Why is being friend zoned so bad?

[Anonymous]

I get it it sucks if you’re into a girl and she’s not into you like that. But she’s still seeing you as a friend. You’re not enemy zoned. If you were just absolutely repulsive as a human being you wouldn’t even be that. Trust me.

Not everyone’s gonna be into you. Some people are taken and if they’re loyal they’re not gonna do anything no matter how hot you are.

You are someone’s perfect someone. Men and women…. Stop focusing on the entire opposite sex. Focus on whose meant for you and who you’re meant for

[19magic]

The guys reaction on this is so bizarre, it's like there's only one kind of female in this world. Here's my take on this with being the woman who has "friendzoned" several guys.

In secondary school 14-18, there was apparently 4 different guys who I was friends with who crushed on me. 2 I worked out, 1 were told from friends of friends and 1 told me himself. The two I worked out after time of hanging out with me started acting differently around me then other females in the group, it was a bit uncomfortable really, as I had zero attraction to them and didn't want to kiss them or anything. The other I was told about I liked him, but I can admit I was riding a bit of a high horse, and didn't think our lives would coordinate as I was planning on going to you uni and everything. The one who told me, at that point had a crush on 4 other girls in the group, also told me he was pansexual and we spent time discussing which guys we thought were fit together, so when he told me I actually forgot he was into girls.

As for uni, there was 3 that I knew about 1 told me and two I managed to work out. I was housemates with a guy so we would naturally hang out a lot, semi-catered so would eat in the canteen and also go drinking as a group together. We both did photography so hung out loads. However he did loads of drugs some hard, some soft, told me how he wanted to off himself, also told me he was bi and told me about his grinder dates. And it wasn't until we went drinking and he started to full on grind on me that I even realised he was interested in me and then started a whole, make sure we're not alone together or anything in case I was accidentally leading him on. It really was a shame cause he was a great friend, and it really was fun hanging out with him. But even if I was attracted to him his lifestyle of drugs was a major no for me.

The second guy was fun and great to hang around but I had zero attraction to him, he wasn't ugly by any means, but there was nothing there. And I've done it before he's nice so I dated him and it was great until you get to the bedroom part, your there thinking about homework or chores instead of the sex, or thinking have I moaned enough yet to say I'm into this, when is he finally going to finish and when it does happen and he's finished you're thinking thank god it's finally over. It's not fair on the guy to keep it going, I tried for around 2 months but just felt I was wasting both our times.

The last one I never even realised, we went to drama club together and lived in the same block. She was a trans mtf and honestly I figured she was into males now being a female and never even realised she'd be into girls. So when she kissed me on my birthday I was in absolute shock and somewhat ghosted her for a week. And again thought about our friendship till that day to see if I had led her on at all.

So most times I was doing the same things I would be doing with my female friends as I would with the male ones. And honestly never realised that they liked me in that way. Until I was told or a specific moment happened in our friendship that made me go oh shit, no, please tell me, they don't, no god no, our friendship is ruined. I'm now watching what I say and making sure there is distance between us, making sure everything I say is Pg, I'm not laughing at things and it's too much work to think I can't just be myself around that person as they may be thinking of me in a sexual way.

[rienna888]

Because in a way they’re saying you’re not good enough to be dating material. As in not good looking, charming, worthy. Which kind of messes with your self esteem. I believe that most of us want the opposite sex to look at us and deem us worthy as a romantic partner. Unless they’re crossing boundaries and being creeps. But luckily most guys never friend zone me anymore lol.

[Asker]

I mean to someone you probably are. But people focus too much on who isn’t into them.

[rienna888]

Yes I agree, it’s really sad that we’re so sensitive and constantly feel like we’re not good enough just because other people say or think so.

[Asker]

Yeah it is sad

[blueonblack22]

Mature men and women can handle tactful rejection. But when you ask someone “can we just be friends” you are actually being extremely selfish. Reason being is you are acting entitled to the feel good attention they give you (along with other favors). You are not taking in their real feelings seriously. Why should they waste their time, effort, hope, etc hanging out with someone they can’t have? Just to watch that person fall in love with someone else right in front of them?

If you as a man don’t have a problem with women doing above to you then the more power to you man. But honestly I have hard time believing you would stay real (platonic) long term “friends” with a woman you had serious feelings for.

[BetaBucks]

I think a dude who is into a girl doesn't really want to sit and watch her get ran through by a bunch of dbags that she'll constantly be complaining about, all while knowing he wasn't good enough to get that same opportunity because he isn't attractive and aggressive enough. It would HAVE to be humiliating af.

Plus, 99% of those relationships are just the guy being a servant to the girl and her reciprocating almost nothing. All while she is a servant to the guys she's blowing, who do absolutely nothing to reciprocate the effort to the girl. Of course there are exceptions. But this is the only dynamic I've ever witnessed.

[HawkPerception]

The only kind of friendzone that's healthy is when you wouldn't date them yourself. Don't kid yourself and remain in a so called friendship, when you know damn well that you'd date them given the chance to do so. You'll be jealous of them when you see them in relationships with others and continually repress your feelings/desires. Do not be a cuck. Men and females CAN be friends. I have friends that are females myself, but they are not girls I would date for whatever the reasons that we aren't compatible are and because of that I can be genuinely happy for them when they find love and have 0 jealousy or negative feelings in me.

[Account]

Agreed. In fact, I prefer being friend zoned rather than being seen as desirable for the wrong reasons.

Yeah.

[Asker]

And I agree with that too

[Asker]

A lot of dudes who have a lot of money and maybe look good. I would venture there are women who obviously are genuinely into him. But a lot of these men get used and aren’t even loved in the end.

[Asker]

I feel bad for some of them. Because there are women who put on a good act. But they’re not after him

[Account]

One of the reasons why I would never date a guy who has more money than me is exactly that. I wouldn't want that thing to ever cross their minds. I am way too proud to a fault. Also I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they can control me in any way or form.

[DishLady]

Is it? I’ve never thought so….

[Asker]

Never thought what

[DishLady]

That being friend zoned was a negative.

[Asker]

Oh yeah

[msmissydc]

Two options. Either there is no friendzone or its just the one sided view when the other viewpoint is "they pretended to be a friend to get in bed with you".

So first, you put yourself in the friendzone and second the "victim" of the friendzone is the one who realised the other only pretended to be a friend to use them. Not the pretender!

[RingOfFire]

Men are such DOGS! 🐶

[Asker]

@RingOfFire all men are? I don’t think so. Also there are plenty of disgusting women. Believe me

[normalice]

No one likes to be frustrated and sexual frustrations are even worse. However, men who complain about the friend zone necissarily don't think of women as friends so much as sexual outlets that just need some coaxing to let them in - which tends to be why they are in the friend zone. It is an animalistic approach to a relationship and women generally aren't interested in dating an animal. And if they do want to date an animal they may as well go with the strongest sexiest animal and not the feeble ones sniffing after their skirts whimpering to be picked up and stroked.

It's usually pretty obvious when participating in a conversation is forced because that's what a guy feels like he has to do to get laid versus a guy who is genuinely interested in socializing with real people instead of computer programs. And i am telling you now it is a bit of a sexual golden age for the latter.

[DextroShade]

Being in the friend-zone is a massive L for a man as women tend not to be good as friends. Add in the fact that if the guy likes he has to hear her complain about the guys she is actually fucking and it becomes torture that no self-respecting man would subject himself to. Stop being a simp and wasting your time on girls who don't like you.

[imtiaz45]

Being "friend-zoned" feels bad for some because it involves unreciprocated romantic feelings. When someone hopes for a romantic relationship but is seen only as a friend, it can lead to disappointment, rejection, and frustration. The person may feel undervalued or unappreciated, especially if they invested emotionally in the relationship. Additionally, it can create an awkward dynamic where one person struggles with lingering romantic feelings while trying to maintain a friendship. However, the friend zone is not inherently bad; it can be a chance to build a strong, meaningful friendship, even if it doesn't lead to romance.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/pYV2wqxkVZg

[Anonymous]

Friend zoned might mean she is in a place she doesn't want a relationship at present but doesn't my went to lose you either. You be more satisfied with someone to bounce life trials off of than being completely alone.

[Asker]

I mean I assume most people when they see someone they genuinely want they make a move. Sometimes people just need friends though.

If I’m friendsoned. I just move on

[Asker]

I mean I’m their friend but romanticly I move on. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be

[clampfan101]

It’s better than being desired for wrong or misunderstood reasons, it’s better than nothing at all, and it’s certainly better than being disliked. But if I’m rejected it’s still going to be a big deal, even just friends. I don’t go asking girls out willy-nilly. I’d be putting a large amount of thought and heart into it. All of that going to waste would hurt, even if I understood her reasoning.

[more_than_a_guy]

I kept on being a friend several times after friendzoned, and several times I pulled off. When I was friendzoned and kept being the friend, I had a big delay moving on of thinking of her and I was less happy in general. The distance can make you emotionally more available and you'll think less of her. I even have good times now as a friend to someone I got distanced for a while after being friendzoned, I shifted my emotions away and managed to realise I don't want her anymore romantically, so I was able to return as a friend.

[Nikki1989]

There are NO friend zones. Never was.

[Asker]

Then what’s it called when you have no attraction to someone. Sure feelings can develop. But

[Serkee]

It's much harder to move on from a girl you're in love with when you're still close to her. You can't just flip a switch and decide you don't feel that way about her anymore, so when you have to watch her be with other people, or when she gets hurt by them and comes to you for affirmation, it's torture. And it's hard not to feel like she's only keeping you around for attention when you clearly care about her a lot more than she cares about you.

[hello123456789]

Look... let me be 100% honest. The Friendzone sucks because you cannot have sex with her. She probably believes that she is too good for you... or if not... you just aren't her type for a real man.

The friendzone guy is usually the emotional pillow for her problems. You have to be there for her as a friend and be nice just for her to look over you as a real partner. It sucks because she could just be with you and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Being friend zoned just sucks especially if you've had some kind of romantic interactions with the person.

[Asker]

It does but eventually you find someone else. It’s better then not being desired at all though. Also sometimes attraction takes time to develop.

[gorydetails]

If you want to date a chick you don't want to be her friend.

[Asker]

I mean if you don’t want to have any deeper connection. People who marry their best friend tend to have MUCH happier marriages and lower divorce rates.

[gorydetails]

You're not marrying a chick who puts you in the friendzone.

[Asker]

No lol

[Asker]

But I mean it’s good to be friends with who you’re with. Best friends.

But honestly it’s better to have a friend then nothing. Some
People can’t even make friends

[gorydetails]

No, it's not better to have a friend than nothing. ESPECIALLY if you find that friend sexually desirable. Women will take advantage of that power dynamic. The guy will always feel rejected.

The absolutely worst thing a man can do is keep a relationship with a woman he finds sexually desirable

[Anonymous]

Generally because most friendzones are not misunderstandings. Most friendzone's are deliberate explotation of another's feelings.

[Asker]

If someone makes it clear all they want to do is be friends

[Opinion Owner]

If they do. But most don't. Most either deliberately exploit the other person, or they are simply socially retarded.

[Vegasrunner]

Name one tangible benifit you receive from being platonic friends with a woman?

[Asker]

Honesty the same as being friends with a dude.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker Honestly isn't a benifit of friendship of either gender

[Anonymous]

You have to stay away
Keep distance , only meet her as part of a group
Otherwise you are just torturing yourself


A good person will respect your feeling and help you move on by keeping distance


It will be painful, if she talked about her love life you are not going to like it


You are hoping that she will eventually change her mind and appreciate you
Even if this happens it will be for the wrong reasons


Have some respect to your future partner
She will not like to see you around a girl you like


Also she is not a saint, she might want your attention or validation or have you as a backup


focus on yourself. live your own life. She will be fine without you


To find your partner , you have to be all in
And This will not happen if you stayed close with her cause a tiny part of your brain will always think “this might work”

[Opinion Owner]

I got this advise and I chooses not to follow it

And it blew up spectacularly in my face

But do whatever you want to do
Golden rule
“Don’t have any expectations “

[red324]

Never hurts to have female friends. They can put in a good word for you if a girl happens to like you. I don't have hardly any social circle and it's impossible to meet anyone because women are so against dating a "random" guy which is bs because everyone is a stranger in the beginning

[LiamJHayden]

It's only a "Friend Zone" if one is not interested and the other pretends to be a friend, hoping to get a chance at romance.

[Ladsin2]

The woman is saying she enjoys your company, but just not enough to be with you. Then you have to sit and watch her bang a slew of fuckboys that she complains about to you just praying that one day she'll give you a chance. She won't, and if she does she'll always think she's settling and will eventually leave you. It's stupid.

[Jmmmfi4]

I WOULD NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH A FEMALE I WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER IT

[Asker]

Why?

[worldscolide]

It depends entirely on the friend zone you're in. If you're an actual friend, that's good. If she friend zones you to keep you on the back burner so she can date others while stringing you along, that's bad.

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

It’s like looking at a really nice car. The catch is that you will never drive it. It’s injurious to have to look at it.

[Anonymous]

Friend zone is only a problem if you want something more. Otherwise it's a cheaper way to be around a girl that you like (than a girlfriend).
If you do want something more, it's very difficult to deal with and feels painful over time.

[Rangers]

If a girl wants you as a friend, she might as well say. "You're disgusting, I don't want to date you"

[Tim2nice]

It is. I’d never give someone the chance to put me in that position

[Xoirwinkan]

It's like being passively rejected every minute you're with her

[OtterMan68]

Because you're so close to someone you love and want to be with, but you can't have that.

[Chthou95]

Why give them that benefit? What would be the point of wanting to be friends with someone you want but can't have

[Anonymous]

If she can hook you up with a hotter girl who is totally DTF, then yeah--no one complains about it.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you 100%

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've slept with most of my friends. It ain't that bad.

[Serkee]

Then you're not being friendzoned.

[Asker]

Now that’s gross

[Asker]

Man whore

[BoopBoopBeep]

Aw you're going to hurt my feeling. Singular.

[Sharkstealth]

I've never been so who knows.

[Stef12]

I friend zone them.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I got used to it :P