Is It Too Early to Ask for Exclusivity in an LDR?

[Anonymous]

There's a girl I really like, and we've been messaging each other daily since April. We've already met once, and we're planning to meet again next week.

Our messages are always long, and we have weekly calls that usually last around 2 hours. Our first meeting lasted from early morning until late afternoon.

Do you think it would be too soon to talk about exclusivity on our second date? For context, I teach and she studies in different cities. She also works, and I have a second job. I'm pretty sure we'd hang out more in person if we were closer, but our work schedules would still be tough to manage.

I really want to ask her this IRL and not in a call or message even if it is too soon, I rather wait for the 3rd meetup.

[WindAtMyBack]

Are there any serious and realistic plans for long distance to become short distance? If not, then forget about exclusivity and move on. If you have any hopes of a real relationship in the future, then one of you MUST move. If that is not in the cards, then move on.

A LDR is not a real relationship. It's just wishful thinking. It has to become a SDR.

You should not be talking about exclusivity. You should be talking about moving. And if you are in different countries, that also means talking about visas, etc. Because that can put a stop to everything.

[Asker]

She is studying at the moment, but once she finishes, she's willing to move. We were discussing it generally not specifically moving to be with me but she is open to it. We are in the same country, just in different cities, a good 3-4 hour travel.

[RavVid]

Frankly I want clean hands going into a relationship and want the girl to have clean hands too.

Now we might assume our thoughts on a serious exclusive relationship is the girls thoughts also but that isn't necessarily so. Especially when the message to girls is date multiple men at the same time.

I'd say something like i am looking for a serious relationship, not a flirtation, how about you? if a positive response then suggest it be exclusive. I think you can do this in a voice call or next week on the second. Raise it when you are interacting positively together and let that be the outward motivating factor.

Good luck.

If she doesn't want to be exclusive then she isn't the girl for you.

[JSkye]

If you want to be exclusive, then that is a conversation you need to have early.

I am polyamorous myself, but I always assume exclusivity when going from no partners to one. If I am already dating someone though, I make it clear that I am polyamorous right away.

Communication in this area is critical for any relationship. Not everyone will have the same expectations (or even the same definitions) on what being exclusive even means.

[bobalife]

Given you’ve been talking for a long time since April and finally met, I don’t think there’s a harm on asking if you feel ready :) but be open and respectful if she’s not ready yet. Goodluck! ☺️

[BetaBucks]

I didn't read the explanation because it's literally never too early to ask for exclusivity. If I've spent even one minute with a girl I'm dating, I will 100% end the prospects of an LTR if she dates or fucks anyone else. It's one standard I would never compromise. But I never asked for it. I'd just stay silent and let them ruin the relationship. You might be better off doing the same. It's a good test to see if she's actually down for you.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

LDR is not in question here, LDR is not a passport for non-exclusivity lol, LDR is Long Distance Relationship, it's a relationship anyway! Like any relationship, you discuss the rules and terms of this relationship, if you believe the rules are not explicit enough already, discuss the implicit with your girl. Discuss everything, anytime, with your girl, damn!

Just, maybe not 24/7, strike a balance !

[BadApple69]

Yes too early. That’ll only make it seem like you want to own her.


And I hate to say this but from my experience LDRs don’t work.

[Asker]

May I ask why you think it's too early? Are there too few meetups? When do you think the right time would be?

[BadApple69]

Consider your meetups as dates. Forget about phone calls or text messages…. You’ve only had 1 date. Second coming soon.
What my thing is…. Girls don’t want to be owned. So don’t even ask to be exclusive. Never ask that. Build the best possible relationship with her and make it so wonderful that she won’t think about anyone else.
In this world we are all in competition for everything…. Be the best or someone else will come along and they will be the best and take her from you. Don’t ask for a promise from her to be true to only you after 1 or 2 meetings.
Know this…. Promises are broken, and married people cheat. Don’t ask for something that is meaningless like a promise.
After a few more meetings you can tell her that you only have eyes for her (or some other corny line) that says you are exclusively hers… let her volunteer that to you (if she wants) but don’t ask it of her.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I think it's a great idea to let her know how I feel. If she feels the same, she can express it too.

[BadApple69]

Good luck!

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i wouldn't get myself into the shit if exclusivity wasn't the goal. So yea bring it up

[Staximus]

You're dumb. Find a girl nearby who you can see whenever you want.

[Asker]

I understand it would be easier to find someone closer, but why would I start looking for someone new when I feel like I've found the one? Of course, if she doesn't feel the same, then I'll begin searching for someone closer. But if distance is the only "problem" that can be fixed much easier than if the problem is with the person.

[Anonymous]

Pass