Is dating a single mother with one child a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

[D_Bone_Steak]

Just how desperate are you for pussy to think this is worth it?

I just look at these situations with an objective eye for what you stand to gain and lose. You as a dude... what are you gaining? I can only objectively discern that the pussy has to be pretty good and I don't see any benefit of some other man's spawn running around, stealing your shit and taking it to school to give to his friends, and then giving you the "You're not my real Dad" argument every time you try to lay down the law.

I'm not just being a dick and making jokes here... I've lived this. It wasn't worth it and my only run-ins with the law was because of that little fucker doing the shit I just described already that lead to me spending 8 hours a day doing community service for almost a year... that's no job and all because he stole some throwing knives you never gave a shit about and put in a jewelry box on a top shelf and forgot about. The wife bought it... I don't have a thing for that shit. I have guns and shit and I lock that shit up.

Now, I've told this story before online... Youtube in particular, so I already know what POV is going to come at me about this. The blame game is all my fault. I deserved dealing with everything that fucking bastard put me through. I hear you already and I haven't clicked the "send it" button yet. So let me ask you cunts that is about to tell me what a piece of shit I am for not being an omnipresent force that knows everything, or for being a dumb cunt myself and thinking this was ever a good idea... what should've I done?

Even you fuckers that think what I did by stepping up and being some other man's Dad was honorary, you have no fucking idea what you're stepping into. I side with the guys that think I was an absolute retard because I was!!!

You might get lucky and that kid is a dream kid... but you might be me. I had multiple kids with that same woman and none of my full kids have even broke a law. Her bastard kid though... first arrest was in Kindergarten and I dealt with police fucking with me all the way until he got this one chick pregnant at 16. Plus my wife and I are military so if some of my punishments seem outlandish to you, you don't know shit about punishment unless you consider they control more that a civilian has to deal with.

I'm trying to make this clear so you dumb fucks will truly understand. I took a big "L" with that decision. I would never advise any of you to attempt what I did. IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. I did it though from about 3 years of his age and now he's 21... with a 3 year old child and he does nothing but work burger king jobs while my kids give me a run for my money at chess. I'm no dummy and I bet I'd whip any of you stupid fucks at chess. But put that aside, I was still dumb enough, cocky enough, to think it would be no big deal... he's just a 3 year old kid and I can manage it. Dad though, would take him for one weekend once every 2 weeks and all my discipline would go out the window and he'd come back after a night and half a day acting like a prison convict. <--It's that type of shit you're not thinking about if you think a single Mom is a good idea.

There is a lot of control factors when it comes to kids that will be out of your control. Like I said, you might get lucky and he or she will be a great kid... but you might not be so lucky like me either. And if you're just a cocky self stroking fuck that thinks you know it all (like I was) and think you'd handle it just fine... that's your gamble... not my problem.

It's not me, I wasn't a bad parent because my kids are all just fine. That kid wasn't mine from the start and there was too many influences on him. My kids... it's just me. No suspensions, not one visit from CPS, they're friendly and didn't try to scratch my wife's face off because she refused to take him to Grandma's house as A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD. It's nuts... and I didn't really understand what I was getting into.

Chapter 2: What kind of woman has a kid with a Dad that was obviously never going to be around?

I'm going to shorten this up because after my last rant... I don't want to torture you fucks. They're mostly not the best women. There is reasons she fucked that guy, and why he didn't stick around. You're just going to fuck around and find out why. Everything from getting cheated on while you watch the kids to deal with repercussions like I've laid out before are in your future. The smart fucks that think they can work kid magic might think they can fix a woman just the same... good for them (but I bet they can barely get laid). Cuck yourself out to that shit all you want and not heed my advice here.

Bottom line: You're going to get fucked one way or another. So go ahead if you want to... I'm just here, I've done it, and I'm telling you it can be done, but you would've avoided a lot of shit by just getting your own woman that wasn't already claimed by some other man's baby. Yeah you might get lucky... but you might end up just like me too.

So think about it real fucking hard before you dive into that endeavor.

[Passerby2]

a real man will never raise someone else's kid

[Asker]

@passerby2 why would a real man never raise someone else's kid?

[Lliam]

Not a bad idea at all, depending on your personality and future goals. Do you like kids? Would you like to be a mentor or father figure and treat the as your own? Would you have to help raise them and pay their expenses? There's nothing wrong with any of that if it's what you want.

When I was 36, I met a 30 year old. We wound up living together for almost two years. She was the first woman I ever loved with my heart and soul.
It turned out that she had a 13 year old son who lived out state with her ex. They had been divorced for 10 years but were on good terms. She was close to her son. They spoke a lot and visited each other regularly.

Her having a son didn't bother me in the least. He was a great kid.

But I wouldn't have been interested in dating a woman whose kid (s) lived with her.

I had been in a previous relationship with a woman for almost a year. She was divorced and shared custody of her four kids. We rented a house together so they could stay with us, which they did fairly often. The relationship was great at first, but turned into a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

It's not necessarily a bad idea. But keep in mind it not likely an accident that she's a single mother.

This is what most women fail to understand. Bad women do not like being held accountable for their actions. When a women is a single mom (except in the rare cases where the father of the child died) it's because she either chose poorly. Which kind some up her decision making ability. Orshe drove him away. Which sums up her ability to be an acceptable partner.

These are both red flags for guys. Any guy with self respect avoid women who display this. And being a single mom is typically a CLEAR indication of this.

To use a reverse analogy. You don't see too many women attracted to homeless guys do you? Why is that? Is it because he's homeless? Maybe. But it's more the reasons WHY he's probably homeless. It typically denotes a character flaw, maybe multiple character flaws. Maybe he's an alcoholic or has substance abuse problems, maybe he has untreated mental illness, maybe he can't hold down a job for various reasons.

Again a single mom is female version of a homeless man to a woman. Just generally a bad gamble for a guy.

[Asker]

I understand the red flags you indicated in your response but if it's just one child why hold it against her? I thought everyone makes mistakes. If she has multiple kids with multiple fathers that would definitely show she is a bad judge of character.

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone DOES make mistakes. But this is a BIG one. I never said a guy should knee-jerk reject a single mother. That's why I said it wasn't NECESSARILY a bad idea. But a guy should definitely treat a single mother with more suspicion. He should look at her harder.

[blueonblack22]

Only you can come to that ultimate decision.

But TBH I get real fed up with young women who chase asshole and get knocked up by asshole men.

Then they have a kid and all the sudden responsible “nice guys” are conveniently attractive to them.

I realize it’s not always that simple. I briefly dated a single mother who is a widow. Her late husband tragically passed away in a car accident. We are still good friends to this day.

I also respect women who decide to keep their babies. So I want to be careful about the “damaged goods” label.

But still I get real fed up with women who chase asshole men during their youth / physical primes, get burned bad for it and then turn around and conveniently use responsible men as “safety nets”. They often get bored with the nice guy too and are more prone to infidelity.

Anyway I would carefully analyze this woman. See what her past is like. And be careful because she might be a very good actress.

[lightbulb27]

no I married and she had two.

but you need to think about what you canhandle in the situation. If you have love to give and a roll to play, go forward.

Its probably easier than other girls, but comes with more challenges you must accept. It can be good, but you have to learn and understand your roll, that the child is priority.

Can you handle the x and their past relationship... is it over?

[hahahmm]

Yes. The only reason you're even asking is that you're interested in more than sex or you hope for something serious/deep. That means you're like a person who can very easily get hooked on hardcore drugs and you're asking if you should jump in a mountain of cocaine or not. I'm sure she's FINE AS HELL... that is exactly how she got the last guy. Beware. Try and exercise self control. it's a skill you can teach yourself but it takes effort.

[Starrrboy]

Yeah, cuz it's always gonna be her kid first, then you.. and the dad might show up in her life from time to time because they share a kid.. Why bother all that when you're still young with no baggage? Unless she's like " the one " and really your type, but what are the chances!..

[hahahmm]

True. And if she doesn't put the kid first it means she's a bad mom. If a guy is looking for serious (or serious possibilities) that should be a hard no. It's like you're going on a road trip and you turn onto a road with a dead end sign.

[Starrrboy]

@hahahmm yup.. exactly

[Levin]

Experience at work tells me these women choose bottom of the barrel men, who cause drama and are total knobheads for the duration of the life they are bound together with the kid. So at least 18 years.

[Asker]

What are you trying to say?

[Levin]

Well, it's up to you.

But honestly, the idea is not appealing to me.

The men are usually dickheads and there's no way of getting them out of her life.

[Fireguy17]

not really, unless the kid is being used as a pawn between both parents, then it is way too much drama.
Granted there will probably a few issues that pop up from time to time, but a constant never ending battle no thank you.

[Berethor]

If you dating a single mom it means that you desperate, single mom is never first choice.

[exitseven]

There are a few reasons why it is. A lot of guys do not want to raise somebody else's kid.

[Asker]

If you are dating the mom you don't have to raise the child

[exitseven]

If it becomes a serious relationship you have to be a part of the kids life

[LiamJHayden]

Insufficient info. Is she a wealthy widow with a well-behaved child? On assistance with a gang member baby daddy?

[Asker]

On assistance with a delinquent baby daddy?

[Asker]

Please disregard the question mark

[LiamJHayden]

Avoid. Wealthy and widowed or abandoned might be okay, but a possible lurking baby daddy and on assistance can spell physical danger if the guy is crazy and financial danger for you.

[shu2905]

Not at all at least its better she knows how yo take care of everything

[Twalli]

Not if you are okay with raising it and the kid likes you.

[OddBeMe]

Prob if you don’t like kids…depending on its age. And calling it an “it”.

[ManInChains]

I’ve been told constantly that it is a bad idea

[Asker]

Why is it a bad idea?

[Billlewis]

Of course not; it's a wonderful idea.

[zagor]

Depends on the specifics.

[jahaims]

Duh.

[Slim57]

Probably

[Asker]

Why?