Always end up in the friend-zone? Why?

Question

Well I'm quite concerned about my own case lately...

So just did want to have your opinion.

Basically I'm quite a relationship analyst, I love to answer people question about their relationship, but realize I now have myself an issue actually getting one.

The daily me is quite open minded, not too shy, very friendly, not perverted, a bit weird from time to time, Straight but sensible... I love women a lot but I realize lately that I'm finding myself always in the friend zone. Didn't have a relationship for quite long time, and not really desperate about it.

What is that step, that make you girls put someone in a "friend-zone" or "flirt-zone"

hisangel · Accepted Answer

I have to admit, when I started reading bobair's run down my first thought was "Total bullsh*t" cause I figured guys don't get the friend zone thing (no offense bobair). But as I got to the point where he is talking about attraction THEN friendship, I completely and utterly agree with him.

I have NEVER taken a guy out of the friend zone I wasn't attracted too. And NEVER put one in it that I was attracted to. If I am even a tiny bit attracted I am not thinking 'Wow, I'm so glad I have someone to go shopping with now.' I'm always wondering if something can happen.

One of the things I don't think guys get is that women are relational by nature. So you see all the stuff you are doing with her and think there is no way she can't feel something. But she is probably doing the same stuff with her girlfriends. She is relational. She is going to tell you how awful her day was...and then call 5 other friends and do that too. It doesn't mean she doesn't care for you. Because you are a guy, she probably thinks you are her best friend. Cause she has the same fun feeling she gets with her girl friends but even better cause you get those warm gooey feelings when the opposite sex likes spending time with you.

This is going to be hard to hear but why do you think women like gay men so much? It's like a girl friend that gives you the happy feelings. And I hate, hate, hate to say this, but all the guys I knew who were my good friends, they might as well of been my gay friends cause they weren't coming out of that friend zone. Well, not coming out with the "I'll be her best friend in the whole world and one day she will wake up to how great I am" attitude. Women just don't' think that way.

Also, guys need to understand that women do not want to chase a man! So if you aren't actually using the words "I like you" she isn't going to get it. We are trained to think that if a guy likes us enough, he will tell us. So if you are waiting for her to say something, most of the time it isn't going to happen (with a rare exception).

I know guys love getting close to the women they love and getting in there like a sniper, infiltrating her world. But to a woman, that just means you are seeking friendship, not sex. She's not getting the right signals from you. Imagine one of your guy friends turning to you and asking you out. That's what it feels like when a woman's best guy friend asks her out. She is completely dumbfounded. She didn't see it coming.

There may be cases out there, but I personally do not know any woman that married her best guy friend who she knew for 5 years when she woke up one day and realized how good he was to her. I can't think of one case. It may happen all the time but I can't say I've seen it.

So I would definitely listen to bobair and get out of the zone some how. It may hurt her at first but it is definitely your best chance of getting her and not getting your heart broken.

QueenKatie · Accepted Answer

You sound like quite a choosy guy - not the sort of person who would be satisfied with just anyone who could give them a bit of companionship, but the type of guy who wants the girl of his dreams. I think that's a very good thing - you know what you're looking for. But it does mean that you need to have a strategy to win the right girl's heart when you finally meet her.

Firstly, you need to show interest at a fairly early stage. Now that doesn't mean you should try to rip her clothes off five minutes after you meet her! Rather, you simply need to take a bit of care and go the extra miles in terms of making an effort to get to know her. Don't expect her to fall into your lap because you're wonderful and brilliant - many women, especially pretty women, get an awful lot of male attention every day, to the point that they get tired of it. Expect to have to work to get to know the 'real' her. Listen to her actively and remember what she says - flatter her with your attention. In particular, try to guide her towards conversations where you will really get to know her, for instance talking about her aspirations and dreams, her achievements and disappointments, her childhood etc.

In the course of natural conversation, people mention their likes and dislikes. Be watching out for those clues, and lock them away in your memory when you hear them. For example, she might mention that she really likes a certain brand of chocolate, or a certain flower. Remember it when she says it, and then use any excuse to buy some for her - a special day, a saints day, find an excuse in the many days of the calendar for it. You'll get major brownie points for attentiveness, and it'll be a clear (and very sweet) signal that you are interested.

You can also use the information she gives you to tease her - always affectionately, of course - which will cultivate intimacy between the two of you. Make sure it's flattering to her - for instance, you could kid her around about something she's really good at, but not something she's insecure about. (Avoid like the devil sensitive subjects like weight!)

Once you've got to know her, you can then move into the dating zone - perhaps by asking her out for a drink or coffee, or lunch... and then moving up to a dinner date. However, if you do get a clear and explicit negative sign at any point, i.e. she sits you down and gives you the 'I like you as a friend' speech, then be attentive to that. Don't pursue someone if they're clearly not keen to see you - it's annoying and disrespectful!

Good luck! I'm sure there are loads of girls out there who would be interested.

xoSilverTiger · Accepted Answer

First of all there is the rule of attraction -- if they don't show confidence, comfortable-ness around me, or are plain pleasing to the eye ((I know that sounds horrible, but everyone judges apperance)) then it will be a friend

Another thing is how well you know each other. I know a lot of people will avoid relationships with close buddies to keep the friendship intact, especially if the person is really dear to their heart.

To be put in the flirt zone I guess a guy would have to make the first move (by being a bit more protective, interested in her daily life, etc.)

Something that completely makes a girl uninterested is if the guy is overly flirty, ex. "hey baby how you doin'" etc.

its annoying and we think you're making fun of us.

thats about it. Hope I helped in whatever roundabout way I could

bobair · Accepted Answer

I know EXACTLY what's happening. I've studied this phenomenon for years now, and I can break it down for you like this...

Most guys who end up in the "friend's zone" simply don't escalate. They've been too fearful of rejection and so haven't tried doing anything that she might not like. But TRUST me... if she's out with you she EXPECTS you to try stuff... she'll even be disappointed if you don't attempt something.

Hold her hand briefly, then let it go. Hug her when she makes you laugh, then push her away. Read her palm while warmly touching the soft skin on her hands. Let her know through your touch, how good you are at touching. Then finally, after a happy moment together, kiss her softly. Then let her go like it was completely natural and nice.

MORE INFO:

Relationships flow through specific stages... Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy.

The reason many guys end up in the "friend's zone" is that they completely skip the most challenging stage (attraction) because they're too focused on the Rapport Stage (connecting, sharing, being friendly.)

And if you skipped the Attraction stage you can't ever find your way into the intimacy stage (sex, love, romance, etc.)

Typical Scenarios:

- You've gone on too many dates without having had kissed her yet. More than two dates is too many.

- You don't tease her. You don't make her laugh. She doesn't hit your arm cause you said something too low brow.

- There's no sexual innuendos, there's no flirting, no danger of rejection.

The Attraction Stage happens in the first 5 minutes. It's about teasing her, making her aware that you're High-Value, not easy impressed, and that you're still uncertain if she's as awesome as you hope she is.

Attraction is about building tension. Rapport is about lessening the tension. Sexual Intimacy is about pumping the tension up and down... over and over again... ;)

Sooooooooooo... how do you go back and convert a friend into a lover?

You stop building rapport (Google the word if you're unfamiliar with it) and you start building tension and attraction again.

Cut off all communication suddenly, for a week, or for what ever length of time that she'll really FEEL the space you've created. This helps her "wonder what's up."

Then surprise her with a night out with you... dinner, drinks, dancing, then a late movie at your place. Learn the stages of seduction (go online again and LEARN!) and seduce her. It only takes one night if you're already friends, to build huge attraction.

I know this works because I've turned at least 4 "friends" into lovers doing this exact thing.

I hope this helps!

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

ryanontario · Accepted Answer

i've been thru this as well and suspect your waiting too long to ask them out or just not making your romantic interests know to them at all . or there's just some reason they don't see you as boyfriend material , maybe your not in shape or work a really low paying job , it could be a possible reason .or maybe your friends with really hot girls or just girls who have outrageous standards for guys , know I've been thru that one as I meet many hot girls over the years but I'm just not at there level or what there looking for in a guy . if I was more in shape and working full time I could of dated some girls who'd be 10 out of 10 by now but that hasn't been the case for me

aidsleen · Answer

well man, I didn't read the answers cos well I have a better one, its one word.

Confidence

trust me man I found out how important it is, I used to get no attention in that way, but I became confident and in the last month, I had a 2 taken girls want me (really hot ones) and a gorgeous girl that was just too young (being a teenager age is a huge factor) 3 chicks at a party, and a bout 7 others. I literally had to keep the girl that was too young out of my pants.

anyone else say what you will but confidence is what you are looking for.

not an easy task though, but not too hard

Standingpretty · Answer

What your problem is the fact that you "simmer" to long in the friendly zone that you become just a friend. You can't be aquantences to long with a girl because if you wait too long that's when you go into the friend zone. Try being just aquantences with a girl you like and then asking her out about 2-3 weeks after you get to know her a little, and before she puts you in the friend zone. Also, you want to show your interest, you may think you are showing it but sometimes it's just not showing through! try touching her arm when you're talking to her, or coming up with any excuse to get "touchy" with her(not in a sexual way). Drop hints that you like her. Also, always stand up straight and have good posture and look like your happy to be around her even if you're not having a good day that day. Hope this helps!

s3tupMayne · Answer

Just don't take so long to express your sexual desires. Nobody gets offended if you let them know you are attracted to them sexually as well as personally. I consider myself an attractive guy and I do well with women and I still have to try very deliberately to stay out of the friend-zone. It's pretty much a trap anybody can get stuck in!

Really, just do everything you can to help women see you in a sexual light. Flirt, tell them what you find sexy about them, take care of yourself so you look good, tell them what's attractive about their personality, whatever you can think of. Biology is on your side after all, but if you repress biology then those feelings are going to go elsewhere!

ibej818 · Answer

Ok, I'm not a chick, but have a lot of experience with this subject.

If I get the vibe from a chick that she would be a good companion, then I tend to befreind her first, to get to know her a little better, without oozing "possible relationship" vibes.

You gotta act like a man, that being said, do not tell her "I like you" or "i have feelings for you".

I know it's tough not to,(I broke my own rule a few days ago) but the moment you give her time to think about you in that way, she'll default to the easiest answer "Can we just be freinds?"

If you start liking a girl that has put you in the "Friends zone" you have to act ASAP! the longer you wait, the more clingy, and pathetic you'll become.

Just slowly get closer to her physically, small body contact at first, then, get closer face to face and if the moment is right (Like she's smiling, blushing or intense eye contact) try and kiss her.

I know, I know it's hard, but you gotta do it. Jump outa the FZ and be a man.

augustine_64 · Answer

...How do I put this? How do you tell the different. What I mean is how is one of your girlfriends different from one of your friends. That's only the begaining think about it how many girls do you have as friends and have you ever said yes to the line "let's just be friends." we all hate it but it's kind of a trick you think if I'm friends with her then maybe she can help out with my relationships. When the plan fact is you probably want to be more later on. Don't say yes. Trust me just walk away. I know it sounds cold hearted but trust me you already hate it. Girls like attention they like fixed eyes even if they don't like it. Don't be those eyes. Just ignore them if you can and if they ask why your doing it explain this way "my friendship can not just stay as is. Without the idea that it will possibly be something more." they'll get your point. If not just say it "I can't be your friend."

really123 · Answer

listen... a buddy of mine is just like you... he always crosses the friend line... and once you cross that line there is no going back... when you meet a potential girl that you are interested in you need to show her signs that you are interested ... when you are hangin out with these girls you need to be more playful and touch them every so often ... like touch their arms legs wut ever... and make sure you look at them like your interested ... also make sure you pick up on their signs because if their not interested ...or you already crossed that line... your now that creepy guy lol ... and when you first meet a girl take her some where with people first like a movie dinner or a party... that will get you guys to feel more comfortable around each other... o and by the way... if your not makin her laugh... she will definitly not be interested and now your looked at as a friend.

Skie_51 · Answer

It's just the way you have approached females. If you are looking for a girlfriend (as in want to start a relationship), then start flirting with her from the beginning, and make your move fast. This is because after they will just think that you aren't interested in them.

Also, another reason might be that maybe you're just not meeting enough new girls for you to actually choose from as "the girl." So, I suggest going out and meeting new girls, just to add to your circle of "flirt- zone" girls.

roster101 · Answer

I learned awhile ago you don't date you're friends. So if you're pulling from girls you are already friends with, perhaps they feel the same way I do. I also learned awhile ago, friends don't kiss. That's what seperate friends and boyfriends. Try just going in for the kiss with the girl you're friends with, it gets your feelings out there and potentially gets you out of the friend zone. Good luck

audreymarie21 · Answer

all it takes for me is lack of romantic chemistry... so I honestly feel that if you are in the 'friend zone' then it's because you should only be friends with them.  when the right girl comes along, and there is chemistry, you will not be in the friend zone. I promise  =)

H0000 · Answer

do you like any girl now? if not of course they are all in a friends zone.

to ur question.i don't think being too nice has anyting to do with it. I extremely don't like boys being cold. I don't like chasing boys.i hope they can initiate. be firendly and,be easy. why not..i won't stop liking him for him being easy. why would I want to tired myself out for getting a boy?

Thedesendent · Answer

Well first and foremost is looks which determines how soon we put you in the flirt zone. Second is charm, Third is personality-which by this time your either in the friend zone or we have left lol Fourth is compatibility, if you get along, like each other, and want to go ahead, that's when we punt you into the flirt zone :D

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

you got to risk friendship. I have at least 2 guy friends who are in the friendzone, why? it's because they just never asked me out a nice place and they just like playing it safe. plus the way you dress, I guess I do care who a guy looks. and also just talking to me often, gets my attention. you got to be straightforward sometimes, got to have initiative

felicia · Answer

If he's funny, relaxed, confident, interesting and shows a lot of interest in me (not just what I say but also how I look) - or alternatively if he happens to be very similar to me - then I start thinking about him. Then it will all depend on whether I feel the chemistry... But I won't know if the thing is going anywhere, and won't pursue it unless he finds an opportunity to kiss me (which would work better than him saying he likes me).

tex151 · Answer

More than likely it is because your too personal with them, if you get buddy buddy with a girl guess what your going to be there buddy, a person they can talk to and whine to about all their little problems, these are problems that guys should care less about. Women don't talk to me about all their problems in life bc, well I don't care and they know I don't care. I am the last person they will use as a shoulder to cry, but I am the person they want to go on a date with if I ask them.

Tiaracutie123 · Answer

the thing that puts guys in the friend zone for girls is when they picture you more as a brother then a  boyfriend if you want to avoid this you should flirt with her instead of holding back and being shy and joking around show her you like her cause if you don't she will think you only want to be friends and once your in the friend zone its hard to get out of it

kcmurphy · Answer

for me you have to be a smooth talker you can have all the great traits but if you can communicate like a normal person or crake a joke once in a while ull immediatly hit friend zone an eventually nothing. lol try the cheesy pick up lines lol sometimes they do work girls love dorky funny guys works like a charm

AtomizerJr · Answer

I agree with bobair. Guys who end up the friend zone usually put themselves there because they act like a friend, not like a boyfriend.

cdls0809 · Answer

dude... wow, I'm in the EXACT same boat... good luck to u

flakiz628 · Answer

Maybe your too much of a nice guy? Just like men, woman like to work for their guy... maybe you make it too easy for them?

Haykiins · Answer

it's the step when we know that we aren't interested or the guy doesn't seem interested so we give up on it and move on

david22996 · Answer

I will try it out on a girl that just put me in friend zone. I am not afraid of rejection.

Always end up in the friend-zone? Why?

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