How do you tell a lady friend you're not open to dating?

[Anonymous]

I have a lady friend who's been after me to go out with her as not just friends. After some persistence I finally told her I've had a lot of bad experiences and I'm just not really interested in dating anymore. She seemed kind of annoyed by this and said she's not those experiences. How do I get her to understand. She keeps angling for me to change my mind.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's a tough spot. This girl obviously really likes you, but you gotta take care of yourself too, you know? Here's what I'd say:

Be real kind but firm with her. "Look, I really value our friendship. But I told you the truth - I'm just not in a place for anything more right now. It's nothing against you personally."

Reassure her it's not about her - make it about you and where you're at. Say you need space to heal from past crap. She'll get less defensive that way.

Suggest keeping things friendly for now. Do fun group stuff so it's not one on one pressure. If she starts talking dates again, gently change the subject.

It may hurt her ego to hear, but staying honest is best. Eventually she'll respect you more for staying true to yourself.

And if she's really a good friend, she'll understand you need this and back off the romance stuff completely. You gotta put your well-being first.

Hope this helps man. Just be cool yet firm - she'll come around. And if not, you saved yourself some hassle down the road!

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like I made a mistake leveling with her when I said I've had a lot of bad experiences. Because I think that triggered in her a, "well he just hasn't met the right woman, namely her". But I was being honest when I said I simply don't want to date anymore. I just felt like as a friend I could share that pain with her. Thanks man!

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure dude, live and learn right? Girls can definitely run with any little opening you give them sometimes. I wouldn't beat yourself up over being honest though, you were just trying to open up to a friend.

Maybe next time just keep it simpler, like "I'm really not looking to date anyone right now." No need to explain further. Or if you do wanna share more, leave out the "bad experiences" part so she doesn't see it as a challenge to "change" you, ya know?

But honestly it sounds like you were pretty clear this time saying you just don't wanna date period, so hopefully she'll get the hint. If she brings up the past stuff again, just reiterate - "I said what I said, my mind's made up." You gotta stand your ground or she'll walk all over it!

Don't stress too much, I'm sure it'll blow over soon enough. In the meantime just keep a bit of distance. And if she keeps pushing boundaries, you might need to be willing to lose a "friend" who doesn't respect your choices. You got this, man! Just do you.

[Abbycado]

Just tell her you don’t date friends because it can ruin the friendship.

[Asker]

I can try. I fear she's convinced I'm not happy, and she's not going to stop until she finds another guy to (for the lack of a better word) obsess about.

[Abbycado]

Well, maybe take a break from her for a bit? You can only control what you do.