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Would you be happy to continue dating if the other person didn’t want anything physical still after a long time like after 5 to 10 dates depending. Would you still be happy to go on the 10th date and not expect to get anything? Sometimes bonds can take a long time to happen. Do you think you need an emotional connection before having anything physical?
What kind of "dates" are these?
I view women that expect to be paid, to hang out, date, or send me noods (or whatever) as whores with extra steps. What she doing? using him for free meals and entertainment while he's being desperate for pussy and she knows it? She might as well be an OnlyFans cam chick if that's the case.
If she's not using him like a tool for free meals and entertainment and they just like to hang out (BOTH OF THEM)... I don't have a problem with that.
I mean chicks take me out and pay for everything, but at least I lick her pussy real good and fuck her until she just starts asking me to live with her because she wants to take care of me. I consider that a date.
If we're just hanging out and mutually having fun doing things together... that's just a friend unless something changes that and we get physical.
I need to know more about these so called "dates."
My man!
Well put my dude.
My personal beliefs mean no sex until commitment.
Why would a guy marry a woman if she is already acting as his wife, with no obligation or responsibility on his part? Also, women with high body counts tend to be seen as whores by men, and lose respect. But how many dates will a woman go on and have sex before finding "The One"? And why would she risk sex with someone on an early date who might have an STI/STD?
I could see a sexual compatibility test... once... before marriage, with the understanding that engagement and marriage is the intent very soon. And with the understanding that genuine incompatibility is rare. But much more than that, and I don't think the guy is serious about the woman. He's getting sex with no responsibility; why would he change anything?
In my opinion, a man who isn't willing to wait for a woman isn't in love with her. He's using her. Men make tremendous sacrifices for what they truly love.
@Red_Arrow I can see that, and I'm sure you were honorable. But there are so many situations where the girl is waiting on a guy who has no intention of marrying her, it's a concern.
I am genuinely curious, though. Culturally, we women are taught that the only thing a man cares about is sex. In order for a man to "prove" he isn't using us, he has to put some skin in the game. So, waiting until commitment is kind of an insurance policy, so to speak. To put it in crude terms, he has to buy the car before he can use it as his personal vehicle (no, I don't like the analogy either). The number of single mom households tends to bear this out. The condemnation of single moms for being "whores" and "stupid" is also not inspiring. Women who have slept with multiple men also are not seen as "wife material", and yet men won't marry women unless they can sleep with them first. But if they sleep with her first, the woman is seen as "easy", regardless of whether she become pregnant or not. I truly don't understand, but I'm willing to listen and hear another perspective. I am totally confused by how this works...
The simple answer is that not all men are the same. Some, maybe most, are the way you describe. I had sex with women before my wife, but none of them, or myself were interested in marriage to each other, and we used precautions. With my wife, we knew we were made for each other in less than a day. We were "officially" engaged in less than a month (officially meaning the ring on her finger and our wedding announced), and less than a month after that we were married. And it happily lasted till her death.
I also dated a single mom or two (can't remember that far back).
By the way the analogy back then was not about a car, but you don't get to drink the milk before you pay for it.
So in your case you date a guy and learn about him. You will need to make the decisions as to is he trustworthy, and how long to wait for him to make a commitment you can understand and feel. If he doesn't come through, it feels bad, but you may have to drop him and find a better person.
@Red_Arrow Thanks for the gracious response. I'll admit, dating can be a fearful thing. But you're right; not all men are the same.
I'm sorry for your loss; that's a tough thing to face.
If neither party are virgins... then the intent of the relationship for the man is exclusive access to sex with the understanding that he'll be responsible. And every man knows that there is a guy she didn't make wait. Make him wait... you'll end up in one of two categories. Single or with a man you don't respect.
@Ariesman81 I don't quite follow... If a woman makes a man wait until commitment for regular sex, she'll wind up either single or with a man she doesn't respect. Would you mind explaining your reasoning?
I'll be blunt. A man with self respect (an attractive man) has options. A man with options won't wait. So... generally speaking... a man willing to stay in the friend zone being fucked of his resources in hopes of getting laid is a sucker. And one you'll grow to resent and will never end up sleeping with anyway.
@Ariesman81 Whoa, whoa... I didn't say friend zone. That's totally not what I meant. No way would I do that. What I meant is we've dated, there's attraction and chemistry, and all the boxes have been ticked. There's a definite direction the relationship is going and we both know we're committed. I would never - have never - strung a guy along. That's a pathetic thing to do to a guy just to have a shoulder to cry on.
I'll share an example: The man I married was 6' 4", fit and active, had a skilled profession and a house. We worked together and fell in love. He was very selective about who he wanted as his wife, and I won that honor. We dated briefly and became engaged, then married and obviously had sex. He died a few years ago.
I think it's wrong for a woman to string a guy along. But I think it goes both ways. A guy can string a woman along just as easily. But I don't mean that a woman should date a guy and never communicate where the relationship stands, or involve him in a situationship. That's immature.
Then I bet he was having sex while waiting for you.
@Ariesman81 Nice try, but no. He was very naive, believe me. :)
Fortunately I'm not one them 😉
Yeah... I can see that being accurate. It usually stems from differing communication styles between men and women. The subtle nature of women and the directness of men. Just smack me in bed... I'll figure it out!
44
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANY GUY not wanting a physical/sexual with yiu
I would still date that person because I am someone that takes a long time to bond with another person and for me it's the mental and emotional connection that comes first. If that is non existent I can't sleep with another person physically because it just doesn't work that way for me.
oh that makes sense; I am the same way!
@morganherrel Glad to hear I'm not the only one!
Thank you!!
No, the only reason for that is to test someone. It is an arbitrary number, and by setting it you're saying "I want to sleep with you and feel safe, but I want to see how many hoops you'll jump through for me".
Fuck em, they can play in the sand box on their own. Unless they are legit like a Muslim virgin, and those dates are to meet the family and have an arranged marriage (I'm not Muslim, so this does not apply at all). So again, outside of arranged marriage, which we don't have in the west, it's a stupid game, do like Nancy Reagan would do, and just say no.
Opinion
42Opinion
Yeah it's 5 to 10 dates. Not a year. As long as those dates don't cost me money and I'm not paying for them each time; I see they're as invested in getting to know me as I am them, then I see absolutely no issue with that.
I will add that if I know they have a history of letting other guys get physically intimate much faster than me, I will not be cool with that. I will not be a cuck
If I really liked her and thought she was genuine, I might.
On one end I could respect that. But on the other this could there could a huge risk of friendzone bs. She could get too comfortable with the platonic attention and then deeply insult me with “can we just be friends” disgusting bs down the road.
I’ve had this happen more than once when I was younger. I treated a lady with respect, got to know her only for her to get too comfortable with the attention and less physically attracted to me. She will turn around a drop it fast for the first exciting asshole she meets.
You have no idea what kind of long lasting negative impact that can have on a man. No idea how insulting that is.
If they have a specific number of dates they mention, I would feel weird about that.
But if they said it takes time for them to feel comfortable to have sex and get physical, I would be okay with that. As long as I'm interested, and feel the same from them.
Yep. Personally, I prefer being friends before dating. In those cases, it can take a bit to get more comfortable.
I'm also fine with getting physical on date one, however. It depends on the people involved. If I was into something for more than just a hookup then I'd be fine with waiting.
That said, while they'd not owe me anything, if I found out they were hooking up with someone in the meantime I'd bounce. Not worth building a strong emotional bond if they're with someone else at the same time. Good way to get hurt.
Not if she's the type that fucked other guys quick and now "changed" making relationship moron wait. If she's a true "not ever unless she's in a relationship" then yeah, but to be the sucker "earning" sex while other guys had her after 20 minutes, not a chance.
I think you need to be more specific when you say "physical" I mean one end of the spectrum you have a peck on the cheek amd the other end you have sex. Where on the spectrum are you talking. Because after 10 dates if she won't even let me give her a peck on the cheek I would definitely question if she even liked me. But I'm probably still not sleeping with her even after 10 dates. Yes I need an emotional connection. But I also need a trust bond and that takes time.
Unlikely. If she isn't physically interested enough to want it with some priority I'd just take that hint for what it is.
Hard pass on that one. Life is too short.
m I am a pain to date as I need that emotional connection. This means quite a few dates of me playing hard to get. It can lead for interesting dates.
Definitely Yes. Both of them will be given enough time to get to know each other well.
Hmmm 😏 potentially - if I really liked the woman I'd probably hold out for 6 dates to be sure she's a woman I'd want to take to bed 🛏️ and I don't mean one night stands and pump and dump 😂😆
Nah I wouldn't want to waste time. I need the physical connection before even dating tbh
@Red_Arrow basically yes 😂 at the very least I'd need to see his dick. Can't waste time on a bad one
@Red_Arrow I'd choose all 3 😁
I think there is an -emotional connection with any physical connection. It may not be enduring or deep but it isn't simply friction and a spasm.
I'd be ok with that. I agree, I prefer to have that emotional connection before getting physical.
I understand some people are pretty reserved and won't just jump in bed right away, but I think if you haven't at least kissed them by the 10th date then there's no spark
Sure. I would make it point to NEVER touch them, and to push them away if they ever tried to touch me. A good lesson learned is gratifying for the teacher.
Good point. I wanna get laid on #10. If not, bye bye.
Yes!! That too! I want my eyes to see my brain.
yeah I don't know if I’m gay or not, pretty sure I might be like 90% gay, but I’ve been dating this girl for a fat minute and we haven’t had sex and I don’t even want to.
Nah I think it's perfectly reasonable and smart if I'm being honest. And it's not like too much.
I wouldn't consider 10 dates to be a long time. I think people are too quick to get physical and don't spend enough effort to get to know someone intellectually/emotionally.
Of course. Provided she's using that time to get to know each other and build a connection. If I get the feeling she's just using me for a free meals, entertainment, and to buy her things, I'll walk away as quickly as possible.
sure.
If I found that I have feeling for her then of course I would wait.
No, it's a sign of playing games & prudishness. I want a woman who makes things fun, not make up hoops for me to jump through.
It would be ok, there would be a lot of jerking off after dates but she wouldn't have to know about that, unless she wanted to.
Interesting hypothetical. I'd say maybe. But bear in mind we're going on dates--we are NOT exclusive. Even so, she'd need to be VERY compelling to invest that much time.
I'd actually prefer it that way to be honest (:
I might. It depends on how much prospect for connection I think there is.
If it's for a serious relationship, I'd wait a few months. See if we connect mentally. Then get into the fun physical stuff.
If you mean no physical contact at all, no touching period? No, I can’t. I like to hold hands to much.
Agree it can take a while to bond. As long as you're reciprocal in other ways such as arranging and funding dates.
Yes, I would be fine with that, because then you can bond better
Sure. If she puts in effort to show up to a date and get to know me, so will I
Nah, my rule is 3 dates max. My times to valuable to waste on a random chick.
Lmao. 5 to 10 dates. That's not a long time.
Now if it was 5-10 years? Then I'd be concerned.
Honey the dating clock doesn't even start until you've touched my junk.
If it's just sex, then yeah. If it's everything physical, even intimacy, then no.
Of course I would, I'm still a virgin, I can wait for a long time, obviously.
I personally won't mind it
MY TYPE OF GUY
SIGN ME UP
Yeah sure why not? What’s the rush?
No. I wouldn’t
yes if she was nice and liked me.
I did , it took 2 months before we got intimate
As long as we clicked I would not care.
How do they know they don't want that?
Maybe depending if there is a connection
No, I wouldn't.
yes.
Yep no issues at all
Sure.
Sure!
Same
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