Dating A Single Mom: Are Men Really Turned Off By Single Moms?

[shy_siren]

Are men really turned off by single moms?

[19magic]

Look I hate to break it to you but women with children have extra baggage and that's even if you've got the most amically split ever. If you have a child or more than one that's more of your time spent on that child/ren and less on building foundations with the new dude.

Next you have planning of dates if your a single parent you most likely hang at home with your kids a lot, which means nothing can be spontaneous no quick outings or a bite here or there. It'll have to be a Saturday that time or else and that's it. Most people without kids don't understand it, and if you bring your kid with you it'll have to be child friendly and you won't have the relaxed mum you'll have the one who's prepared for all her child's needs.

With this you have the ex, where is he? How much involvement is there? Is she going to end up cheating with the ex? How involved is he with the child? Does he help with the cost of the child?

Lastly you have the relationship with the kid, How old is the kid? Are you allowed to discipline the kid? Is the kid going to accept you or hate you cause you're not their dad? Or hate on you cause you're taking mum away? How hurt will you be if the relationship ends and you don't see the kid again? If the option is there would you adopt the kid? Would you be the stepfather of the child? Will you feel guilty for ending a relationship cause you like the kids but not the mum?

And this is just the top of my head, everything I said here is all things the guy would have to consider when dating a single mum. All of this is on top of whether she's a good person have things that you both have in common and all the other things you'd normally have to consider when in a relationship.

You can get lucky I'm not saying that no one will want to date you it can happen. It's more likely that it'll be another single dad, but not always. But I'm not counting my chickens anytime soon, I made my bed and I definitely could have made better choices. The best thing you can do is just work on yourself as a person and be a great mum.

[Zatsuma]

I usually would not respond like this but WOW! some of the guys responses really got my knickers in a twist. They immediately remind me of this man that skipped out on child support and then denied he had any children. Why? Well because he couldn't get himself a younger woman that didn't have kids interested in him.

Now I can accept that kind of mind frame from men that have not ventured down the path to have a family yet, understandable but just remember it's not all about what you think it may be. Money included.

Be open minded as for all you know not only is she very beautiful, sexy, classy, wealthy and independent, she doesn't need your money and she can easily arrange for a sitter if she chooses to. Her kid or kids are also schooled, well mannered and respectful. She doesn't need a replacement daddy to survive just a real man that wants to show how good he can be for her and maybe make an effort to be a positive role model for her kids to know that not all men are utter... (ladies I'll let you word that part).

[Shiningtempest]

@zatsuma I don't care if she's beautiful, sexy, classy, wealthy, & independent. If she's a single mother, I don't see that woman as a girlfriend material.

[DextroShade]

Most baby mommas do need or want a guy's money and their kids are usually very misbehaved because they aren't disciplined.

[Zatsuma]

Dextro. I totally agree. And thank you for being a gentleman and not going on attack mode. Most didn't read the part where I said I accept the way the singles without kids think. Especially if they are still young as I wouldn't date a single parent if I was in my prime years. I just added to keep a open mind. Not saying do it, simply trying to make a point that not every single parents situation is as worse as some of the reasons I read.

[Datboi65]

It's a failed society if we even have to argue about the basics.

Yes, most men are turned off by single mothers. No, they are not "insecure" or "don't think they have what it takes" it's just that nobody likes liability. No, it doesn't mean that they hate kids either.

I'm surprised at the lack of common sense a lot of these women debating this question have. Why is that any of your business as a single mom why random men don't want you? This is a free society, nobody should be forced to be with anyone that they don't want to be with and they don't need to explain their reasons to you. If you don't think that's fair, too bad. Life is not fair. It's not fair why some people are born as trust fund babies while others work long hours and never become successful, yet it HAPPENS. You have to continue living and stop crying about things that are outside of your influence. You should've made better decisions, but now that you're here you cannot undo a child so you're just gonna have to settle for whatever you can get. You gave away your advantage, so you don't get to dictate how the negotiation takes place.

And to all of those people who don't like ehat I said, go touch some grass. You asked for an opinion, I gave my opinion. Don't ask people what they think about a problem if you cannot handle the response.

[PlacentaSalad]

I think that it's mostly a turnoff in men who either do not yet have children of their own, or who have chosen that they do not want children. Because while your children are not his and you might tell him that he is not obligated to care for them, the children are still going to be apart of his life and he's going to feel that obligation, anyway. There's also always that worry of her having a crazy ex-boyfriend/husband who he is going to have to deal with as well.

After 30+, if you are single and in the dating scene then a single mother is just something you are going to have to come to accept as a possibility if he wants companionship. The plus side to this is that the older she is, the more likely her child (ren) are also of an age where they can act independently of him and the mother. At an older age for him, he's more likely to have kids as well and be accepting of her also having kids, or he's realistic enough to understand that a lot of women his age are going to have children by then.

Is that really fair if she is like 25 and wants companionship with a male around her age? Perhaps not, but with young kids and young adults comes a lot of drama and risk of problems involving ex-lovers so I can understand why a lot of men might be averse to single mothers.

[Apple1996]

The only men that would be turned off by it are the ones that know they are not good enough to be a male role model for the child. Its a very big red flag if men are like this so stay away from those saying this. They most likely wouldn't be good partners in a relationship either.

Find the good ones they are out there. I've heard a statistic that single moms are 10% more likely to find their true love then regular single women since they know what they are looking for from a man.

[Spongebobssocks]

I'll have to disagree and I think most people would. Why would a man want to be responcible for another kids father? Its not his job. I think the majority of men would choose a woman without kids than kids with some other guy. Most men want to build a future with a woman not another man's future.

But I dont think women who have kids and are single should be shamed and there are still men out there who would be with them but I highly doubt it has anything to do with what you said😊

[Pistolshrimp]

children are a huge financial commitment, in addition to this having a child and being single gives off huge red flags. why are you single if you had a relationship that you felt comfortable having a child in. if you had the child without considering if the relationship was going to be life long then you have impulse control issues. if you expect men to bend over backwards to support your poor life decisions you are sadly full of unrealistic expectations. if you want a christian husband you'll likely be fine as they will forgive your past sexual sins in this case but you have to be willing to take that seriously and sadly most single mothers think they did nothing wrong and that you aren't "man enough" if you dont pick up the bill for them which is not only incredulous but its just another example of sexism and men having 0 sexual rights. women these days feel like its their right to have kids out of marriage and to abort thoes children if they feel like it while simultaneously looking down on men who dont want to deal with this.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Your ''10% more likely to find their true love'' has a history of the woman initating the divorce for her benifits most of the time. The ''true love'' maybe for her but it may not be for the husband manipulated and afraid he might end up like her ex (es)

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Your agenda saying they're not real men for not wanting single mothers is almost as like the saying ''you're not a real woman if you choose to abort or just not have kids at all'' which i don't agree with.

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp well it is a woman's right to have kids or abort. She holds that power and any man that thinks otherwise has womb envy

[Apple1996]

@Spongebobssocks if a man wouldn't be willing to raise another child besides his own it's very likely that he is gonna be a shit dad to any kids of his own and shit partner. It shows he doesn't value life or love.
Single moms/kids are the most vulnerable in our society. To bully those women/call them undatable because they have a kid is disgusting. A man simply having that opinion towards single moms is a bad sign is what I'm trying to get at

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara anyone can be manipulated in a any relationship. Most moms are single moms cuz of deadbeats and abusers so if a guy is good he would worry about becoming a ex

[Spongebobssocks]

@apple1996Bullying a single mother is bad yes that shows bad charachter. But not wanting to date one is not bad charachter at all.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

No one said only men can. However, that doesn't really remove the fact that divorce benefits women which is also the reason why they're the ones who'd initiate it most of the time. Even if the man is abused and manipulated in relationships, they can't just file a divorce like women do because it's always assumed by the court that the husband is always at fault. So if you like to say that most moms are single because of "abusers" then I can easily just say that most men punished by law after a divorce are innocent.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I really like how you say it's women's rights to abort. Your'e justifying that one like how guys justify how they don't wanna date single moms and yet you're pushing your agenda on them. It's also men's rights not to date single mom. If they're such red flags, then women like you who think we're obligated to date them are red flags.

[Apple1996]

@Spongebobssocks it does show bad character since the men aren't choosing a relationship for love but for other reasons. If they date a single mom and just happen to not love her then that's fine

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara dating vs abortions are completely different things. And the divorce really depends like I know some women that have had to pay the man so I don't see it as all men always being the victims

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then you failed to see the factor here. Women who wants to abort don't wanna be responsible for children that she didn't want, that's same goes for men not wanting single moms. And to wonder what happened to her ex is to top it off. It's also the same that we don't see single moms to be always the one who's the victim. We have the preference, we're entitled to it. You're not entitled to any man you want.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara once the child is already here and alive for years it's very different then it not even being born yet. And I myself don't feel entitled to men cause I'm barely even attracted to them lol. Speaking for other women on this tbh.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

But still, why make it our obligation? I mean there are also plenty of other orphans in the orphanage waiting to be adopted and it's for the same reason why we're not adopting them. If you care so much about any children not having proper parents, why don't you adopt one and not even judge yourself for not adopting any? You can have all the excuses and reasoning you want, that doesn't change how you think it's our obligation to date them making you a bigger red flag than any people not adopting any children.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You're not speaking for women, you're making assumptions on men. You're speaking for men not even considering what their intentions truly are. You still wouldn't like it if anyone judges you for supporting abortion and you despite having all the reason, you're getting judge for not adopting any children now do you?

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara my husband tried adopting a 3 year old while overseas. It was a issue since I was already pregnant so they didn't allow it since we already have kids/the pregnancy. Would love to tho but lots of rules. They make it difficult to adopt. Even my brother and his wife that are very well off and have 0 kids tried to adopt but couldn't. Really sad tbh

And men aren't obligated to do anything. They can have their preferences but that's not gonna stop me from having a opinion it and thinking that they are a pos man

[Spongebobssocks]

@Apple1996 i admire your synpathy for single mothers I really do:) but thats not logical. Men and women tend to want different things in relationships. Therefor it doesn't show bad charachter. I mean would you wanna date a man 5 feet tall who is obese? Problaby not but it doesn't make you a bad person.:)

[Spongebobssocks]

*sympathy

[Aiko_E_Lara]

"You can have all the excuses and reasoning you want, that doesn't change how you think it's our obligation to date them making you a bigger red flag than any people not adopting any children." <-- that statement still stands however. And no, you're indeed trying to say we're obligated to actually date single moms. You're not saying thesame thing to most people in this world who don't even wanna adopt. But if most people are red flags, then you're the problem. You can have opinions and of course no one can stop you but your bias is in fact still showing.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@Spongebobssocks She probably "would" (Maybe just lie to herself) just to try to make your claims seem invalid. "Because she does it, everyone should too" trying to cause a bandwagon effect based on her own belief.

[Spongebobssocks]

@Aiko_E_Lara maybe she would:) either way I dont wanna start any beef lol. I disagree on her viewpoint but its good she cares for single mothers.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara I'm not saying that anyone is obligated. I'm saying they're a bad person and not relationship material. Anyone that might be triggered by me saying that is because that's the truth and they don't wanna be called out as being a bad person

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@Spongebobssocks *Hugs* It's fine. I got this. I appreciate your point of view by the way.

[Spongebobssocks]

@Aiko_E_Lara no need to respond to her she has made up her mind. :)

Hope you both have a good day! @Apple1996

[Spongebobssocks]

@Aiko_E_Lara 👍🏻🤗

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Actions speaks louder than words. You know like those christian supremacists, "If you don't believe in God, it's fine because you're not obligated to but you're just evil and should be in hell" That kind of guilt tripping tactic and I know too well.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara no one has to believe what I believe. They can feel free to skip by my opinion

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Of course no one has to believe in what you believe but you're not in a position to guilt trip or judge anyone who don't think the same way you do.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara I'm judging the same people that judge/bully single moms. They need a taste of their own shit

[Aiko_E_Lara]

"The only men that would be turned off by it are the ones that know they are not good enough to be a male role model for the child. Its a very big red flag if men are like this so stay away from those saying this. They most likely wouldn't be good partners in a relationship either.

Find the good ones they are out there. I've heard a statistic that single moms are 10% more likely to find their true love then regular single women since they know what they are looking for from a man." <--- where exactly are you specifying it's those men you're actually talking about? You're talking about men not "those men"

And it same goes for women who bullies men for just having that kind of preference. That ''you're not a real man if you dont want a single mom'' is their go to response after getting rejected for that.

So in my case, I'm only a 5'7 man who have long hair. And a woman just say they only wanna date guys who's a 6 footer with short hair and my go to response would be like "You're so shallow, women are shallow and those who don't date short guys with long hair are just a red flag. I mean it's ok to date tall guys but you're still a red flag and that's not stopping me" Should I be surprised if a bunch of people would just say I'm an incel for trying to shame women for that? I shouldn't be and that's not suppose to affect me and I know to well what incels are.

You lack self awareness at this point

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Women bullying short men, justifying. Men bullying single moms, also justifiable. Anyone bullying anyone for having a preference is not different and should be justifiable either

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*justifiable

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara you aren't getting my reasoning on this lol but it's okay. I'm sure lots of men won't get it.
Also your talking about yourself in that situation. For this I'm not talking about myself since I'm not a single mom/I don't date men/I wouldn't date anyone if I became single. Like I said earlier I'm speaking for other women to avoid them getting hit with mean comments about something personal.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara I don't think it's okay for anyone to bully a man over his height

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And you're not even getting how you are so surprised by anyone against your opinion which is why my analogy like talking about myself or even if i am talking about nobody wanting to date disabled men acting like you do what actually make them sound in titled. Yes it's not ok to bully a man over it height, it's not ok to bully a single mother and it shouldn't also be ok to bully anyone having that preference. The asker is asking if men get turned off by single mother's not asking if do men bully single mothers so it's more like you are not getting the question

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And if you think having preferences or just getting turned off is considered bullying then you're the problem here

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara preferences are shallow and can contribute to bullying. And sure could literally care less if I'm the problem

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Something can doesn't mean it will. Someone owning a gun can result to terrorism or school shooting but it doesn't mean it will. Abortion can also lead to more prostitution/carelessness but also doesn't mean it will. Learn the difference.

If preferences are shallow, everybody has preferences and if everybody are shallow, you could be the problem.

Also this, if someone who is really genuine and really caring, a gentleman and that being the main reason why he is successful in relationship and in his life, only he doesn't like to date single moms and now you would consider him shallow and a bad person for that. You dont even realize how that alone can actually make you even more shallow than anyone having preferences.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara a real kind caring man would date for love and not turn down women for other reasons (including kids). People that don't date for love literally are the reason why the dating scene is so messy now a days. It's not only hurting them but everyone else around them.

And tbh being alone is always a better option then allowing bad people into your life

[Aiko_E_Lara]

There is a reason why someone love someone and someone don't like someone and that's just what makes everyone human. True love still comes with the reasonings why is that person is your true love it is just like why you love your husband and not someone else. You can't just say love just happens because there's a reason for everything.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

What about if he love her and oneof the reason is because she's not a single woman? It's also not different if he loves her because he is not a transgender. Everything has motives if you just set your emotions aside

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If i say i prefer women to bitches, that's also preference you know. And if my girlfriend ask such silly question like ''if i'm a bitch would you still love me?'' If she is serious then i would just boldly say no. The reason why is because her is because she isn't one. Thats not shallow, that's being true to yourself. You are trying to suppress anyone's preferences by not validating them which will lead into an unhappy relationship as they date someone who they dont even love.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara even if someone's finds a person that meets all their preferences that doesn't make it true unconditional love tho.

I do personally believe that love just happens without much control like at least that's what I've experienced since I open myself up to it. a lot of people aren't open so they could never relate to that.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara all women are bitches at certain times so that'd be impossible. Reason why the love should be unconditional

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And you're acting like people can't have multiple preferences. Let's say if someone date her because she isn't a single mom and that's the only reason why he is dating her then yes that would be shallow but there are many other reasons why he is dating her and her not being a single mom is one of them. So yes people have different criteria on what make someone their type. You cannot explain how unconditional love happens when it comes to just meeting someone because in every relationships, they all started out as strangers. So if it's unconditional love you say like no reason then you should just be loving every strangers. Every stranger should just be your boyfriend or girlfriend. That actually destroys the meaning of love to be honest. If you believe that love just happens without any control, is because you don't know the reason and you just don't bother to think because your brother get blinded by your emotions. I believe in everything happens for a reason but not all reasons are known

All women are bitches at certain points but that doesn't mean they are bitches by default. If someone i love is being bitchy, then i don't like it if theyre being bitchy. Doesn't mean i don't like her as a person. It's a very valid to not like it if you are treated poorly. But if there someone who is being a beach by default then i cannot love them ''unconditionally'' and that itself is a reasoning

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Also i would like to say that it is more of a deal breaker and it exists in all people.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara obviously not loving every stranger lol that's not what I'm saying. More that two people can come together and love each other regardless of reasoning. Love is illogical so it's purely based on being blinded by emotions

[Pistolshrimp]

incorrect you both know that the child is possible, the man has just as much right as its half his genetics you are just carrying it.

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp men don't have rights over someone else's body. They are jealous that they are not able to carry life/have a say in it. It's a gift that only women have been granted

[Pistolshrimp]

It's not your body you are destroying a child that resides inside your body there is a difference. You claim to believe men shouldn't have rights over their child but I bet you expect the man to pay child support and be in that child's life you are a sad feminist nazi and your attempt to shut mens sexual rights down shows you dont care about equality women like you are murders and that's a fact.

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp men should have to pay because at that point the child is already born. And no I don't believe in equality. Nothing in life is equal lol.
I'd never get a abortion but I support women that do

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp why do you think I'm a femi nazi? I'm a traditional woman

[Pistolshrimp]

Not if it wasn't his choice. If you believe that women can choose to kill a man's child without his consent the a man can choose to abandon them without yours you can't have it both ways sorry nazi

[Pistolshrimp]

You are not a traditional woman at all. You claim women are the only ones who create life. Good luck doing that without the mans sperm. It's his child as much as it is yours the moment its conception starts. This is proven with a simple DNA test. A traditional woman listens and respects her SOs wishes just as he does for her. You are so far from a traditional woman its delusions your whole life. Too absorbed with feminist culture and propaganda you can't even see your man as an equal or your partner in life and creation. You dictate others rights and claim superiority over the opposite sex and try to promote the killing of the unborn. You fit the description of a Hitler worshiper taking their anger out on another and degrading their human rights. So yes you are a nazi I feel bad for the people who have to interact with you on a day to day basis.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You yourself just said love is unconditional and it's not about preferences so there for if your love is not someone you actually prefer, you wouldn't really choose a certain person. Even the reasoning because you love that person can be considered a preference. There is a reason behind it and you just don't know why. If you love a certain person, you were once strangers and it's not automatic. That's why there is like an interview during dates to get to know each other to see if you are a perfect match. You don't just see a person then automatically get married like it doesn't matter who it is.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Just like saying loving your child is unconditional, when it actually is in a sense. If you love your children, it's because they are your children and that's a reasoning. Also because they could be a resemblance to you, you've known them since birth, you've seen them grown-up etc. Which is why you love them. In situations where if someone has to save a random kid or save their own kid, most of the time they would save their own kid because they prefer their own children.

Also the rest of what i said still stands

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara unconditional love in a relationship is much different then any other type of love including kids/family/friends/anyone else so you are right about that.

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp if you knew my life it's pretty obvious that I'm traditional lol. And my husband agrees with me that women are the creators of life so no issue on that

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Exactly different and if you agree, you ate proving my point. ''Unconditional'' love in relationship is much less ''unconditional'' than loving your kids. It's because every relationship started out as strangers. The rest of what i said still stands however

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara it's not less. It's just different because it's a relationship it should be stronger type of unconditional. And yes strangers but even friends are strangers before meeting but that type of love isn't like a dating relationship love

[Pistolshrimp]

Your husband is probably terrified you'll emasculate him when he's sleeping because you're a nazi of he won't argue

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp um what do you mean by that? I don't hurt anyone while they are sleeping especially my spouse.
He has no need to fight since we just simply share the same opinion on that

[DarkLegacy]

It has got bugger all to do with it. I mean why should we bring up someones elses kid, and we will never be put first in that relationship. Besides we will be undermined when it comes to discipline of the kid.
Why is it you are always criticizing and slating men for having preferences when it comes to women. It is sexist and misandry, we are entitled to our preferences. I can just imagine the reaction if we slate women for their preferences, we just get verbal abuse and labelled incels.

[DarkLegacy]

@Spongebobssocks My sentiments exaclty,

[DarkLegacy]

@Pistolshrimp fantastic response

[DarkLegacy]

@Apple1996 women who abort are just selfish and it is also a mans right to pick and choose as he sees fit.

[DarkLegacy]

@Apple1996 it is utter bullshit that they are the most vulnerable in society, are the old no, are they disabled no, bullshit are they vulnerable.

[DarkLegacy]

@Apple1996 and if we are disgusting then you are disgusting for rejecting men because of their appearance or disability

[DarkLegacy]

@Aiko_E_Lara You are quite right she is full of hypocrisies

[Apple1996]

@DarkLegacy you don't think kids and mothers that have no provider/protector are vulnerable? Literally by nature that's the most vulnerable time a person could have in their lives even with a partner and especially without one

[Apple1996]

@DarkLegacy I wouldn't reject a man for those things

[DarkLegacy]

@Apple1996 yes they are single because they rejected the good guys for the bad guys hence why they are single mums and that is even more reason why good guys should reject them.

[Apple1996]

@DarkLegacy it's impossible to tell how a man will be as a father before he becomes a father. If he already had kids and was a deadbeat then yeah that's the only time I'd say that is on the fault of a woman choosing.

[DarkLegacy]

@Aiko_E_Lara Very good points you made on everything

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Again it's still cannot be unconditional if there are reasons why. Not everybody feels love the same way you do. If you think love is blind or if you really chose to be blind with love, maybe just speak for yourself because everybody have different motivations and their life and that includes the relationships.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DarkLegacy thanks! That's what i do

[Pistolshrimp]

@DarkLegacy 100% darklegacy, women love to say that you aren't "man enough" and demean you when they themselves would be thrown into a rage if you said they werent "woman enough" and the incel label is thrown around everywhere because women think they should own the right to sex. its 100% misandry and wrong. women also fail to realize men are just as vulnerable and capable of having terrible sexual experiences that have traumatized them just as much as women can. I've seen several posts on here talking about rape and mens perpetuation of this but never anything about the female predators that get away with this everyday because men are too ashamed to admit they were sexually abused. many of us who have been are permenantly scared physically and emotionally. when i was 21 as a christian male i was taught to wait until marriage, i told my SO at the time and she assured me this was fine. It was not she waited until i was asleep one night a few months into our relationship and straddled me during an intense nocturnal erection. she did so without my consent and when i woke up i panic'd and went to push her off and he leaned forward hard to stop me which resulted in a penile fracture. I have had erectile dysfunction problems ever since and when discussing this with other women after the fact I've been ridiculed and put down because "I obviously have mental issues and werent man enough to go along with the encounter". being labled and incel because of my injury when there is literally no reason the injury should have occured and i did not consent to being abused. and then you get women like this who insist you deal with their crap or you aren't good enough. imagine the backlash you would get if you treated a woman who had this experience the same way.

[DarkLegacy]

@Pistolshrimp Shit mate, what a bitch, society lets women get away with murder

[Pistolshrimp]

@DarkLegacy right its fucked up.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I would also like to mention that people who are blinded by love are more prone to getting abused because they just can't let go of their abusive partner because they love them ''regardless''. Not being true to themselves because they invalidate their true feelings towards their abusive partners. They judge themselve thinking theyre being ''shallow'' for truly disliking something in a person making them people pleasers. She's just lucky she doesn't have an abusive husband to take advantage of it.

''I love you even if your an abusive asshole''

''i love you even if youve broken my bones''

''i would be a shallow person if i choose a good boy instead because apparently preferences are bullshit''

Basically ''unconditionally'' loving a stranger to a hasty relationship

[Apple1996]

@Pistolshrimp omg very sorry to hear about that 😥 what she did was not right. Partners always need consent before doing anything to each other.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara in the case of abuse or any dangerous situation love is not worth it especially for safety reasons. Not at all saying to stay with abusers

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then that would make the love conditional. Meaning to love someone IF they are not assholes or bitches. By agreeing with me, you're now starting to contradict yourself about preferences now.

[Apple1996]

@Aiko_E_Lara I don't see being a bitch or asshole as a reason to not love someone. More like actual danger issues then it's best to walk away for safety even if you still love that person

[DextroShade]

Just stop with the pathetic attempts to shame men for not wanting baby mommas.

[Apple1996]

@DextroShade I'm shaming people that deserve to be shamed

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I'm talking about love as in relationship not because you sympathize and also this, if you love as in you want to be in a relationship with someone because you sympathize them, that is another reasoning which makes that love conditional. If you are motivated to sympathize someone then that is a motive. Also for your information men hold don't prefer single moms are walking away for safety that doesn't mean they don't respect them as a person. But you just like to see just because a man doesn't like to date a single mom, you assume they're being disrespectful. If you're shimming people that deserve to be shame then you should be shaming yourself for making such assumptions

[Pistolshrimp]

its fine, I've learned to talk about and gotten over the shame i felt about what happened to me. i just wish people would understand and realize that men are also vulnerable. and noone deserves to be shamed especially for something as silly as preference in your mate selection or religious views on sex.

[KejKej]

What? Men have every right to be turned off by single moms. It's NOT their children and they could also be childfree in general or just incompatibile with single mom's lifestyle. Women with children are the biggest dealbreakers to me.

[Paul09]

I'm great with kids. I just don't want any. Not for me. So why would I want someone else's kids?

[Avicenna]

Hugely, no matter what the cheerleaders for single moms say

[pervertedjester]

No we are not but the stats don't lie in this regard. Parents will default to parents for a relationship every time. Most times they go back to exes, rarely do they find another compatible parent to date. Single people without kids will always feel second place, sometimes third or more when trying to steal personal time away from kids.

[Anonymous]

Apple1996 is an idiot. I like how a lot of women call out men, that were the scum of the earth for having standards because we won’t date single mothers or obese women, etc. There’s a lot of men just like there’s women who won’t date single parents. It’s not a complete turn off, but a lot more obstacles to maneuver through that could potentially chase him away. There are some men who can’t have children who are ok w dating a single mother. Maybe he’s already had children of his own so he’s ok w it, or he had a step father growing up who was good to him. I’ve been w my girl for 14 years, she was a single mother. Complicated situation when dealing w single parents. You’re always competing w the children for time as they will always come first. So if you’re not up for that find someone w no children. She can’t always just get up to leave on a random trip. Dad may still be around, he may be a good dad or a complete tool. She doesn’t want you to discipline the children but expects you to protect them all when things happen. It’s just too much. If I had the info I have now when I first met her chances are we wouldn’t be together.

[Apple1996]

You are only calling me out cause you know I'm speaking the truth on my comment and your mad about that

[Opinion Owner]

@Apple1996 no you’re not speaking the truth. Sad that you think men can’t have preferences but I’m sure you have all kind of requirements for men as far as who you’ll date. Too many women can’t accept the truth so they tell each other lies about how she’s too good for him, or she’s a perfect 10 at 200+ pounds. You’re doing her a disservice by not being honest, because when reality hits she’s going to wonder why all these men don’t see her the way all her friends built her up to be. Stop feeding each other bs

[Apple1996]

The only requirements I have for a man is to be a decent person. And why would I stop empowering women? Even women that are 200+ pounds or whatever can find a man. Men on the other hand tho have more trouble dating so its really their issues for having preferences. Your just projecting and it's obvious

[Opinion Owner]

@Apple1996 that’s not empowerment, you’re setting them up for failure. But believe what you want to believe.

[Datboi65]

@Apple1996 I'm not even going to respond to your take because I've seen plenty like it. You have PLENTY OF TIME to respond to all the people who thought your take was ridiculous, which absolutely reinforces why they were right in the first place. Go find something better to do lady.

[Apple1996]

@Datboi65 something better then speaking up for women and kids? Lol okay I don't mind being ridiculous and speaking up for them ever especially when a lot of people in the comments are full of hate. I'd rather be a outlier and speak the truth than join a group that think it's acceptable to hate on the most vulnerable people in our society

[Datboi65]

@Apple1996 I'm sure you know this is the internet, and you don't know any of these people. You're gonna go on to your job/uni/grad school/ whatever you're doing and they will go on with their day. You're not some kind of savior or Saint for "women and children" by arguing online with people expressing their opinion over a question that was asked specifically towards them. I don't think ONE MAN would have any problem with women being asked "are you turned off by broke men?" When that question is asked towards women. You're not the subject here, sorry not sorry. Grow up and let it go.

[Apple1996]

@Datboi65 I don't need to know these people to make a difference. Being a Saint is not what I'm trying to accomplish here. Just wanting people to be decent/kind towards mothers/kids. We live in a world thats extremely anti mothers and kids. It's honestly disgusting.
And I can probably bring more light on a woman's perspective about this topic then others here since I myself am a mom. This question was not limited to only men. Asker wanted both sides

[Apple1996]

@Datboi65 also I might add that I'm only speaking to people on this question that have talked to me first/brought up my name. Not going around trolling comments of those I don't agree with. I respect others opinions to much to do that type of thing

[Datboi65]

@Apple1996 The question was specific: "are men really turned off by single moms?" That was not a question to women, it was a question to men. If a man tried to answer a question that was directed to women, he will be slandered and rightfully so. Also, nobody was attacking the kids here. You're making it seem like this world "hates mothers and kids". People said they didn't want to take the responsibility of raising another man's child, that's it. You don't have to agree with it, that's your right. What's not your right is to spread misinformation about what everyone was saying to make them seem as some sort of villains when that's not what they said.

Finally, I do pay attention and I will give you credit you didn't randomly go after anyone who didn't tag your name, but at some point you will have to put the sword down and chill. It's a hot summer day, go have some lemonade. You don't have to see this discussion as the be-all-or-end-all, I see this website as nothing more than twitter where crazy people talk about crazy shit. Trust me when I tell you I have more on my plate than arguing with an online stranger, take that advice and you'll be less stressed out.

[Apple1996]

@Datboi65 if this question was only for men then it would have been limited to only men. Which it's not so am allowed to freely add my opinions.
And wtf who goes out on a hot summer day? It sure ain't me i hate this weather. I come on here to get less stressed being able to debate with randoms online is fun

[Opinion Owner]

@Datboi65 couldn’t agree more. No one is hating on children. No where did I say I hated single mothers, it’s a choice, a preference that men as well as women have or don’t have. The problem is she’s caught up in her feelings. I said myself I’ve been w a single mother for 14 years. Women want the truth but they don’t like it when they’re told a something that doesn’t align w what they think is the truth. So they turn to other women who reinforce what they’re thinking. Why even ask men our opinions if you’re just going to push back against how we feel. Amazing feminist argue they want equality, to be able to make their own choices but men are condemned for disagreeing, for having their own thoughts. But you’re right a lot of women won’t mess w a dude who’s broke.

[BBBKOQYSOBSr0243]

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[Anonymous]

Not At All, Anyone Who Is Turned Off By Single Mom’s Is Shallow… As A Single Dad With Sole Custody Of Both Kids, I Went Through The Same Thing Single Mom’s Go Through, But Worse… My Daughter’s Friends Parents And Single Mom’s Would Not Allow Their Daughter To Come Over Or Have Sleep Overs Because I Am A Single Dad, Because “Single Dad’s Are Child Molesters”… They Said, Your Mom Has To Be There, Can You Call Her? No My Mom Abandoned Me And My Brother On His 6TH Birthday, I Was 3 And Have No Memory Of Her, She Never Calls Or Writes, No Gifts From Her On Christmas Or Birthdays… And That Story Didn’t Help… One Woman I Tried Dating At One Point Asked Me if I Can Send My Kids To Someone Else, Because She Doesn’t Want To Raise Someone Elses Kids… I Never Asked Her To Raise My Kids, Or Anyone Else… Women Can Be Just As Bad Or Worse... When My Daughter Was 17 Almost 18, Her Friends Mom Did The Same Thing The Other Single Mothers Did When She Was Little, No Sleep Overs, Because Your Dad Has Custody… She Told Her Men Are Child Molesters… My Daughter Being Well Educated And Knows Our Society, Said, "So Are Women"… “There Are Women Teachers Molesting Their Male Students, Aunts Are Child Molesters, So Are Female Neighbors And Family Friends… My Dad Is A Good Dad, He Raised Me And My Brother On His Own, I Have Never Had A Mom, He Is Not A Child Molester”… The Mom Was Speechless And Said Nothing... Stop Judging Single Mom’s And Dad’s, We’re Doing Our Best To Raise Our Children, We’re Not Perfect, We’re Doing The Best We Can With What We Have…

[Guanfei]

No, but there are more issue dating a single mom than just a single woman.

First, you'll always be second to her, never a priority, and often that means you'll see her only when she doesn't have the kids. Considering how much more often women get child custody, that means very little time for you to build a relationship.

Second, it can be emotionally hard, as you can love the woman, but if you don't get along with the kids, it won't work. Or, you get along well with the kids but it doesn't work with the woman, and then you can't see them anymore, which is pretty sad.

And third, you'll never be the dad. You'll always be the woman's boyfriend, even if you live together, and you won't have any right to treat the kids as your own, whether it's for love, or discipline. Even the real dad has more right than you on this.

Basically, dating a single mom is being third. Kids, then real dad, and then you.

[shy_siren]

What if the woman could make both a priority?

[Guanfei]

You can't, that's why it's called a priority. You favor one thing over another.

[shy_siren]

Both could be of equal importance.

[DaddyJay4592]

No hell no if you got a kid kick rocks plain and simple trashy

[DaddyJay4592]

It's as simple as this woman has a brain she knows there is a future one day you're gonna be 50 do you really want to be a single mom lol stop fucking make better choice's or we look at you like you ain't shit I'm sorry but it's the truth it's trashy then what happens if you sleep with a single man and he sees your stretch marks naked id leave you right there with no reasons at all it's just not worth a man's time your kid might be a serial killer and your baby daddy might be a meth head BYE BYE

[DarkLegacy]

I read on so many POF accounts of single mums them saying 'my kids come first and always will and if you can;t accept that then move on'. Does that answer your question @shy_siren

[Peter_Penetrator]

Too many dudes can’t handle not being the center of a woman’s attention. He wants all of her.


A mothers child is the center of her attention. Until her and her children become older and the children become more independent of her. Then mom will have more time for herself.


There is a phenomenon known as being “Touched Out” amongst mothers with newborns. That newborn needs so much of mom’s physical contact and is always grabbing at mom, mom just gets to a point she is repulsed by being touched by anyone. Husband, their older children, friends, family and boyfriends.


Now some unstable mothers (Susan Smith), will drown their children and blame it on carjackers, because the men they are with don’t want a woman with kids. The unstable mothers is too afraid of losing that same man.

[shy_siren]

What if the mother in question is not unstable and has an older teenager?

[Peter_Penetrator]

Then mom needs to make sure that dude intends on sticking around. If a single mother’s child becomes attached to a father figure the child will suffer.

The mother needs to decide if the new boyfriend is going to have any disciplinary decisions. Also, an older child can become very jealous of a mother’s boyfriend and cause problems for the new man.

I was 30, my ex was a 42 year old single mother of two kids over 18 at the time. I married her anyway.

[TheSpaceGnome]

This actually isn't a worry for me, as I only go for women who can't get enough endless affection (the type to crave needy pets and an affectionate spouse), I refuse to date single moms because I'm not interested in being a dad, putting up with another guy in the mix, or having no idea if I'm just another mistake or not to her.

I don't need to be the only one she gets attention from, but I do need to be the only man she gets it from in a relationship/sexual context, and I need to know she's 100% sure it's permanent, and with single moms, you can never be sure.

[DarkLegacy]

There is nothing wrong with us wanting to be put first in a relationship first

[ZackBan]

Depends on what we mean by "turned off"

Sexually I'd say it's irrelevant, a man can be physically into a woman who's given birth before.

As far as relationships go absolutely.

I won't even sugar coat it, men don't just at the opportunity to raise someone else's kid, some would do it but only because they're desperate to settle down with someone and don't wanna be single again after having met the mom.

I'm not saying this to discourage single moms but to discourage younger girls from going out getting knocked up by a bum who won't stick around and thinking all will be good.
I dated a single mom for a while she was the most miserable person I ever met. An amazing woman, but the ammount of regret she had made it impossible for her to make the most of life

[luvstoned4him]

I know in my country the guys I've had this discussion with has expressed their distaste for taking single mothers because they don't like the idea of raising or spending money on another man's child. That's not to say that all are like that. If you want better luck, it's best to target men who have kids as well but are looking to make a serious commitment to you (like marriage) and not just get you pregnant in order to be with you (, which is the case I've seen with some in my country). So I won't say all hope is lost and sometimes there is a rare chance you may actually run into a guy who has no kids but can love yours as his own.

[Samantha36]

Well after I split from my kids father I was set on staying single. I was 34 years old with 2 girls, unable to have any more due to medical reasons. I had no time to date so went on tinder for hook ups. That's how I met my boyfriend. He was a hookup. A 36 Yr old gorgeous bachelor with no kids, a good job and a ton of friends... he could have any woman. He for some reason wanted more and convinced me to try another relationship... and here we are 2 years later and very happy. Mu kids love him. Their dad is a good dad and is heavily involved. Free babysitter! My boyfriend takes us out, treats us, looks after us but he won't ever gey too involved with "dad" things. Such as parents evening etc.

He is sees me 1st as a woman, not as a mum. He's not insecure or immature like most men so he doesn't see it as bringing up another man's kids. He's there friend not daddy no2.

So there are good men out there for us single mums

[Singing_Hollow]

It does take a special kind of man to take on another person's child, it doesn't mean all men should as it is a huge financial responsibility, however with that being said most younger men with less life experience won't want to take on that responsibility, it takes a lot of maturity too.
Being a single mom isn't a 'dirty' thing. Many reasons for why we are single moms. Mine is that my daughters dad was abusive and used drugs. I didn't know this when i met him and our daughter wasn't planned so I had to leave for the safety of my child and the dating world wasn't nice to me but I did meet a man that has taken on the 'father' role and stood up to that plate because another man didn't and I love and respect him for that. Men shouldn't just judge why a mom is single, trust me its a tough job so if we choose to be single its because at the time it was whats best for our children.

[provokeesmokee]

Can't speak for your average man - I think most men on GaG would be the type to (grossly and wrongly) think of single moms as "used goods".

But for me, it's not a turnoff, really. It's an irreconcilable difference.

I don't want kids and don't want to be a mother. It would be really unfair and disgusting of me to force myself into a relationship with a mother just to be unhappy. And that would make her and her kid unhappy, which isn't the goal.

I'd be friends. Hell, I'd be friends with benefits, but I wouldn't want to stop her and her kid from finding someone who will love them as a family, as they deserve.

[mstbooblover]

Honestly I'm not at all turned off by single moms. Nevertheless, the real practicla problem remains the children's reactions, which can make a hell of their mother's and her partner's lifes, often because of the memories they have of their biological father. In conclusion I dare to state that if the guy succeeds in being accepted by the kids, the mom won't be the problem ;0)

Keep in mind that the mom's position is difficult when she has to choose between her children and her partner, and I bet that generally the children will win...

[nathanp97]

I think it depends on the age of the kids and parent. A toddler and younger is likely a big turn off, a young mother is aswell because it shows poor life choices. A guy and girl in their 30s won't be a big deal if the kid is like 5 for most.

After that it really depends on how you handle the relationships and merge them together over time. Lots don't work out, because after moving in or getting close the new guy is expected to act like a father without given the same abilities to punish the kid without the mother getting mad, etc...

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yep, definitely a dealbreaker and red flag.

If she can't choose the right partner before having sex, there is no way to verify that she actually loves me.

I could be just another mistake, and I won't know until she dumps me later on, and if she's willing to hump mistakes, and she gets pregnant again, I'm stuck dealing with her even after the breakup (because of our kid existing), and I REFUSE to stay in contact with any ex for any reason, so thats a firm no.

Women who make sure it's the right guy before having sex, are more certain of both what/who they want, and how to tell if a guy is actually that kind of person. If she's an attractive virgin in her late 20s-40s, and wants to have sex with me, I know she's serious about commiting and making sure she is picking the right guy.

Also no self respecting guy wants his wife's ex around, and expecting us to raise his kid is just insulting. I also don't want children at all, so there's that.

[Sasha0426]

Most are. And they are so fucking rude about it too. Ok, I get they have a preference but why bully and insult single moms like that? Good thing they’re showing their true colors because no mom would want someone like that around their kid (s) anyway.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And it same goes for women who bullies men for just having that kind of preference. That ''you're not a real man if you dont want a single mom'' is their go to response after getting rejected for that

[Sasha0426]

Yeah there’s that, too. I wish people would quit being so mean on what preference they want. It doesn’t make them any more dateable. Just makes them look like an asshole.

[Datboi65]

Most people go about their business. I can guarantee you it's verrrrrryyyy few guys outside of the online world who would randomly walk up to a single mom and tell her that they would never date her. I don't see that scenario happening. We mostly like to keep our opinions for ourselves, unless we are specifically asked like the OP in this post ASKED us for our input, and we gave our answer. Now my question to women is the following: if you already know the answer and find it offensive, why even ask the question? That part I can never understand.

[mattclark242]

No most men love single mom (some just for sex). being a single mom just make life harder. The longer a man wait the more girl he know will have a kid. To a point where if he want to date at all he have go out with a single mom.

There a lot that come along with that. It ok but it all about if he want it or not. Some guys want that and some guys love that and some do not. It all about what a person want to have in his life.

why not one say anything about single dads?

I get moms need love to.

I would date a a single mom but the one I know want be single and have a friends with benefits thing.

I want someone be with for the rest of my life I want care about her but she not want me to. I think she happy I do care about her.

She likes dating a lot of guys.

[DextroShade]

Yes, men are inherently turned off by single moms for both biological and practical reasons. Biologically it is a bad move for a male to invest his effort and resources into another's offspring which is why male lions kill the cubs when they take over a pride. Practically it is a very bad deal for a man because they will be expected to provide for a kid who he has no authority over and cannot discipline. He will likely have to deal with the baby daddy and the drama that entails. Also will always be the woman's second priority at best, more likely he will be below the child, the mother, and the baby daddy. Finally, if he does form a bond with the child and the woman leaves he will not have any rights to that child at all. Conversely there have been cases where the men have also had to pay child support after the relationship ends. If he's a single dad it can work as a blended family, but childless men are wise to avoid dealing with single mothers for anything beyond bedroom fun.

[dragoblack]

Yep, because when dating a mother the child is part of the package deal, even if the mother thinks otherwise. When dating a mother, you need to understand that the kid comes first and raising a kid may mean dates and intimacy time are rare. Whether the mother thinks so or not, you will be part of that kids life, because you are with the mother. You can not date a mother and not interact with her kid.
It's a big responsibility right from the moment you date the mother, and not a lot of guys are ready for that, nor the sacrifices it brings.