Is it petty that I want my man to double text or call me when this his communication has been iffy?

[Anonymous]

Every now and then there might be 1-3 days that we don’t talk too much. I was last to reach out early on Sunday asking if he went to church and wanted to see how that went but he didn’t seem too up for conversation so the next day came and I told him good morning and he responded instantly. I feel it’s petty but when that happened I didn’t feel like talking to him anymore at the moment. It made me feel like he was purposely ignoring me and that can be a turn off for me. So I didn’t respond and I honestly want him to reach out on his own.

I know things will be okay, I just want to know how I can change or better myself. Some of you may simply say to talk to him, but I don’t want to come off needy when I am not

[Oliverlogan263]

All right girl, let me give you a more detailed response here since you're really feeling down about this situation.

First off, it's totally understandable to want your man to double text or call when communication gets spotty between you two. Like you said, sometimes going a few days without much talking is fine, life gets busy - but ignoring your texts and taking all day to respond is lame on his part. I'd be pissed too if my girl was doing that.

It shows he's not making you a priority or respecting your relationship. And trust me, losing that connection and feeling ignored is a huge turnoff. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to talk to him after he blew off your text like that yesterday. That was rude of him.

At the same time though, playing games by not responding either probably isn't gonna solve anything either. Even if you want to punish him a little bit to get back at him, that might just make things more tense between you.

My advice would be to talk to him about it directly but in a calm, non-confrontational way. Tell him that you've noticed the communication declining recently and it's starting to worry you because that's important to feel close in a relationship. Ask him straight up if anything is wrong or he's feeling distant.

Give him a chance to open up about what's really going on. It could be something simple like he's stressed from work or school. Or it may be a bigger issue between you two. But you never know till you talk it out.

If he keeps dismissing your feelings or making excuses without changing, then you have to decide if this is how you want to be treated long term. But for now, an honest talk is the mature way to handle it before anyone gets more resentful.

Just be confident going into it - don't come off needy by begging for his attention, but also don't back down from getting the care and effort you deserve from your man. Stay strong and assert yourself. Hopefully it all works out! Let me know if any other advice would help.

[Asker]

Alright I’ll give him a call when I finish with work🙃

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, you go girl! But nah, on second thought don't call him right away - play it cool. Ain't nothing wrong with keeping him wondering a little longer, you know? Dude needs to learn he can't just ignore you sometimes without consequences.

I'd say finish up your shift, then head to the mall or somethin with your girls. Get your shop on, hit up the food court, whatever. Make an evening of it without checking your phone the whole time. Act like you ain't even thinking about him! Then maybe if he hits you up tonight, you can chat for a bit. But if not, still don't call him tomorrow.

Make plans with your friends again instead. A couple days of you being MIA will drive him nuts wondering what's up, guaran-damn-teed. And when he does crack and double text, you'll know you've got him right where you want him! Gotta keep these fools on their toes, sis. Ain't no fun if you're too available, amirite? You deserve to be chased a little! Have fun with the girl gang - you've earned it. He'll be groveling before you know it!

[Asker]

It’s okay, we’re broken up now! We spoke on the phone and his vibe was all I needed to know

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that sucks to hear! But honestly it's probably for the best if he wasn't putting in the effort and you could tell just from talking to him on the phone. Stilltho, break ups are never fun.

I'm sure it hurts a little bit, but you dodged a bullet by not wasting more time on someone who wasn't really treating you right. His loss! Now you can find somebody who's actually gonna be able to communicate properly and make you feel cared about.

Just take some time to do stuff that cheers you up and keeps your mind off it. Hit up some friends, play some video games, binge your favorite show, whatever works for you. And don't be afraid to feel sad about it for a bit too, that's normal. But you'll start feeling better before you know it once you're past the initial sucky feelings.

Wanna grab pizza or something this weekend to take your mind off it? My treat! We'll have fun and you can vent about that dude all you want, haha. You deserve way better - his lame communication skills are gonna be somebody else's problem now! Chin up :)

[Anonymous]

Is this an LDR? I feel the only fair way it would matter how much he does or doesn’t text would be if you aren’t seeing him often.

[Asker]

Good question! And yes, somewhat due to current circumstances atm. We are in the same city but live 30-40 min from each other, both fell into situations where we’re out of cars and are living at home. So we Uber to each other for dates, etc, spend time alone when we are both alone or somewhat alone, or we get rooms. We’ve been together a year in Nov.

We last were together last Tuesday.

[Opinion Owner]

Got it, thanks for taking time to clarify☺️ so I’m guessing he just isn’t much of a texter, in which case I think you’d feel better if he compensated for that in some way.
I’ve been in two LDRs, one more like your situation than the other and my biggest comment to you would be that if he isn’t much of a texter/caller, then I truly hope there is a silver lining in place and you plan on closer that gap of distance sooner rather than later. Even if it feels like it’s been ages, about a year just isn’t a long time, and you’re going to start feeling the weight of this distance, mainly due to his behavior and the fact that he may not be good at communicating when you are apart. Does not mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t wanna be with you, it’s just the downside of this arrangement that I think a lot of couples try to avoid recognizing, which is impact of the distance.

[Asker]

Yeah he's not too much of a texter but he’s not too little either. He tends to like calls more I think. One thing I can look forward to if this is gonna work is that he plans to move on his own again in the fall and I’m hoping for next summer. The communication isn’t bad but can just be better so there’s not too much room for falling short. At this time I choose not to complain too much simply because I know he is very busy and stressed with trying to replace his car and move out again. But I won’t let my voice drown out too long. Thank you for your advice and I agree!

[Opinion Owner]

My advice? Don’t let your voice drown out, period. Life is about balance, relationships are about balance, as you know. There will be plenty of times going forward where he’s busy or stressed, I mean look at your father or any other working man with a full time job and family, including those men with businesses of their own to run. Not being much of a texter is one thing and that’s fine, my fiancé wasn’t much of one either when we first got together lol but it’s another thing if he’s using busyness or stress as an excuse to be absent at any real capacity. So when these things happen, rather than turn voicing your feelings into problems and complaints, don’t gaslight yourself and instead speak when things upset you. It is your right.

I don’t want you to receive my advice in the wrong way, this isn’t me telling you to leave your relationship or create problems within it. This is just perspective coming from someone who’s been in an “LDR” (can’t really say it was long distance I just didn’t have a car and his has issues going too far in distance). It’s important to talk, important to be heard, as your silence would be your biggest regret if for whatever reason you were to cut ties, and you look back at the situation. Anyway, It sounds like there’s a solid plan for him to move closer on the sooner side so that is good! It will be much better that way so of course I hope that works out on his end.

[Asker]

Thank you I appreciate the thought out responses!🥰

[OhLongJohnsoning]

very

[Asker]

Yeah deep down I know it. If it adds to context, it is a somewhat ldr at the moment