Should I keep waiting to meet my person or put myself out there more?

[Anonymous]

I’m 20 and in uni, and I’ve been single my whole life lol. I think it’s partly because of where I live—I’m a Black girl in a mostly white suburban area, so it makes sense that most guys here just aren’t into us. Not saying I’m ugly or anything, just throwing that out there. Anyways, I’ve always told myself that once I got to uni, I’d probably meet someone, so I didn’t really think much about relationships in high school.

Plus, I’ve always had this mindset that it’s the guy’s job to make the first move—like, if a guy really wants to be with me, he’ll make the effort. But now that I’ve been in uni for three years, living in a more diverse city and meeting more people, it’s still been hard to actually meet anyone. My program keeps me super busy since I’m in nursing, and I commute right after classes, so I barely even interact with men. Most of my classmates are women, and honestly, I’m an introvert and Christian, so the whole club or party scene we got going on at uni isn’t really my thing. I want something serious, and I know those places probably aren’t where I’d find that anyway.

So now I’m kinda stuck, like… should I just keep waiting for things to happen naturally? Or maybe I need to start putting myself out there more? I really don’t know where or how to even start, especially with such a busy schedule. What would you do if you were me?

[texascollegegirl]

The idea of letting it happen naturally is the enemy of your happiness. Don't let the years go by. It might seem odd to get advice from a white girl who is very slutty with Black guys who have what I want, but trust me, I see what some of these guys are like. There are plenty of guys (and Black guys) who want a woman like you. Some of them will cheat on you with a girl like me so easily. Others would be a little less susceptible to the temptation. I'm thinking you want the second one and not the guy who runs around on you all the time and doesn't treat you well.

Even if you don't put yourself out in the club scene, maybe a church group or hobbies or things like that. You wouldn't feel comfortable competing for attention in a club with a girl like me, and if you did compete on my terms, you probably wouldn't get the kind of man you want. Like, the Black guys I am looking for, a lot of it is the physical thing. But that doesn't conflict with your need to find a man who wants a serious relationship and not a one night stand. There are also a lot of guys who want a good Black woman and have the idea of having girls like me on the side. So maybe the best thing is to put yourself out there in the places where you will meet the kind of men you want. In my own way, I do that. Maybe you can do it your way. There are a lot of guys who will want sex with girls like me, but most of them want a relationship with a serious, good, strong Black woman.

[Nikki1989]

Put yourself out there. Quality people rarely come to you, you must hunt.

[Anonymous]

"I’ve always had this mindset that it’s the guy’s job to make the first move—like, if a guy really wants to be with me, he’ll make the effort."

I've never understood this mindset. Why would you sit on your hands waiting for someone else to make something happen, when it's not working for you? It makes no sense.

I think it's true that women want to abolish traditional gender roles, except for the ones that benefit them (inducing the ones they think benefit them but really don't, as is the case here).

[Asker]

I’m generally pretty traditional, but I’m starting to think about stepping away from that a bit since, like you said, it’s not really working for me.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. You should just keep coming back and whining about it on the internet. 🙄😆

Guys don't make the effort unless you give them a reason to.🤦‍♂️

[Asker]

I literally said I don’t even meet any guys to even have the chance to make the effort lol. Ofc if I met someone I’m interested in I would 😭

[Opinion Owner]

Well what do you think is supposed to make a guy want to approach you? There 4 billion of your gender on this planet. Why should a guy make the effort with YOU?
Stop crying you got a lot of years to meet a lot of guys. I'm trying to tell you men get rejected 9 times for every 10 women he approaches. Guys don't like rejection anymore than women. So if you expect a guy to to come up and talk to you you got to give him a reason to. Because i promise you that other women ate. So what are you doing?

[Opinion Owner]

Are* not ate.

[Asker]

I get your point 100% and it makes perfect sense!

[Opinion Owner]

Let me tell you. Guys typically find about 60% of women attractive. So you probably have a better than 50/50 shot of ANY guy being attracted to you. So try to remember that.
Just make sure he like you for YOU. Not just to get at your goodies. I promise you another guy will come along.

[Asker]

Yeah, that’s a good point—thanks for the reminder. I guess it’s easy to overthink and feel like it’s something about me when it’s probably not that deep

[LiamJHayden]

As the Great One said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Put yourself out there.

[Berethor]

You can stop being anonymous, as introvert you have more chances to met someone online.