Guys, what if you meet a very attractive woman whom you start to like, but she can't have children? What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Imagine meeting a woman you find both mentally and physically attractive, but she reveals she can't have children due to natural complications. How would you respond? Would you still be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with her, or would you walk away? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation.

[Summeroflove]

It’s a hard decision to make but you just have to know that every person just ain’t meant to be, what’s important is compatibility. I do want to start a family as well as have children of my own, but if I just knew that she was meant to be I might be able to put that aside. If we chose to adopt, or chose to just be childless that would be a discussion.

Look, I don’t know if you’re infertile or it’s a hypothetical question that you’re asking but if you are infertile (or somebody reading this who is) I know it’s hard and please do understand that someone not pursuing a relationship doesn’t mean they’re judging you as a human being it just means it’s not meant to be. They’re looking for something different and not being able to have kids or their own is a dealbreaker. It doesn’t make you lesser or a person to not be fertile but I cannot imagine going to the doctor and being told this. It has to hurt.

If it was somebody I was just deeply in love with and she didn’t know she was infertile and just found out. There would need to be serious talks I wouldn’t just stop loving her, absolutely not. But we would need to see if this relationship is going to work long term of if we need to find someone new who is a better fit for both of us. That’s sometimes the hardest thing to do but it’s not only best for you but also your partner.

If I married her and she found out after, then she’s my wife I have to love her and support her through anything and I would expect a woman I’m with to do the same. We would figure it out together even though it would be hard. But just do understand that when I do decide to marry it will be someone I’m sure I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I do think couples should ask one another hypotheticals though and think through things. Sure, it’s a hypothetical question and you would only know if you were in that situation what you would do. But it’s a bonding experience really as weird as it sounds. You can ask “what would you do if you found out I was infertile” and then have a discussion on how you would to about that situation.

[Summeroflove]

It’s not to mention there are sterile men as well out there. There’s men who don’t want kids. Men open to adopting. The list goes on

[Asker]

Everything you said makes sense, Summeroflove. Unfortunately, I'm one of those cases where I can't have children, but there are situations in life that we can't control. Like you said, we should communicate with each other beforehand and understand if it's possible to develop a stronger relationship with other alternatives, like adoption, or if it's okay to not have children at all. Not everyone feels the same way about having kids.

[Summeroflove]

Absolutely correct it can be a hard situation to have and a lot of people hide things until it comes out later on and becomes a much bigger problem.

[Asker]

I would never do that to someone I start having feelings for. It feels like you're betraying their trust. Honesty above all.

[Summeroflove]

It really is and it shows you have a good heart

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I'm committed to becoming the best version of myself every day.

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome and nobody is perfect. You can only be the best you can be and hopefully find someone who loves you where you are but also pushes tou. But you do the same for him too

[Asker]

Thank you so much Summeroflove.

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[Summeroflove]

Thanks for MHO

[Asker]

You're welcome!

[Anonymous]

It depends on where I’m at in my life. If I’ve already had children and I don’t want more than I’d be ok w that as long as everything else about her is good, especially mentally. Now if I was at a stage where I wanted kids than most likely no I couldn’t be w her. I’d find someone who wanted kids who was capable of giving me that. If I wanted more kids in addition to the ones I already had, I wouldn’t be opposed to adopting.

[Asker]

That makes sense. Thank you for sharing!

[OlderAndWiser]

I married her. It ended 17 years later for reasons unrelated to her inability to have children.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[Drewtate]

If I had kids I would be ok with it.

[NamerOfStars]

Sure- but then, I don't want kids. And if I changed my mind, I'd adopt; I've got some stuff in my genes that I REALLY don't want to pass on.

Plus, at my age I'm starting to see that I couldn't keep up with a toddler; adoption lets you dodge that, as well as give some hope to an older orphan, who I'm told rarely get families, since everyone wants babies. Better for everyone.

[Asker]

This is so lovely to read. I agree with you 100%. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[Quidthonian]

I would be interested in her. I would support her. I am 45, never married, never had children. At my age I feel it is too late to start a family. When the kids are 20, I will be 65 (and retiring). I am hoping that Its OK for her to have sex though.

If that is your sitiuation, you may DM me if you feel comfortable.

[Asker]

There are always exceptions, and that's okay. Yes, unfortunately, I'm one of those who can't have children. Not every woman was destined to bring life into the world, but that shouldn’t be seen as negative. Life is too short to feel sorrow for what we can't control.

[Quidthonian]

Thank you for a wise response.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It solely depends on how much the guy is clinging to spawn a family, considering your age, you're in the range where most guys want the baby now, have already one, or never wanted one. So, I think the stats are playing in your favor :)

[Asker]

Yes, it's true. Most men in their 30s are more inclined to have kids. Unfortunately, I'm not healthy enough to bear children, but I wouldn't mind adopting at all.

[Berethor]

I think that I would leave her, that's one of the reasons I don't want to date an old woman.

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/age-and-fertility

[Asker]

I understand, but it’s important to remember that a younger woman may also be unable to have children. That’s not something that only applies to older women.

[DrPepper12]

Depends where I am in my life and I hope this info comes to light in first 4-6 mos if dating otherwise it's cruel.

[Asker]

Of course. What you said makes sense, and the person should always have consideration for the other and be as transparent as possible.

[exitseven]

Having kids or not was not a dealbreaker for me. I was pretty much open to either.

[Asker]

That's great. Thank you for your comment.

[bowenw]

If we both wanted children we would find another way, such as adopting.

[Asker]

That's amazing. Thank you for your comment!

[BoopBoopBeep]

Probably throw a party. Works out great. I don't want kids.

[Asker]

Haha, your comment made me smile! Thank you.

[Summeroflove]

So that’s really the thing there’s someone
For everyone (at least most people) if someone’s respectful and breaks off something it’s just not meant to be.

[Asker]

@Summeroflove you've absolutely right.

[Anonymous]

I'd have a lot of unprotected sex with her. A LOT! And just see how it goes.

[Asker]

Don’t forget to use protection to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

[Opinion Owner]

If it's a woman where whether or not she can have kids is even REMOTELY a consideration, I'd presume we'd have worked out STDs and all by then. So yeah--it would be a LOT of unprotected sex with her.

[Anonymous]

If I were younger and still unmarried, I would be strongly reinforced in my longing to be her boyfriend, and sexual partner

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion!

[LiamJHayden]

Date her if she is open to it. I'm congenitally sterile.

[Asker]

I understand. I'm in a similar situation too.

[scott04sa22]

Depends on the situation and the women

[Asker]

Okay, it’s understandable.

[noohair]

I am 70. Not looking for more kids.

[Asker]

I understand.

[Anonymous]

What are the complications?

[Asker]

It can be due to many factors, such as issues with ovulation, mental health conditions, and more.

[Opinion Owner]

Well what I'd do would hinge on that.

[Asker]

Sounds plausible. Thank you for your comment.

[abc3643]

I married her.

[Asker]

That's cute. Haha

[Ladsin2]

Would likely be a dealbreaker for me.