My boyfriend and I love eachother but I can’t trust him?

[Anonymous]

He would make the perfect boyfriend. He’s also really caring, generous, handsome, smart and tries to take care of my needs. But because he’s handsome, he would look at a girl and the girl would automatically try to be around him and it makes me self conscious. I know he attracts girls easily cuz he’s charming. He also stated he likes when I’m jealous which is a red flag. He used to look at girls and I told him, he stopped but I noticed sometimes. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but he tried to stand or be closer to atttactive girls. He says I’m pretty beautiful but it feels to me he wants attention from other women.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooof girl, that's a tough situation. On the one hand, it sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you and treats you well. But those trust issues are definitely understandable too if he's openly admitting to liking the jealousy and you've caught him being flirty with other girls sometimes. That would make any girl feel insecure. A couple things though - he might not realize how much his actions actually hurt you. Most guys can be clueless about that stuff. And pretty girls will always throw themselves at attractive guys, so that's not really his fault either. My advice would be to really sit down and have an honest talk with him about how his behavior makes you feel. Let him know it's kinda straining the relationship if he isn't more careful. Set clear boundaries too, like no openly flirting or leading other girls on. If he respects you, he'll listen. But you also have to choose to trust him unless you see real proof he's cheating. Relationships take work from both sides. I'd give it an honest try working it out before throwing in the towel, as long as he's willing to meet you halfway. But don't settle for less than you deserve - your happiness matters most!

[Asker]

Yes but he said in his culture being jealous means your partner loves you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh really? Hmm that's an interesting perspective I haven't heard of before. Just because that's the culture doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy though.

I'd be careful not to use that as an excuse if his actions are still making you feel uncomfortable or disrespected, you know? At the end of the day, what matters most is how you both feel in the relationship.

Maybe you could have another talk with him, tell him while you understand his view, jealousy doesn't make you feel good personally. See if there's a way you can both show your love and care without any mind games or distrust. A good relationship is about compromise.

And don't let the "his culture" thing make you question your own feelings - they're still valid! Why not try focusing more on trust, honesty and loyalty instead of what he says jealousy means? Actions speak louder than words.

I'm sure if he cares about you, he'll want to find a way for both of you to feel secure and respected. Keep the communication open and trust your gut - that usually doesn't lie! I'm sure you'll figure it out as long as you're true to yourself 👍

[CuriousHubby]

Sorry but your right and you know that you don't want to be that wife!

Your being smart and fighting with your heart! It's easy to give into but you know how unhappy you will be!

How it will be a stab to your heart every time he happily makes you jealous! Till one day he cheats

[Asker]

Yes right now I’m too attached to him to let go, I’m sure things will fizzle out and one of us will get bored of eachother. But I have a feeling this relationship will ruin my self esteem even more. And I don’t know what to do about it

[CuriousHubby]

Well you took a big step and it might just be that you need to block him for your own self.

He sure is ignoring you manipulating you to wanting him again when he comes back!

[Asker]

Yes he calls me everyday and wants to see me all the time but won’t change his toxic behaviour.

[CuriousHubby]

Then it's time you thought of yourself and feelings not the high of this guy as it ends!

[hanabunny]

Unfortunately the problem with dating a guy who is handsome, charming, etc. is that other girls can see that too and you just have to trust him not to entertain them. There are conversations you can have about establishing boundaries and building more trust but ultimately you do have to let certain feelings go on your end even though it's hard. Like you have to get rid of the desire to hide him from the world.

Him liking your jealousy may not be a big deal, it depends. As long as he's not intentionally making you jealous for his amusement or something or crossing boundaries you have on purpose then he may just find it cute that you want him all to yourself. It's better than the possible alternative of him flipping it on you and calling you the red flag for being insecure and jealous.

I understand the urge to want him to just be all about you but lets be honest standing near other women or glancing at them in public is nothing. Flirting with other girls or having a "work wife" or following a bunch of girls with bikini pics on social media, those are more serious red flags.

[Wise4myage]

Then you might as well break up.