I really liked this girl I was talking to for 10 months, almost a year, but she ended things in such a way I almost view her as the devil now. I should have listened to my intuition about her. I now look back at her rudeness, her wanting to abuse men and guys, messed up mentality, insulting my family, etc. it was my mistake to prolong things with her. I consider her one of the worst human beings I have ever met on this earth, a despicable person who I would never want to speak to again. It made me realize have high standards, know my worth and don’t settle. Girls and women aren’t innocent so that cliche is over for me. I’m a good looking guy, average height, good education, doing my masters and 2 jobs, in shape, funny, witty, cooks good food, I expect the best of the best now.

[itsannalee]

After 3 years relationship and found out my ex cheated on me, i decided to leave him.


I feel better after i left him…

[ManInChains]

Again? I've been single go almost 10 years now. It feels like I've never had a girlfriend and I'm honestly not sure I ever will which is fine. I'd probably be more unhappy in a relationship compared to not being in one.

[IslaTheWitch]

I hide a lot... I'm still learning to accept the fact that things can hurt AF... that other people can harm like that... but I like to be single... at least some parts of it :D

[TonyMetal___86]

We just have to accept the facts and it depends on how you broke up with each other!

You have to look at the positive side, maybe you deserve someone better and maybe you need to focus on your own life more...

[strateguy632]

Starting new fresh, find other friends n a lover.

[Nikki1989]

I just meet someone else. Life is short so don't waste it.

[DrPepper12]

Two words: Ladies Night! Cmon, stop wallowing and grab the girls and cut loose. Some wild and craziness is what you need!

[clampfan101]

My first girlfriend passed away 12 years ago. I’m still figuring out how to handle it, even after being ready to move on.

[Anonymous]

You just grow up like a big girl in her 30s and understand you don’t have to rely on another person to peacefully exist lmfao.

[Dou1994]

Have hobbies and interests. Also sleep a lot and go to the gym. Yes I do go to work 😂

[Happybf02]

Best way to get over one is get under another

[Jmmmfi4]

BEEN SINGLE LITERALLY MY ENTIRE LIFE IM USED TO IT

[littlehappyflower]

It has its pros and cons. It can be lonely but I can’t stand being in a negative relationship.

[Cheerfull009]

The world is full of good people, you can choose as per your choice

[Anonymous]

Drinking, masturbation, sex…… or all 3 at once

[Truthatanycost]

Your faith is in the wrong place.

[Asker]

What do you mean? I have accepted it.

[Anonymous]

I've been single my entire life. Not having sex is bad

[Anonymous]

Find a distraction i recently broke up with my boyfriend and now i am redecorating my whole house🤣

[moneymagnet24]

🤣🤣🤣

[ChicoFromThe305]

So why can't you talk to him? Left on bad terms?

[Asker]

I've talked to him but it's very awkward now since he broke up with me. It wasn't on the best of terms but he says we can still be friends. But the convo is one-sided. I'm always initiating conversation.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well there's still a lot of healing necessary, it's all just fresh, with time it might get better

[Asker]

Hopefully so.

[OtterMan68]

new hobbies, exercise, friends - self care.

[Adogdog]

Being single sucks lol

[Asker]

It really does!

[Adogdog]

I just keep waiting though :)

[Asker]

It will happen for you soon! Just have hope. I hope that things will change for me soon. It can happen!

[Adogdog]

Aww thanks. If you wanna chat, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

You're welcome and sure!

[_Senorita_]

Nope it's better than a failed marriage!!

[Adogdog]

@_Senorita_ Yeah lol

[Anonymous]

Difficult. Had to buy a dildo.

[ale2003]

oh poor you😂

[Asker]

It's not like the real thing 😕

[Starwitch23]

I feel better now. I am at peace.

[moneymagnet24]

Not everyone is as strong as you're maam..😊

[moneymagnet24]

Have a friend.. Go out with them..
Message me

[moneymagnet24]

This is called true love..
"at least I'm happy that he is in same pain as I m."😂

[Asker]

I feel that way too

[moneymagnet24]

Ofc maam seeing our partner in deep pain n we feel happy it's called True love 🤌

[dudegreat91]

I feel great and relieved.

[dsrice071966]

I have only ever been single.

[Anonymous]

Start finding friends with benefits

[Anonymous]

Drinking

[strateguy632]

Alcohol is not for using that way.

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't advise it but it got me out of the first few months