Is married Coworker being nice or flirting?

[Anonymous]

Married 38M coworker likes me 33F? First off, let me say that I have no intentions on talking to a married man, or dating a coworker. I have a boyfriend too. However, I'm not sure if my new trainer/coworker is just being nice to me or if he is trying to flirt with me. I recently began a job about 1 month ago. My married trainer/coworker introduced himself then immediately forced Starbucks coffee upon me on day 1. This was after I said, I'll just drink the coffee at the office but he was very insistent I guess to welcome me? (In my head it's because I am not trying to accept gifts from men) he's goes out his way to talk to me every single day all day about things that's not even work related such as his property he’s purchased and cars he’s paid off.. Within the same month of me getting hired, my birthday had passed. I guess he felt bad that he forgot and was really insistent on ordering/buying me lunch although I turned it down he got me food anyways. Something tells me he didn't do this for the other people that he's trained. He also forced me to try on his hoodie in case I get cold even after I told him that I will get my own jacket but he helped me put his jacket on anyway. so I'm just not sure if that's just him being nice. I understand he's supposed to be training me, but he goes out his way all the time to talk to me about random conversations with lingering eye contact, he often stands really close while talking to me, anytime he sees me talking to another coworker he pulls me to the side and talks crap about them but smiles in they face lol. It's like he's trying to isolate me for whatever reason he hasn't text me anything inappropriate, but he did state twice that “customers wants to talk to pretty girls like me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that whole situation seems super sketchy and uncomfortable. I don't blame you for feeling weird about it. That guy is definitely crossing some boundaries and his behavior is definitely inappropriate, especially since he's married! Forcing you to take that coffee and lunch when you said no, and making those comments about your looks, is just creepy. And then isolating you from the other coworkers by talking crap about them - big red flag! It's one thing if he's your trainer and wants to show you the ropes of the job, but it seems like he's taking it way too far and being unprofessionally personal. The lingering eye contact and standing too close is definitely flirty too. I wouldn't want some married dude hitting on me at work, that's for sure. You said you have a boyfriend too, so this guy needs to back off and respect that. Have you tried just being straight with him and saying you're not comfortable with how close and flirty he's acting? Maybe that will get through to him if he's too dense to take the hints. If not, I'd probably say something to the actual boss or HR, you know, just to let them know what's up so they're aware of the situation. Even if you don't make a formal complaint yet, it's good to have it documented just in case this guy keeps crossing lines or anything worse happens. Don't want to find yourself alone with him if he won't respect your boundaries. Better to nip this in the bud before it gets even weirder. Trust your gut - if something feels off, then it probably is. Stay safe!

[Asker]

Hey thank u so much! I feel like I was just overreacting and that he was just being super nice I been working at home for years by myself so now I been working back into the office and I’m getting back into the grooves of things

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, don't second guess your instincts! It's always better to be safe than sorry in situations like this. I totally get it can be awkward to adjust to office dynamics again after working alone for so long.

But just because he's nice sometimes doesn't mean his other behaviors aren't sending up red flags. No need to confront him or anything yet, but please keep an eye out. Don't be alone with him if you can help it.

And remember, you don't owe him any special treatment just because he's training you or being friendly. Set clear boundaries - you're there to work, not make friends! If he pushes them, that's on him.

Stay strong, sis. Girls gotta watch each other's backs in jobs like this. Let me know if you need anything else, 'kay? You've got this!

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome

[strateguy632]

He is too bossy, red flag.

He showed he cares but that is not flirting just caring.

[Asker]

Thanks because everyone says he is sooo mean but he’s nice to me. One guy that he trained recently approached me yesterday and asked why is he so mean I’m like I don’t know but he’s nice to me