How to unlearn "bad taste" in men?

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's fair to say that everybody has personal tastes regarding anything subjective; hence, I don't see it as an issue when such preferences are projected onto your choices in people too. My question is: after realizing you have 'bad taste' or tend to pick the wrong ones—there are many ways to discover this; for me, I notice it when they say similar things or act in similar ways—how can you not? I've known that the type of guys I LIKE suck for as long as I've been into guys. Before, I thought there was a way of doing better—I would choose the ones that were the furthest from what I initially wanted or the ones I thought I didn't like—but they would end up being the same. I don't know if there's a way of making better decisions regarding dating; I'm just throwing this out there, hoping that somebody will have an answer.

[hahahmm]

What I noticed about people who always pick the wrong person is that they are seldom single. You need time between relationships to think and reflect.

Have long term life goals. If everything is about the short term/immediate future it's a lot easier to make bad choices. Your emotions are then the only thing really directing you. Once you have long term goals, then you need to remind yourself not to do ANYTHING that goes against reaching your long term goals. Just like if you wanted to get in a car and drive from point A. to point B on a 2 day trip over a well known obvious road, it would be silly to take a detour in the opposite direction into an unknown place with no GPS/maps.

Look at people who are older than you and don't have what is in your long term goals. Remind yourself not to make the same mistakes they made. And don't take their advice seriously unless that advice is 'don't make this mistake I made' or 'do XYZ because it's better than the stupid choice I made'.

You probably have family/friends who were right about every single sucky boyfriend you ever had and you ignored their advice. Start listening. Put the ego away and start giving a lot of weight to the opinion of people who were always right when you were wrong.

Stop listening to people your own age unless they have a LONG HISTORY of being in a good relationship. The people your own age who just have a long list of failed relationships aren't going to do you any favors when giving you advice, either out of jealousy or ignorance.

Most women like getting traditional benefits from guys. The guys who give the best traditional benefits are traditional types themselves & they value traditional type women the most. It's a hint, if you're looking for that. A lot of my mytakes are from that perspective too.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

There are two questions in one here: First one, about unlearning, it cannot happen easily because you would first have to understand what is it you have learned, what you internalized without knowing. That is the process of learning who you are and that can take time, or a lifetime, since this is also continuous learning lol.

Second one: How to select people, either for romantic interest or friendship. On this point, you already have great answers from @LiamJHayden and @summeroflove

[Summeroflove]

Thanks

[Asker]

Thank you! Great take on the unlearning aspect of my question, I guess it always comes down to knowing yourself.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah well unfortunately a lot of people just suck and there are plenty of sucky women who will make these dudes miserable.

Nobody is perfect, but the best thing to do is date and take your time to genuinely get to know someone and see if he’s right for you and vice versa. It can be hard but it’s better to wait frankly it’s better to be alone in peace then miserable with someone whose horrible. Some people just don’t have the patience for that though.

[Asker]

Thank u. You're so real for that, I really do hope karma's a thing and they get what they deserve...

[Summeroflove]

Asker most of them do in the end. Letting two toxic people make one another miserable can be entertaining.

There’s better people out tjerrn

[sawno]

The big question is what do you fall for? Because there is no answering where the mistake is if you don't share what the kind of men are you are going for. Lets say you judge solely based on confidence for example, and the guys your going for approach and are super confident and smooth talkers. There's only one way they can do that, not caring and practicing a lot so that would preselect the guys most likely to treat you poorly.

I suspect its something like that, or a certain way you present yourself that makes the wrong type of men think they have a chance with you while scaring off the right type of men. (For example being very make-up heavy and revealing instead of casual and approachable).

[LiamJHayden]

Make a list of traits you find dealbreakers, then negative and positive. When you meet someone new, before diving in, start checking the list. Dealbreaker means lose his contact info. Too many negatives, do the same.

[Asker]

Thank you! That makes a lot of sense. It's about proceeding carefully and smartly

[noohair]

Try new fishing grounds. If you look in the same place you will find the same type.

[Asker]

Great tip, thank you loads

[jahaims]

Go to therapy to learn how to be more introspective

[Anonymous]

Do you like to fish?

Because generally the bait you use determines the type of fish you catch. Hmmm. Have your ass hanging out and for some reason you attract the same type of guy. Can't imagine why that happened.😆

[Asker]

I sure was expecting some annoying man to come and blame me, lol. No shit, you think I'm the problem? Guess what? I already know I have a problem. TF are you talking about, lol! Why do you think I'm here asking dumbasses like YOU to give me their opinions? The thing is, your misogyny didn’t answer my question, nor does it help with the actual problem, which is: MEN SUCK SOMETIMES, and there’s no one to blame but yourselves. Next time, keep the nastiness to yourself because there are actually people willing to help instead of indirectly calling me a slut

[Opinion Owner]

Well I think it's pretty clear why no good men want you now.😆

[Asker]

Oh, cause you're their spokesperson now? LMFAO

[Opinion Owner]

No. Just older and wiser.😉 I see your type coming from a mile away.

[EnjoytheDay777]

I think it comes down to finding the right person.

[Asker]

Thank u. I see it, but the thing is that, to me, it doesn't seem like there's a right person because I'm always choosing the trashy ones... I think not all men are that bad, but maybe that's all I'll ever get

[EnjoytheDay777]

Anytime. Like maybe try to find a guy who loves hanging out with you, shares your interests.

[Danny_dan92]

Stay single

[Asker]

I've been for a bit. That doesn't answer the question, bro

[Danny_dan92]

Oh but it certainly does