Why is dating a single mother viewed as a bad idea from a man's perspective?

Question

RichA322 · Accepted Answer

1. Because she will (most of the time) NEVER give you the authority to raise HER children, discipline them or punish them. She will always put her children before you.

(Read that sentence again to understand it. I put emphasize on the word ALWAYS, not on the other words. I didn't say she should never put her children before you. Just that she is ALWAYS doing it. Which means: children misbehave -> She will not allow you to punish them, but will instead award them. Because children = more important than you)

2. There is basically always another Man involved. Her ex probably still have contact with her. And she will always allow her ex more authority to raise and discipline her children than you will ever get.

3. The children will probably never accept you as an authority. Meaning even IF SHE ALLOWS you to discipline them when they steal, miss school or don't do their homework. They will probably never accept you. You will just get the

"you are NOT my father. You can not punish me !" Or the "You are not my father. I hate you !"

Sentences thrown at you.

4. There is ALWAYS the risk, that she might leave you and try to get back to her ex and that the children will try the same. You are just throw out from one second to another. Afterall, very often they were once a happy family so it's possible that they might get back together. So you have lost time, money and patience only to end up empty handed after wasting years or decades of you life. All for nothing.

5. There is always a risk that she might use you only to make her Ex jealous and get back to him. So she doesn't really love you. In the worst st case scenario, you have stared to love her children and they have started to accept and love you too and THEN she leaves you to get back with her ex.

6. Very often Single mothers don't want another child or more children after having experienced problems in their previous relationships or with the Father of their children. So if YOU want children, it's game over for you.

7. Almost always Single mothers can NOT let go of the last with their Ex. She will always think of the pain, suffering or not returned feeling that her ex caused her. Or she will always love him and try to get back to him. And YOU, the new Man, will get the punishment for it. You have to deal with her emotional baggage, while she doesn't open up to you. So you get punished, but she refuses to tell you why and she just can't stop to treat you badly because she is still angry at her ex.

8. Very often, single mothers are emotionally UNAVAILABLE. She is just not able to oper her heart for you, regardless how often you try and how long you try it. She either still loves her ex, still hates her ex or can just to return the feelings for you in such a way that the relationship lasts. She just can not let go of her past and will therefore remain unavailable for you on an emotional level.

9. She is not able to keep a new Man permanently, because she has had so many different Men in the meantime, that she is breaking up every single relationship if even the smallest problem appears. She is afraid so much of a breakup from you, that she breaks up the relationship instead. She had become too Afraid to commit.

10. Fear of missing out. She was never interested in you to begin with. She just let her previous Man, Because she was just convinced that she was missing out on something. And that there was "a whole world to discover" only to realise she destroyed her family. Once she realises what she did it she will feel horrible for destroying her previous relationship.

Or

She has that fear of missing out when she is with you. And she suddenly want to relive her teenager years again. Or even start living her wild teenager years, If she couldn't have them when she was younger, due to being pregnant. So she wants to have casual sex with as many men as possible, cheat, do BDSM, have sex with foreign Man, date a football player, do drugs, Date a Latino, White, Black, Asian, French, Canadian, etc, etc, etc, etc.

11. She only sees you as a walking ATM. And she doesn't like you at all, she only wants someone to pay for her and her children. And soon as she is with you, she will try to get as many (materialistic) possessions as possible and she is already preparing for breakup or divorce again to be able to get alimony and child support payments.

12. She is not interested sexually in you. Either because her sex drive is already lower, die to her hormones having changed, her ex/father of the children was horrible at sex, she doesn't want her children seeing her having sex with another Man that is not their father. She has already done absolutely everything sex related with her previous Man/Ex/Father of the children, so in her options she has already climbed all mountains that are there to climb. And you will just get a place to sleep next to her but basically no intimacy.

13. She puts you ALWAYS before her children. So she neglects her children to have more fun with you. So her children have a miserable life because of you being there. And the children will let you feel it or they are misbehaving or they are hurt or they fail in their life, because her mother neglects them.

Those are the 13 most common problems.

That being so said. Very nice, loving, caring Single mothers, that are perfect relationship material do exist. But finding one is like finding a diamond. It's Possible to find one, but it's a very rare occurrence.

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

I see it as a red flag for a few reasons some of them aren't even their fault just common personal preference. First off if you already have kids, you've nerfed the crap out of your dating chances because, for one men don't want to raise kids that aren't theirs they either don't want kids or want to have their own.

Also dating is expensive and when providing for children becomes part of the equation even men who are interested and do like the girl are like "Fuck I can't afford to help with the kids, guess I have to try with someone else."

It basically feels like being financially cucked. Someone else knocked her up and now we have to take over the payments because they ditched her often times in my experience because either the guy was total trash only wanting sex and the woman went for it anyways despite obvious red flags or she's a nasty venomous piece of crap and the dude finally cracked and lost it and left her.

"MOST" of the single mothers I've met were selfish entitled and rude too. By the way if you get knocked up to try and "Trap" him you're not just stupid but you're cruel because you're using your own child as a pawn in your game trying to tie down the man further doing that to a guy who doesn't want kids and told you skyrockets your chance of being dumped.

Also, if men forge a bond with a child, they want it to be either their child or a child that thinks of him as his "Real dad" No man wants to deal with being a parental figure to an ungrateful brat that doesn't see them as a father. if they do their settling because they've had low success dating.

Also depending on the context, I view it as an indicator of Poor life choices. When I see a woman in her twenties who is single with two or three kids that's a massive red flag for me because that makes me think she has low self-control and self-respect.

I don't like people who are liberal and careless with their parts because it creates situations like this where kids get born and ditched and it messes them up. If your aren't planning to be partners for the rest of your life and be fully exclusive and you end up having kids you're stupid.

If you've had like six or more sexual partners, I see it as a red flag too because I feel like that implies, they see sex as sex and not making love which is again a problem for me. In my opinion sex before love is wrong and I'm not going to believe some guy or girl loved 6 different people, and it didn't work out 6 times.

Further even if they did love 6 people and got dumped 6 times, I feel like that says their definition of loving someone was very much off base because they wouldn't dump you if you made them feel loved and cared about and happy in the relationship. 6 times is a lot of times to F up when you're "in love". The way I see it anyone who will have sex without love or just for fun is way, way more likely to cheat on you.

That goes for men and woman too, in fact a fair bit of what I've said so far applies to both men and woman. Also, a lot of guys just don't want to deal with the amount of stress that comes with dating single parents.

The kids cause total havoc when dating. Kids throw fits about hating the boyfriend, he's not their "real dad", they act like a brat but you're not allowed to call him out for being a petulant child because since it's not your kid you can't ground them etc. They force you to cancel plans with last minute emergencies and shorten the amount of personal and private time you can dedicate to the relationship as well as how often you can go on dates.

For most guys once you have kids if you're single and trying to date you're going to get ignored by pretty much everyone looking for more than just sex. They don't want the extra hassle it's too much work and dating is already too hard. So, in short, ton any guy or girl reading this. keep your damn legs close to people you don't love and stop being a S*** or a man w**** according to your respective gender.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with dating a single mother unless she can't financially support herself and her kids, she is wanting more kids and doesn't care to be safe regardless of how you feel about it, or she has mental issues that cause problems. If she is a normal, nice and caring person I don't see an issue with dating one.

Desconhecida · Accepted Answer

I don't think they view it as a bad idea but actually as a serious matter since getting involved with a mother automatically brings the kid into the math.

Summeroflove · Answer

It depends on the mother’s situation don’t get me wrong some people aren’t ready for kids or feel uncomfortable by it, that doesn't always mean they reject you as a person just romantically.

But every situation is different. A whore who sleeps around and doesn’t want to deal with the consequences I feel sorry for the kid (s) but that’s about it. For a woman who maybe made some bad choices but is taking responsibility for her kid and isn’t making those same choices anymore is another story.

Someone who lets say got a divorce that wasn’t her fault. Maybe she got abused or cheated on by a man she thought was great. In a case like that… That’s not her fault. If she’s widowed say her husband dies unexpectedly (not in cases where she killed her husband obviously) that’s not her fault. If she was raped against her will again not her fault.

Depends on the situation unfortunately women who make bad choices some act like they represent all single moms. If you attack them you’re attacking them all which they are making single moms look bad and disgracing them all.

Not all are like that. It depends on her situation

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The negatives are

1. it may be more difficult to schedule dates as she will need to arrange for a babysitter

2. the guy may be expected to pay for the babysitter

3. dates may be interrupted with emergencies related to the children

4. there may be drama between the girl and her ex, and

5. if the relationship becomes serious and exclusive, the guy may be expected to assume some responsibility for the child, but as soon as there is some conflict about a decision concerning the child, the guy will be reminded that he is not actually the child's father.

ohsheeT · Answer

I honestly don't think it is I think it's a good idea

Because then you get to see that woman in action on who she truly is she's a single mother having to take care of her kids and provide for them

Yes to teach them. Wrong from right

She needs to feed them she needs to bathe them she needs to be the mother to them and you get to watch her navigate this
And then one of the best moves is is when the mother's talking to the potential boyfriend and the kids come in and interrupt and start asking questions and the mother says okay and takes care of the kids needs and what they're asking for in that moment and makes it about her kids that tells me everything right there that is a good mother

And I would date that girl

Now if the kids came in and she yelled be quiet blah blah blah I'm talking can't you see and made it about the boyfriend I would look at her and say wait what is it they come first they're your children

Avicenna · Answer

Is this a serious question? Her financial and personal circumstances will be worse than if she were childless and she’s less likely to want to have a kid with the new guy.

Raising someone else’s kid is a thankless task.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's not necessarily a bad idea... but it does raise the question of why she is not in a relationship with the man who fathered her child (ren), and whether dating her would result in a good relationship.

Simslover92 · Answer

It's not a bad idea for my ex. He gladly is wanting to take on a woman with a child because he's in love with her. And I think a lot of men will accept the child if they really like or love the woman.

Anonymous · Answer

For one most men want their own children, not someone else’s kids. Two, dating a single mom isn’t the same as dating a single girl who has more free time to do things. To get up, take off w me for the weekend to. What’s or something. Three you’re having to compete w the kids. The kids may despise you cause they think you’re taking mom from them. Four, you have no authority over those children as far as discipline, even after a couple years a lot of women won’t let their man discipline their child. But you’re expected to act like a father as far as feeding them, protecting them, watching them, calling off from work to go w mom to take the child to the hospital when they’re sick. More than likely she’s going to expect you to put your life on the line for her children if something happens. Five, dealing w an ex. Six, more than likely kids raised by single moms have a lot of emotional problems because all her emotions overflowed onto the kids. Seven, her financial situation is probably crap, wouldn’t doubt if she’s in debt. Most women are looking for a financial partner, they want help. Eight, if she leaves you, not only do you lose her but you lose the relationship w the child if you’ve developed a relationship shop w the child. There’s just too many negative things. It’s not impossible to have a successful relationship w a single mom. But you stand a better chance of having a successful relationship w a girl who doesn’t have children.

lightbulb27 · Answer

taking on a bigger project than if starting from scratch. she is stretched thin, has an X, co parenting, etc.

if she has the prior mess cleaned up, then it's like adopting a family, and that may be easier plug and play and more achievable.

I adopted some cats once and it worked out ok. they destroyed my house, but they were cute and fury.

I married a single mom and worked out well, everyone is happy. there's challenges and since don't have my own kids , kinda fills a void but not completely. if I lost my wife, I wouldn't have that much access into their lives so all that be lost. So you do your best, take your choices and hope for the best.

the only thing eternal are the eternal treasures. work for those.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Dating them isn't necessarily bad. There's some really great single mom's out there. They're just not preferable for serious relationships. I would just rather invest in my own offspring and not have to deal with the bullshit that comes with it.

I feel bad for the guy dating my kid's mother. She's constantly trying to change parenting schedules with me in order to accommodate him. It's like... sorry... not my problem. But, the guy has to take a back seat to me, all while incurring the cost of my child. He's got all the responsibilities and none of the authority.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Because men, just like women, take the duration of the pregnancy to let parenthood sink in

It’s very different when it’s your own flesh and blood. He or she has your eyes your hair your voice…

But walking into a relationship with someone else’s kids needing a parent is far more daunting.
You can’t prepare for it.
You can’t feel a primal urge to want to nurture a kid that isn’t yours
You have to fabricate all that consciously

Ask yourself: if you didn’t have any kids would you be able to jump in bed with a single dad and raise his kids as your own as if it was nothing?
My guess is no.

That’s why I find that single parents should be seeking other single parents with similar number of kids to get in relationships with.

That way both adults are already parents and are used to the motions.
And no one feels like they’re sacrificing their own blood lineage for the other

molonski2 · Answer

Well its a very difficult thing to do , her is a young guy and he is expected to just date her and carry on as if the kids are his or the kids don't matter. Now , obvious for me now it would not really matter , kids would be older , that's mostly okey , I did do it in my 20s and 30s , and what I liked about it was these women had commitment , they were also generally very busy , which took their minds away from me , I really liked that because it gave me freedom , plus I did find them to be incredibly loyal , so the guy needs to weigh all that up , basically , she has priors.

I also found them great sexually , and always ready to enjoy and experiment , but that's just my straw poll.

BCA6010 · Answer

The simple version is because she will never love the man like she does her kid (s), because they didn't create the family together. Most men also struggle to form a healthy relationship with the kid (s), assuming that they seriously try.

It's also very easy from a guy's point of view to see a single mother and automatically assume that at the very least, she makes poor judgment decisions. This is of course unfair when it's the result of circumstances beyond her control (ie: death), but especially if a guy knows he has other options, kids from a past relationship severely hurt a woman's chances, generally speaking.

Anecdotally, the only time I've ever known a relationship involving a single parent working out for more than a few years is when both parties involved are single parents and managed their expectations accordingly.

Anonymous · Answer

When it comes to dating women past 30 it may ironically be a better bet to date a single mother vs. a childless cat lady.

Reason being there is a growing subset of angry/depressed unmarried and childless women in their 30s and 40s now. These women are more often the not highly ideological and way far on the left. They are projecting their depression, regret and anger into political activism. It gives them a fleeting yet unfulfilling “relevance”. These specific types of women are by far the most undesirable types to date. Their horrible.

Single mothers especially single mothers with sons usually have a lot of growing up to do becoming a parent. Not to say they don’t have their own issues. But there can be some expectation of maturity.

dragoblack · Answer

Because, whether or not the mother believes it, the guy will be part of that childs life, the child comes first, which also means not much privacy or time for romance. Mothers have a higher chance, if the kid is old enough to take care of themselves, to where there can be date nights. Regardless it's a matter of not only patience and splitting attention, but also the financial aspect of not only helping to support the mother but also the child (and we can all agree, raising a child is expensive AF). There is more at stake for a guy dating a mother, than dating a childless women.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i think it depends on the age of her kids for me. if she's done having kids great! let's date. but you have to watch out for the ones that have a lot of young kids from multiple fathers. i knew one girl with kids from 5 fathers! another from 4 fathers! these women are predators

slickrick6600 · Answer

Yes it can be a bad idea because it’s viewed as taking over the payments and some of us guys don’t think you will ever love us as much as your kid I get you love your kid but can’t forget about your partner as it’s an extremely difficult situation to come in to. Have to deal with a baby daddy to and most guys have enough stress already

AManOnTheWeb · Answer

The short answer is that dating a mom is an entirely different level of responsibility. There's nothing light or casual about it. Decisions you make can impact not just you and the women's lives but also could shape the lives of those kids as well. That shouldn't be taken lightly.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I'd say it's a bad idea to those fetishizing status instead of getting to know a person.

For the rest of the population, it's not a bad idea, it's an important characteristic of the relationship to think about. Which can be very intimidating at 20yo, and less and less impressive when growing older, given how it's becoming common in the late thirties and above

Anonymous · Answer

High risk, low reward. And countless bad examples stories. Plus, raising someone else's kids and financially supporting them is a lot of work. It's what is eventually expected.

Now, if it's a woman that divorce raped the ex, and is going to spend them money on you, then it's a different story.

Anonymous · Answer

There are no absolutes in life, and there are exceptions to every rule. But rules exist for a reason. In general, single mothers USUALLY end up that way because of poor life choices that reflect who they are as human beings.

On top if that, fathers have far fewer rights than mothers when it comes to being parents. Being a father means responsibilities without rights. Why would a man choose to insert himself into that equation for another man's child?

Anonymous · Answer

It's usually their buddies perspectives and the man picks it up from peer pressure. Mature men know what they are getting into, and how a good woman can make them feel safe, loved and needed regardless of how many kids a previous relationship gave her.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

The woman's children should be (but unfortunately, too often aren't) her first priority, and if they are, a man's desires will AND SHOULD be secondary, leading to a bad situation for the partners and much worse, the kids who aren't able to care for themselves unlike the adult pair.

Gospeedracer · Answer

From a man's perspective You will end up raising children that aren't yours and they will end up throwing it in your face later. The step children will not love you when you breakup with their mother and you will never have any sort of rights to them like you would your own children. Step dads are the most underappreciated people who ever lived.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

You worldly people are unbelievable. Then complain you can't find good men. If my brother showed up with a single mother. I would put a stop to the relationship and get him to datey Christian friend.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I think it depends on what kind of single mom is the woman.

A widow single mom is totally different from a single mom that got pregnant by some boyfriend or dude.

Most men aren't going to ok with raising some kid that doesn't belong to him assuming the child is still small and you can't blame a man for not wanting to carry the responsibly not his.

Lastly, some ex and father of the child can be a problem too to deal with.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Some men can barely look after themselves, let alone a woman and a child. Any man who has issues with is a walking red flag and should be avoided.

NicholasRedone · Answer

I'm somewhat old fashioned in that - I'm a perfectionist. I for one also don't want offspring, so I'd feel like I'm not a woman's type if she wants offspring or already has offspring

I'm just not father material 🥱👀

Anonymous · Answer

As a young man, it's seen as a massive mistake and burden and the woman is generally viewed as loose, or not the smartest.

I think the circumstances matter a lot and it obviously is down to the individual but in most cases it's a huge negative to your character at a young age and I don't want to raise someone else's child unless they will be my wife one day.

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

No one wants to take on the burden of Nother man's kids abd shouldn't. It's too much

Darklydarkened · Answer

Kids are annoying. And living with kids that aren't your own in your own household is even more so

exitseven · Answer

If she has little kids she won't have much time for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Its really about spending your resources on anther guys children. Women don't have as much of a problem as they generally fall in love with most children. But men really only want to support their own children.

Loki97 · Answer

Because I don’t wanna deal with the possibility of some guy following you around due to y’all’s Kid. I don't know if he’s crazy, if he’s jealous but it’s not worth the risk

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is not automatically, buit some common concerns are:

1. A crazy baby daddy exists, sometimes more than one, putting the guy's life at risk.
2. Extra expenses.
3. Less availability.
4. Responsibility without authority.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would any sane man want to give his time and resources to raising another guy's kids, especially when she's not having kids with him? It's the ultimate cucking.

jazzy34 · Answer

Not all men want children Not all men don’t want to be responsible for another man’s children

ProbablyClueless · Answer

The child comes with additional expense and a reason for the ex to remain involved in the woman's life.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you really asking because you don't know? Or it just bothers you and you want to complain about it. Because it's not going to change. You'd do well to rather than complain about it just to not let this befall you.

red-lipstick-girl · Answer

I don't think anyone should have any problems with it, it's a very natural situation.

David5668 · Answer

Because they don’t want to take on the the responsibility of another man’s child. It’s too much for their misogynistic egos to deal with.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the women. A lot of guys don't to get involved with the baby father drama.

Anonymous · Answer

Two reasons, she typically values her kids over you even if you get married. And she rarely is interested in having more.

Aphrodite2001 · Answer

I’ve dated 3 single mother. basically, I was used to baby her children, and after a month, I dumped them. The last one it was after two week.

Anonymous · Answer

One small child probably makes her 30% less attractive Two small children make her 50% less attractive Three small children... Forget it

MzAsh · Answer

For good men, it’s not.

Celticwolf78 · Answer

It wouldn't bother me because I would prove to her that I'd step up and be the better person

SeekerOfTruth007 · Answer

Who wants to raise some other dude's kids?

chrissykerdock · Answer

not necessarily

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Where to begin...

jahaims · Answer

She makes poor choices

orange_roach · Answer

To be fair, I feel the same way about single dads.

zombiewoof · Answer

He is a shallow man if he has that view

Why is dating a single mother viewed as a bad idea from a man's perspective?

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Why is dating a single mother viewed as a bad idea from a man's perspective?

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