Is dating a single mother with two kids by two different men bad?

[tryingtoknow14]

I just started to date this girl she has two kids 10 and 2 and she says that both of the guys were horrible, the first dad she said was abusive and she had to leave him then he doesn't want to see his kid. The second dad she said is a narcissist and he is horrible, I have seen him come and get his kid and she talks very bad about both of them. Is she a victim here or is this going to be a pattern with her?

[Anonymous]

It could of course be her, however unfortunately some people attract abusers more than others. Abusive and narcissistic people have a type. They go for people they feel they can manipulate, break down and be in control of. It’s not unusual for victims of domestic violence (including verbal/emotional abuse) to fall victim multiple times. They’ll sometimes escape an abusive/toxic relationship and then meet a wonderful and understanding new partner who seems to be great and who even tried to help build them back up, or even help them escape the relationship with the abuser, only to then make a 180 and also start abusing them (verbally/emotionally and/or physically). This makes the victim even more fragile and weak, as they think they did something that turned this wonderful person who helped them and would never normally do something abusive into this monster. So they stay with the new partner as well, thinking they are the ones at fault and if they can only do better their prtner will become the sweet guy/girl they were before (but obviously that sweet caring persona was just fake to lure the victim in). With that said, it’s also not unusual for narcissistic and abusive people to claim their ex is ”crazy” or talk about all the horrible stuff their ex did to them when in reality they were the ones who did those or other bad things to their ex. On the other hand people who have been through trauma or abusive stuff sometimes also talks about it a lot, as they need to process it. So you can’t really know for sure what is the truth when it comes to this woman and her exes. You’ll just need to move slowly with her and be on the look out for warning signs that she might be a liar or manipulator. I will say that the fact her kids are so far apart in age is a sign (just a sign, no guarantee) that she’s telling the truth and the exes were the problem. Often times unstable/narcissistic/abusive/manipulating people will go from relationship to relationship and tend to move quickly into that relationship and it’s milestones, for example having kids right away even after things JUST ended with their previous partner. While victims often tend to want to take things a bit more slow and careful as they don’t trust people anymore.

[AssholeNumberOne]

Probably a pattern. If she's badmouthing her exes when she barely knows you? Red flag.

[MCheetah]

Yeah, that's bad. She has poor taste in men, and if you're dating her, she probably thinks of you the same way. People don't really change. Also, why do you think so lowly of yourself that you have to be tasked with cleaning up her life mistakes? Is that something you really want?

But you can do what you want. I would just pay attention to the red flags and steer clear of such a person myself.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like a classic Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer (they always claim to be a victim like that). Run as far and fast away from her that you can. Even if she’s weren’t messed up, you don’t want to be anywhere near the dysfunction and chaos that surround people with such bad judgement. Never, ever date or give the time of day to a single mom with kids from multiple men.

[Anonymous]

You might find yourself caught for child support. Some women do really well from it. 3 different fathers means 3 different child support checks

[KrakenAttackin]

Bruh... she has more red flags than a Chinese parade. Whatever you do, do not get her pregnant and do not trust her when she says she is on the pill!

[MagicCarpet1]

It's very nice of you to date Monkeys. Give her a banana.

[Fuentes]

Pattern clearly, can't keep her legs closed or take a plan b abd probably loves collecting child support and playing the victim. I bet she cut the man out the kids life.

[Twalli]

They're enough apart in ages that she's not the type that flits from man to man once she gets pregnant.

[In_Trance]

wdym by bad? Are you having a good time? Do you enjoy each other's company?

[fireforeffect]

I have been there. The Fist/oldest child was as a result of rape. The Second from a marriage that ended in divorce.

[exitseven]

Sounds like a pattern. I would head for the hills.

[Honesttguy]

Be better off by yourself bro

[Berethor]

You really want all that baggage on your head?

[Guy13]

Nahhh. You can be 3 and look forward to 4.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Stay away from single moms.

[Sorbay]

If that’s what you like

[Shamalien]

Run.

[clemdenim]

Nope