Do men really avoid dating single moms?

[Stef2913]

So I am a single mother of a beautiful 10 month old & am fully established.However, I seem to have no luck with dating. I seem to only find men who are just looking for sex. Do guys think single moms are easy? Why is a kid such a scary thing for a guy?

[PhilaPenn]

I will be honest with you, and not looking to offend you at all. The truth is that there a lot to consider. First, usually a woman with a child means that there is an ex-boyfriend/husband in the not too distant past with a relevant connection. Usually those relationship s are not fully, 100% over, afterall you have a kid with this guy and there will always be a connection there. A guy has to decide if he wants to deal with that. Second, you schedule is going to be much less free. There really can't be any spur of the moment excursions. Single moms are always going to give off that "are you a serious contender to bring around my kid" vibe. In their defense, they have to as they have to think of what kind of influences to bring around their child. For a guy though, a lot fo times we like to ease into a more serious relationship. Personaly, I like to hang out for a while and over time see how things progress in an organic way. When I've dated single mothers, I've been told from the very first date "I'm only looking for 'serious' guys" As if any guy would consider himself anything but. In my opinion, single moms just seem more high strung, more stressed, and more paranoid. None of those are exactly turn-ons.

[YourMotherIsMyLover]

Yep

[THE_Godfather]

Well said.

Don't forget when the kid gets a little older & you try to correct them "You're NOT my father" sometimes the mother disagrees with you & "it's MY child"

[PhilaPenn]

@ THE Godfather...that's exactly the kinda of drama that makes me want to avoid dating single moms. Especially if you've been with them for years and proven yourself and they hit you with that?

[YourMotherIsMyLover]

There are guys who would date you and pursue a serious relationship, but there are also many who wouldn't. You just have to face the fact that people jump to conclusions and hopefully you can move past that obstacle and find happiness with a good guy

[Anonymous]

It will be more difficult when you're younger, that's for sure. Guys at this age may not be ready for kids yet, and dating a woman with a child means having to be at least some of a father role. They may also worry about the father of the child causing unnecessary drama. And mostly, your relationship will be hindered by the child. No spontaneous late nights out or weekends away. No crazy partying, or what not. There is always a child to think about.

The right guy will not mind this, but understand there are a lot of people out there around your age who chose not to have a child because they weren't ready for those things. My cousin who is 21 has 2 babies right now, and he's having quite a difficult time. He didn't really use his head and didn't think getting this girl pregnant (twice) would be a big deal. Now he's a single dad, can hardly go out or do what he wants, and most women who chose not to get pregnant don't want to play mommy. They want to be out having fun. Same for these guys.

It'll be easier as you get older.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Although it's tough for single moms, I think it's fair for guys to not want to date women with children. Most of them probably only want to work on getting to know the woman if he wants a relationship with her. Throwing a kid into the mix can complicate things and take time away from he and the woman's budding relationship. Also, most guys probably don't want to have the responsibility of taking care of another man's kid. I really don't think it has anything to do with not wanting to be with the woman, just not wanting that extra "baggage."

[ErroWorld]

Hah well I don't have a kid and most of the men I meet are just looking for sex.

That said, one of my closest friends is a single mom...she does well for herself but there's no denying it's tough!

[mike5150]

I personally would given the right set of circumstances (you have to be over the father, there has to be an agreement between him and you I don't want to deal with arguments over him not paying you child support, also we would need some a lone time as well). When going out on a date I want it to be just you and me, that doesn't mean I don't like the kid but I want us to work on establishing a connection between the two of us. We could set up occasional dates where the kid could come a long but not every time.

A large number of guys will not date a women with a kid, it is a lot of work and there is a lot of negative aspects to it, but there are some guys out there that will date a single mother if he believes she is the right girl for him. I think most guys that would be willing to date you regularly (not looking for hook ups) would generally really care about you to feel comfortable being in that position with you.

[kheserthorpe]

Kids are a huge deal. As a parent you should notice this...

If I were divorced I'd probably prefer a single mother since we'd understand each other more. But people without kids, I absolutely understand why they'd avoid it. For hooking up it doesn't matter but beyond that, you're at a very different place in life and its a huge commitment totals on if things progress.

[DutchAtheist]

I love kids. But if you are a single mom with a young child it's a red flag. Unless your partner died, you either had a kid on accident, or you apperantly have children with men and split up that easily.

I wan't someone I can trust and a single mom makes me think I might end up like the last guy...

[Anonymous]

Men who are not absolute idiots absolutely avoid women with another man's child.

Why? Its not you, its not that they are shallow, its simple, really.

American laws make dating you an insane risk to their future. If say, a man co-habitated with you, (no marriage!), then in many states int he united states, when you decided to dump him on a whim, he would be liable for ***ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT FOR A CHILD THAT isn't HIS****

look it up, Family court has screwed hundreds of single dudes this way.

Boys: If the woman had a child without the father in the picture, keep away. it's a trap. I know your protective instincts are going to kick in, you want to help, but it's a trap. 100% of the time, its a trap.

[Yeahhbro]

most men don't date single mom's yes that is true. Most guy things the baby is going to get away when there are confrontations, or they will get in the way when the guy and the woman are trying to be intimate, also the real dad might also get in the way. Pretty much it means that you as a mother won't have full attention on yoru boyfriend, and you will have to divide the attention between the baby, the guy and the dad, which is not cool.

[tzdc21]

I'm gonna give it to you raw. It is not within a man's best interest to take care of another man's child. I'll spare you the details because there's too many to list and I don't currently have the patience to type all of it, but to sum it up it would be a huge burden on the guys shoulders if he were to step into that role. They are more willing to accept that burden if it was his own biological child.

[Looknostamp]

In my limited experience I would avoid dating a single mother. Children that aren’t your own are usually difficult to deal with if the mother doesn’t have them well disciplined. And there is always the fact that she most likely chose at some point to be a single mother. How committed can she be to anyone if she couldn’t commit to the father of her child? What is she really looking for? Not her child’s happiness.

[steveguitar]

there are many reasons guys wouldn't. the ex husband, his family, the child getting in the way of the relationship. many many reasons. I wouldn't date a single mother, not at my age

[AceOtana1]

I always avoid single mums. I don't want to raise another man's child. I'm childfree, so all mums are no go zones for me.

[THE_Godfather]

Yes.

I don't need baby drama along with the babys father drama.

[d3f3cted]

yes, they are usually the girls that wake up after there last boyfriend left them with a kid. and they just want a nice guy

[mrwonderfulsimgleman]

Sorry to break it to you as a partier who hangs with 7 to 10 guys on looks scale who pull 7 to 10 women on looks scale all the time not a single guy I hang with would stoop to the looser level of commiting to a woman with kid you are worthy of a nsa thing at best to any self respecting man under 50 the men you will get should be monitored because they may have other intentions that dont include you! Or they are ugly loosers, if the guy has his own mistakes (children) than you may be ok

[swampfawkes]

It is not so much that men think single moms are easy, it is that having kids involed presents a large number of complicatio s that many men are just not willing to deal with. Many men will pass you over to chase the woman with no kids.

[Distant]

Mainly because guys don't like raising kids that aren't their's until they're 30+

[PhilaPenn]

Lol, real rap

[JackPershing]

Unless they are widowed, single moms are much more "slam and jam" material rather than relationship material.

[porshee914]

I'm on 2 different date sites. You have no time, that or no babysitter, ex drama, your kid will always come first, financial costs for the new guy.

[temptationfalls]

I won't date a girl with a kid.

[myspacemybroke]

I don't know, do you avoid guys with known STDs?

[Distant]

Donald Glover likened having kids to having AIDS. In fact, he said AIDS wins by "this much", haha

[myspacemybroke]

Very true. The ultimate "gift that keeps on giving"

[Moloch]

Trust me they avoid them.

[Jager66]

YES like the mother f***ing plague.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I avoid dating single moms.

[ksysoup]

yes. its a boat anchor

[Bornnardmt]

I will never date a single mother.

[Anonymous]

It's not for me and most of my single guy friends.

[Taketheredpill]

Frankly, you're an idiot. Please wrap up, please get a vasectomy. Watch out for yourself, and never, ever, ever ever ever EVER live with a woman who's got someone else's kids. It's a lose-win scenario, where the woman will gain legal claims on your assets, and you will lose everything.

[luna33]

NEVER SAY NEVER. :)