Should men with no kids date single moms?

[Anonymous]

No.

What these arguments come down to are the male vs the female mating strategy, which are in some ways conflicting. Many of these arguments are highly manipulative.

Men should disregard all of the things women have to say about this, in the same way women do men. If you speak about what men as a group want to women and expect women to understand and empathise, they’ll just laugh at you. Try to talk to them about abortion, OnlyFans, career vs family etc. Their argument will be that they’ll do what they want and there’s nothing you can do about it, which their isn’t.

The only time you’re considered to be a “good” man is if you support their strategy over your own. For a man that’s obviously a losing strategy as well as an unfair expectation which you should reject.

Women will argue that men should date single mothers because if they’re not already, they could at some point end up being single mothers. Why would they discourage men from dating them in that case? That would be stupid. These ideas do not benefit women as a whole.

As a man though, your biological imperative is to pass on your genes, your legacy. If you intend to be a family man that is. If you’re raising another man’s kids, you’re working to pass on another man’s genes and his legacy. The reason men react so strongly to cheating is because blood matters to us. Women will try to tell you that it shouldn’t - that’s them again trying to get you to accept their strategy over your own.

Most men in relationships with single mothers know this. That’s why a kid is 8x more likely to be abused by a stepfather than by their biological father.

They won’t be honest about it. They’ll claim they don’t care about blood. But really if you’re a single man and you have the options between two attractive women, one childless and one with kids, you’re always gonna pick the childless one. Many of these guys who marry single mothers don’t have those options, and that’s the only reason they do it.

I’ve answered a large number of questions here actually by guys who talk about they met a girl, and she’s hot but she has kids, and he’a unsure. He wants to date her but the kids are in the way. Then I ask them about their sex lives and they always say they haven’t been laid for a year or more. They’re considering her out of desperation. Women won’t like that idea either, but that’s the truth.

Sometimes women end up single mothers through no fault of their own. That’s true, and it’s unfortunate. That’s not an argument for considering them. That’s not a man’s responsibility. A man can be in a bad situation through no fault of his own and women don’t consider him either, because it’s not their responsibility.

[TruthBringer]

ABSOLUTELY NOT. You think any self-respecting man without children who can easily get women without kids would settle for a single mother? Only desperate and naive men swim in waters many others have drowned. And for what? A piece of ass.

Dating single mothers for men is often a lose-lose situation. Men are often seen as nothing more than some ATM who “saves” the single mother. Also, when it comes to teaching children manners, a step father often has no saying in disciplining the kids. The mother often stops him and says “Those are MY children”. But when it comes to paying bills for the kids, it quickly turns to “OUR children”. This hypocrisy and double standards is why so many ex-step fathers warn other men about the dangers of dating single mothers. Before heeding their warning, I’ve already made up my mind to start my own family, thanks.

And to those who are going to slam me with the “woman hater” or “misogynist” or “you’re not a real man!”, simply for standing up for myself and other men. First of all, deal with freedom of speech. And second, if this makes me a “misogynist”, then that makes you an even bigger misandrist for thinking men are supposed to provide and commit to things that aren’t their responsibility and to think we don’t have the right to have our own standards. You don’t get to decide whether men are ‘real men’ or not based on you being able to take advantage of our resources or not.

In the end, to each their own.

[SuzuBrooke]

When you are tired of people judging others based on past mistakes and forgetting that there are single parents for both genders. Forgetting that they themselves make mistakes. That love really blindsides a person. Like bruh the father/mother might have left just because they are afraid of commitment. And some people don't leave red flags. People also change their minds when it comes to love. Also seen people calling other people 'options'. Dehumanizing much?

If you don't want kids good go on your day like a bachelorette. But basically if you raise them even if not blood related their your children. It's up to the guys and gals to decide if they want to date single parents not yours you get to decide just stop pushing it on other people. And asker if you are in that situation don't go to others you do you.

But if you see no red flags. Then there's also a chance there that that's an actual amazing woman. Sex is sensual as well so put blame on both the parents and if the person who has the children actually takes care of them and you then you can obviously tell they are a keeper.

There are bad single parents out there but there's also good so don't just simplify it to bad. Most adults I meet nowadays are like that and I know them well it's not the divorce or break up that tore them apart but people judging them before getting to know them that made them hate love or get into toxic relationships thinking that love is meaningless.

Just be cautious of the red flags if you decide to get into one with that person but still treat them humanely they are humans afterall and deserve what we all do. There's still bad one's out there like any human being and even though it's a red flag you don't know their story. Get to know them at least a little before you judge them. And they aren't used up any person with children they just have children. That doesn't mean they love any less. People are people, people think like people, and people can't trust anyone hardly nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Women with kids are women too, but I understand how people without kids wouldn't feel comfortable dating others who already do. I would say this, it depends on the circumstances. If she is worth it and she is the one, then why not. The sad truth is, most men who date women already with kids, baby mommas specifically, and I don't mean ex wives.

These men usually look for someone who makes bad decisions, low self esteem, therefore an easier lay, or a woman he believes is desperate for attention. It's the sad truth and this is why eligible men usually stay away. They would question why she has multiple kids and never married, why would she do that to her kids and herself if she thought highly of herself, since he himself was careful not to make the same mistake, it would be understandable that he thinks they're not compatible.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I think that's for each individual to make for themselves... Funny tho how it's being made to be wrong to raise Another man's child, but it's okay to treat a single woman as used goods to use as sex... If you don't want to date a single mother/raise another man's child that's fine... But it's not fine to use them for sex and justify it cuz they single mothers like they less of a person for being a single mom...

[pervertedjester]

From what I've been through myself and what I've heard others go through I would say, No. But not because of raising someone else's kids, kids are a blast. The main reason you should skip dating them has to do with time. Her Kids are always going to be First. Any time she spends with you is either taken away from the kids or taken away from her personal time and whatever she balances her life with. Even if you're able to make an early go of things, you'll feel like an asshole eventually for those reasons.

Still even if you make it work and find a routine you'll have to deal with The Ex sooner or later. Exes when Kids are involved are usually petty, vindictive little shits you have to wait for to hang themselves. Cause anything you do can traumatize the kids but everything they do to you is an issue for the courts. Eventually all their B. S. will land them in trouble with everyone they love but you gotta be the adult at every turn. The minute you stoop to their level, it's over. You are no better than they are. No matter how much justification you have or had in the moment.

The short of it all is: If you don't have the time nor the patience, do not date single parents.

[Anonymous]

Little guys be like : except young single women date their broke old ass but as soon as a woman is not in her 20s anymore, she is used and deserve no love for these guys. They also think they can date women at every age but dont know that women marry/date someone their age and not an 10 years old bastards. By the way why do some male gagers are 30 years but talk shit about women for being single with 30. You also ain't find a single woman with no kids if you are like 35 and dont come to me that you can date women in their 20s. Statistically speaking women are married at 26-30s in many countries and many women date/marry some their age by statistics. The max age gap is 4-5 for couples. So you really can't except women to be single with no kids if you are like 30-40 years old.

Why do also nobody trash talk single dads. I mean these single mums dont make the kids on it own. So why the hell does she only get so much hate for no reason and nobody give a fuck what a man do when it comes to dating/marriage. I have never seen a man getting discriminating for his age/body count/sexual preferences/looks etc when it comes to dating.
Women get judged for every shit, when it comes to dating/marriage

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

As a single mother I feel like it’s entirely up to the guy only wants to do if he doesn’t have kids and I don’t see why that would mean he’s insecure feels like he can’t find any better what if he just falls in love with a single mom I don’t get the issue? Also no that wouldn’t make a man a back up plan like if he wasn’t around while they were dating before they had a baby there’s no way he’s going to be a back up plan, that just means he came after the baby was born and they fell in love.
There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with him that idea itself
Is probably guaranteed rooted in misogyny

[AlienParasite]

Should has the connotation of mandatory. So no, he doesn't have the obligation to date someone.

He can be with a woman who has kids if he's ok with it because he really feels a connection with that woman and because he is ok with the kids even if they aren't his own. If it's the type of man that would be ok with adopting kids, why no those kids?

If you can't take that situation - because you don't want kids in your life, you don't get on well with the kids, the presence of the biological father or damage he has done is too much for you to handle, etc - it's fine and understandable if you don't want to date. Just analize your own feelings, needs and limits, and act in base to it.

Each person is different and are ok with different things. Date (or refuse to date) whoever you want.

[MissGeorgia]

I have a little boy, and I've been dating my partner for eight months now and I've never seen him as any kind of substitute father. My son has his dad in his life.
I've also never seen him as a "backup plan" ... what a strange thing to say. He's someone I liked a lot and wished I could get to know better.
I didn't think he'd want to date me. I knew it' was a lot to take on. We knew we liked each other, but I thought he'd think it was too much... too restricted, too much baggage... but we've worked through it slowly. We just fit as a couple and he is developing a lovely relationship with my son.
My ex isn't an easy person to deal with, but my partner, at this point, simply has nothing to do with him. They are very different in character.
It is difficult, but if it's worth it, you put the work in.
You never know who you are going to end up falling for.

[cjgsu]

Every person has different reasons why they date someone.

Maybe they can't have kids of their own.

Maybe they started out as friends and fell in love.

I always found it more strange how people be so worried about other people's dating situation like the guy who post u copied.

Tbh he also seems like he has lack of self esteem if he would be worried that he was a back up plan because she has kids.

I mean he doesn't sound like he doesn't think he has much to offer tbh.

[MzAsh]

Aubrey here admits he doesn’t understand. That says it all. He isn’t entitled to understand. Some men actually care for the person and just want to be with them. That woman adds to his life happiness. I was partially raised by a stepfather who loved my mom and he loved us kids. So yeah, Aubrey doesn’t understand and that’s exactly the point.

[Smoothing]

I think this is an area where only the man dating the single mum truly understands why.

I certainly don't see it as a backup plan.

I think the best way to understand it is to ask your self as a man, " Do I know my purpose in life?" If you cannot answer that question honestly to your self, or don't know, chances are that you will never understand why some men do it.

Surely there are some men who don't know what they are doing but for the most part of these are responsible men, I guarantee you they know what they are doing and are certainly happy with their choice. Because they know and understand their purpose in life. They don't simply follow the common view of society just because they are expected to follow suit. They make their own choices and are absolutely happy with it.

[talloak]

Apart from the evolutionary pressure of needing to pass on your genes, refusal to date a single mom strikes me as insecurity. Even the quote above reeks of insecurity: "he doesn't feel he has options" is an insult to single mothers and "doesn't value himself as a man" is an insult to men who are strong enough to take on the challenges of raising another man's children. It takes no "manliness" to have children. It takes manliness to raise them and great deal more if you raise them by choice and not by personal responsibility (and don't tell me that walking away from your children is a choice; it's an act of cowardice).

[djmzes]

SimpleIf a man want, he can
If he does not want, he can.
Whether it is a man or woman, both has the right to choose or reject.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

You are not a back up plan to raise another man's kids. You are the person their mother loves and wants to spend her life with.

Since she is a mother that includes being there for the kids.

And if you see yourself as a second father you already failed. If you want their mother for life, YOU ARE THEIR FATHER. Not the second. Not the backup plan. You must take care of the child as if it was your own.

If you don't want kids right now in your life fine. But to actually say "doesn't value himself as a man"... So a man who chose to love not only a woman but also their children is less of a man?

Anyone who thinks like that is the one that is a low excuse for a man!

[Drumlin2001]

It didn't bother me. I met someone who i shared a number of interests with, we connected well, the fact she had kids didn't put me off at the time (sure there was a thought about how it would turn out in the long run). You're not replacing their father. Still his job along with their mum to raise them.
I assume then you would never adopt as you don't eant to raise kids that aren't you're own?

[pleasestopthis]

What that man said makes no sense to me at all. If a man doesn't want to raise another man's child, that's completely respectable choice, but I hate when men shame other people who're willing to do so.
There are countless men who have stepped up and turned into a father figure for children who didn't have a present bio dad in their life because they had a lot of love to give and they're seen as the real dad by the children. It's like adopting, but not every person is suitable for this.

[hellohruu]

I wanna say no but it’s complicated. No man wants to or deserves to provide for someone else’s children. Men aren’t banks

[DWornock]

If she is way out of your league, you may consider it. However, in that case, she wouldn't date you anyway. However, she might if she is just 1 point above your league. However, if 1 point better than single gals you can date offsets her baggage and make it worthwhile, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, are we supposed to get rid of all children so men can feel superior in the relationship? Weak minded individuals.

If you are so concerned about having to raise another mans child, how about you MEN as a collective agree to 1) not die when you are married and have kids 2) not cheat on your wife and lead to divorce 3) not knock up a woman and run away 4) not be useless abusive shit bags and force the woman to leave

[DanaeAdam5]

If they want to then yeah, but they have to make sure that they can actually handle meeting the kids and playing a role in their lives.

Dating a single mother is nothing to be ashamed of.

[TheUniqueOne96]

Like someone else said, you do you.

Personally, I wouldn't, because I don't want kids, nor do I want the responsibility of raising anyone else's, something that would more than likely happen, if I were to date a single parent.

[yucychan]

Fuck Aubrey, who cares what she says.
If you like that single mom and you want to date her, then go ahead and date her.
You can't tell people whom they should date and whom they should not.